Does anyone else on here with dyslexia feel useless and stupid often and how can you over come it?

Alice2398
Today my work finally decided to give me some AV training after 2 years of working there. I do not come from a AV/tech background. I come from a art, design and fabrics background and the only reason they hired me was because i was a pretty young girl who has good knowledge about fabrics and how to clean them.

Now they relise how sexist it looks having their only female doing all the cleaning and they are becoming more of a event tech company over events furniture company now. there trying to push me into something i have no interest in. I've expressed many times how id like to work in the design and organisation of events but they won't listen.

So today i was being trained in a very classroom environment with a load of guys who have been to uni, private school etc and had years experience in this field. It was taking them two seconds to figure out this stuff whilst i barely understood any if it. I felt so embarrassed and upset with myself because sometimes there's nothing i can do, things just go in one ear and out another. I start getting stressed, as if i have a head ache.

People just think im lazy and don't care and that im not listening but its not that it just doesn't go in, i struggle to focus. I try and play it off as if i understand because i don't want to look stupid. My co workers are very supportive of me and understand im new to this stuff so try to help but when i fail them they seem disappointed in me and think im not listening to them. They don't understand how depressed it makes me feel knowing im never gonna be as bright as them no matter how hard i try i always fail and let myself and others down.

I've not had to deal with that kind of learning environment for years now and i always hated school and tried my best to avoid academics.

Its scary because this is a really good company im working for and im lucky to even be there as most my co workers are very well educated.
Updates:
5 mo
Even if im one of the lowest paid, for a girl with no GCSEs im doing great just having a job there so it scares me thinking if i can manage my job any longer were i will go and what will happen to me.

I just feel so panicked and stressed. I know they will just give up on me eventually and if i tell them i don't want to be a general tech they will see it as a excuse to fire me
Does anyone else on here with dyslexia feel useless and stupid often and how can you over come it?
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