I need immediate advice about a guy that disappeared/reappeared.?

I met a guy at a dating site and we hit it off, I really felt a connection with him and we talked for 2 weeks. During the 2 weeks, we video chatted, talked on the phone, texted, etc . And it was great.
We were talking about really going out and dating and had set up a date. The night before the date, the guy asked if he could come over because I'd commented I was bored that particular night.

Shame on me, I'd planned on just watching a movie, etc . and he started getting pretty physical immediately. I had sex with him, wasn't ashamed at all because, hey, I was going to date this guy.

He says he can't make it to the date the following day, then the next day says I'm being too clingy and disappears. I was devastated and felt played, but wanted to believe he wasn't that sort of person. Maybe I was being too clingy, maybe the sex was bad for him, maybe something.

I finally moved on after a week or so and started trying to find someone to date again. I actually found two guys that I really liked, and was actively talking to.

Boom. I get a random text from the original guy that he sent me a message on FB and roughly, this is what it said:

"I'm sorry.
Dissapearing on you was not right in any way. So I want to apologize.
I left because of how close the both of us were getting. I was scared because I have abandonment issues from past relationships. I thought I wasn't going to be good enough so I ended it there. I was falling for you quickly and I am sorry.
Im not looking for a second chance, I fucked up too much for that. You can yell, call, cuss, do anything because I deserve it. I'm sorry I hurt you. I've lost a lot of sleep over it and I just needed to tell you."
I took out some words for privacy's sake.

In your opinion, am I a rebound, or just sex? He told me that his friends tried to hook him up with other girls. Is this a typical excuse?
I liked him a lot, and know he won't turn down a second chance. Should I try to give him one?

Does anyone else have any other opinions?


Most Helpful Guy

  • To me he sounds like he's just going for sex... I used to be best friends with a guy before and this guy did something so similar to many different girls. Many of my close friends actually. He would screw up by cheating on them or something bad or just dump them or something, then later he would give a crazy well crafted apology and often win them back.

    Sadly this dude was really smart and it worked on a lot of girls, and now he's got a lot of ex's that hate him. I'd really hope that your guy isn't doing the same thing. Makes me extra suspicious because the first thing he did was come over and have sex. He might be one of those guys that will only put on a show for you if you have something he wants, but as soon as he doesn't want anything from you anymore he will completely drop you :(.

    I'm a bit paranoid after seeing the guy that used to be my best friend really hurt so many girls. It was really hard because he actually really was super crafty and manipulate with his words :(...

    • I know it's not uncommon to do things like this if your just after sex, I've read enough threads similar to mine. I did start talking to him again and noticed that he immediately was very sexual however said that even if I just wanted to see him for cuddling/watching movies that would be fine.

      He seemed genuine on the phone when he said he'd missed me, however that may have just been playing on my emotions. He also said that one of the girls that was interested in him was still texting him, which made me uncomfortable.

      The only thing that seems uncommon is the apology and not blaming it on work or something stupid but "owning up" and saying it was his fault, due to his own insecurities. However, that could easily be a lie too.

      Sigh. I used to think I had this great connection with him too. I was actually falling in love with him. Now, I wish I felt that way, but I can't help but doubt most of what he says and wonder how much is true or false.

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