Don't think I'm ready to be someone's girlfriend...?

(Skip to last paragraph if you don't want many details) I'm a pretty quiet and reserved person so it's no surprise I have a hard time getting close to people. I have a few close friends but my circles are small. I was always jealous of my friends who began dating guys so easily and had so many boyfriends and here I was alone. Although often told I am pretty I was never seriously pursued by someone I was interested in.

I recently began dating this guy and he is my first real relationshipWell now he and I hangout constantly, usually just at his place. I don't think I am capable of being the kind of girl he wants. His recent ex is the complete opposite of me and they were very serious. I am no where near ready for the the type of relationship he wants. I have trouble saying how I feel, accepting compliments, and I am nowhere near ready for sex which I think he is accepting in the nearish future. He hasn't pressured me at all but he's made a few "jokes". I like the idea of a boyfriend but now that I have the real thing I'm not so sure. I don't know if I should break it off before real feelings are involved or if I should try and let someone into my bubble no matter how difficult it may be. I'm just afraid he won't find I am worth it.

**sorry that should say "expecting in the near future" thank you everyone so far for your answers :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • I actually think you should stick it out a little longer. He seems to be treating you well, and running away isn't going to make you any more ready for a boyfriend later on. I think this experience will be good for you in the long run. A fear of rejection is very common for shy people without a lot of experience. It sounds like your fear of rejection, and that is the only reason you are thinking about ending it.

    You really shouldn't compare yourself with his ex. She is his ex for a reason. When dating we often go through all sorts of people in order to learn what we are looking for.

    You say you don't think you can be what he wants, but he is already with you. Clearly he already likes you as you are. You will get more comfortable with him in time and that is normal. Eventually you will stop worrying about trying to be the type of girl he likes, and simply be yourself.

    In any relationship you run the risk of getting hurt by letting people in. That fear won't go away as you get older. You just have to learn to accept it, and go for it. The only other option is to remain alone, and that is very painful. Humans are by our nature social creatures.

    I really think you need to let him into your bubble, so you can learn to be more comfortable with him, before having sex. If he doesn't pass that test, then he clearly doesn't deserve you. The right guy will know you are worth it.

    • Yes you are right. One of my biggest fears is rejection. Or the fear of being judged. I am a very judgmental person myself so I can't help but think everyone critiques me as much as I critique myself.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • At the end of the day, all you have to do is talk to him and ask him what he wants out of you, and out of the relationship. If you feel you not ready for a serious relationship then you should rethink what you are doing.

    But you can't make assumptions on what he wants and act on them. If you want to know what he wants just straight up ask, then you can decide what you want to do.

    He must like you to be with you, so you have to take that into consideration. If you are worried about getting sexually active then again say something.

    One thing I've learned is that communication is the key to a good relationship, no communication leads to a relationship going down in flames.

  • If you figured out how to want sex with him every day, you basically won the situation.


What Girls Said 2

  • Me neither. I can't even imagine it. I would probably be the girlfriend from hell. No, that actually sounds exciting. I would be the most boring and lackadaisical gf and be broken up with immediately.

    • Haha this is exactly how I feel

    • Show All
    • I find that hard to believe. I am sure plenty of guys would be happy to have you as a girlfriend.

    • Guys are not as desperate as you think. Well I have seen some desperate guys just not desperate for me.

  • "I'm afraid he won't find I am worth it." -There is your problem, and no I don't think you're ready... You do NOT need anyone else in the world to tell you that you're worth it because TRUST ME YOU ARE. You have to love yourself before he can love you. I think you should be friends for a while and work on building self worth and stuff, it will make everything better.
    If you were to enter into a relationship with him or any other guy for that matter, right now, it would be fraught with insecurities and hurt because he won't know how to handle your lack of self esteem and you'll wind up getting hurt and thinking he's a bad guy. I don't think you're ready for a relationship right now.

    • That's what I think...I am confident in the way I look but I just don't feel ready for intimacy. I don't think I accept myself enough to let someone else try and love me.

    • I understand what you're saying. I think you should wait and work on addressing the reasons why you can't let others love you and why you don't accept yourself.

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