I'm about to make a life changing decision. Can an older or experienced person give me advice?

Question

So, my boyfriend might get a job in the military that is a once in a lifetime opportunity (he has no education but is fluent in programming). If he gets this job, he will be moving to the capital city of my country. We have discussed moving together from where we are now (I have school here), but I realize it's a much bigger decision.

I can transfer easily. That's not an issue. The same school is in that city. But I have concerns. The first one is that I don't like the city we might be moving to. It's dirty, expensive and loud. He doesn't really like it either. But it's for a dream job. I'm just worried that we will be stuck there.

Obviously, if he has a job he might stay there for a very long time. And I only have school for two and a half more years before graduation.

But, it's a great job, it's his dream and he will be making amazing money. If we both have good jobs we can do anything and travel anywhere, and that's the life I want. However, I don't know about living in the capital city for the rest of my life. I'm also only 20, so very young and bound to make mistakes. But these decisions are huge and terrifying. And Im scared to make anything permanent.

I know that I love him, we are the same person and I would do anything for him. But I need to think of my future too. What should I do? Is it not as bad as I think? Should I relax and see what happens?

Answer 1

ShortCircuit | 186 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Guru

My advice is to start looking at things at a smaller scale and collect as much information as possible. Do research on different neighborhoods of the city (Oslo?). The reasons you stated for disliking it are "dirty", "loud", and "expensive". Well, look at crime statistics in different neighborhoods. Look at homeless populations in different neighborhoods. Look at nightlife in different neighborhoods (and in your case, you would probably want ones with low scores on nightlife). Look at apartment, condo, and house prices in different neighborhoods. You might find neighborhoods that don't have the problems you're concerned about or at least aren't as bad.

Make a list of the neighborhoods that don't seem so bad, and if you can, schedule a short trip to just go and look around. Or if you can't do that, look up video tours on YouTube, use Google Maps and Google Earth.

Also, would it be possible to live in a smaller city or more suburban area outside of Oslo, like Jessheim, Sorumsand, Lillestrom, Oppegard, or Asker and commute to Oslo for his job and your school?

Answer 2

DJB72 | 54 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Explorer

In 2020 I almost died of covid. My heart stopped. I was resuscitated for over 2 hours, left in a coma for 3 months and in hospital a total of six. When I came out of the coma I didn't ask where my degree certificate was. When I was told how close I'd come to being a statistic in the "Covid-19 deaths" instead of the half-assed "recovered" column I asked where my son and my wife were and if they were OK.

In October when my leg was amputated because I was still too weak to survive the IV antibiotics that might have healed it after the covid, my question was "will I be able to play with my son".

In February last year I had to make a decision like yours. My choice was to either get on a plane and fly to a city in a country I'm not sure I belong in any more or stay in the country I was born in - but if I did, my son would have one parent as nothing but an image on a screen.

For his sake I got on the plane. Its that choice that ultimately cost me my foot but I'd do it again so he could be with his mother.

You can get a qualification anywhere. I was negotiating a contract as a motivational speaker talking to young diabetics that would have brought in a very good income and been a job I loved. I walked away from it so I could try and make sure my wife was happy.

I'm now disabled and unemployed but I'd get on the plane again if the circumstances were presented as a second chance.

Your boyfriend has to make the decision with you. You need to plan to make it together - permanently - or not at all. There will be other job opportunities for him and other colleges for you. But it can't be a decision one of you makes for you both. If that happens, one will end up resentful and you'll both be unhappy.

Hope that helps. You're welcome to DM if you want to chat/bounce ideas about.

Answer 3

ohshee | 80 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Guru

I dont know if this is true or not is just something I feel.
First your boyfriend us a very lucky guy. I feel your hear on your last past. Question or so I think ur heart is beautiful and true. And I believe you are very wise and smart. And I feel you with all this sounds so good and you want to be that girl for him. , but your being honest with yourself. And maybe something is missing or timing is off. I really feel your passion and desire is so deep. And he has not touched it. And you dream about feeling. It and it just keeps getting stronger and. I think your ready with him but ur not ready because of something you must feel. if all this is true then yes it would be a hard choice but and this is what make u the beautiful person you are , because ur being honest. So Am I right

Answer 4

Finchie40 | 73 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Guru

Honestly , he is just your boyfriend and for you to pick up and move to be with just a boyfriend is a very tough move , if he was your husband it be a whole different story , But If I was you, I would let him go on his own first and pursue his dream and let him get his feet wet and you focus on yourself and complete school then take it from there, slowly go visit him to see if it’s really somewhere you want to be , if he really loves you he would understand and wait for you until you are comfortable and completed with your schooling , by him trying to make you go with him now is a selfish move on his part

Answer 5

Tstrbrainer | 76 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Yoda

Definitely, this is a big decision.

But see, people of every age might face such situations.

What you have to do is, pray/hope for you guys to find a great place in the city.

See, every place might have a comfortable area in it.
Just look for it, you might find a quiet and comfortable area to live in the city.

You both should do your research, ask people, friends and relatives to get an idea of things to consider while moving to a new place.

Also, you can also find something interesting in the city after your school is over. Two and half years is a pretty long time.

From what I have heard, people working in the military often get job transfers. So if that's true, you might not have to live in the same city for the rest of your life. You might get to see places

Answer 6

Lov2PlezUgurl

Xper 6

Yeah I'm 59 years old and I've learn that life is like the weather there's good times and there's perfect times and there's bad times and worse times life changes all the time you never know what tomorrow will bring don't worry take the opportunity to go learn something new the season will change again and you'll have something new again life is all about change and opportunities and only the brave have the best of life no one can tell you what to do but who has the opportunities that you have now and how long with those opportunities last opportunities only knock once think about it you might want to experience something else and like I said there's nothing written in stone things change all the time if it's good it's liable to get bad if it's bad it could get worse, but like the calm before the storm "there's a storm before the calm" and things gets perfect

Jamie05rhs

1 mo
You lost me a little there at the end, but overall I agree with you.

Answer 7

Jamie05rhs

You lost me a little there at the end, but overall I agree with you.

Answer 8

TallAnon | 410 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Guru

Moving is definitely a big decision and can cost quite some too, if you don't want to live inside the city, you can always live a bit further away, he'd just need to drive a bit further to get to work, but that would meet you both halfway and since you are moving for him, I'd say that's more than fair.

Answer 9

Pete671 | 92 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Yoda

imho it all depends how far away this mystery city is, ideally I'd say stay put in College where you are and finish your degree, don't do anything to jeopardise your education,,,
What if he was transferred somewhere else?, be yet another upheaval, you might end up stuck in a city you hate and on your own,,,

Answer 10

YHL6965 | 176 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Guru

Tavel anywhere with him in the army? I don't know how the Norwegian army works but I think it could be more difficult to travel.

Also, I'm not really sure how much you love each other based on some questions you asked in the past.

Ultimately though, random people on the internet like us don't have the answer, only your heart does.

YHL6965

1 mo
To clarify, by being difficult to travel once you're in the army, here in France at least, you are basically forced at some point in your career to be affected in another base and the frequency depends on your grade. Depending on your affectation too, you might have to partake in missions abroad too, surely a different kind and probably less fun kind of travel.

Besides, the army never shows you the full picture when they try to sell you a good deal. Take armories for example : surrounded by guns you get to see and touch everyday, sounds kind of cool right? In practice, you are a glorified librarian with tons of papers to fill out and you can potentially go to jail if certain incidents happen too but the army won't tell you that when they try to sell you the job. Many people, especially in the US, have been sold lies by the army and end up disappointed, not knowing how they got here in the first place.

I would be careful about this job if I was your boyfriend. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is too good too be true.

Answer 11

YHL6965

To clarify, by being difficult to travel once you're in the army, here in France at least, you are basically forced at some point in your career to be affected in another base and the frequency depends on your grade. Depending on your affectation too, you might have to partake in missions abroad too, surely a different kind and probably less fun kind of travel.

Besides, the army never shows you the full picture when they try to sell you a good deal. Take armories for example : surrounded by guns you get to see and touch everyday, sounds kind of cool right? In practice, you are a glorified librarian with tons of papers to fill out and you can potentially go to jail if certain incidents happen too but the army won't tell you that when they try to sell you the job. Many people, especially in the US, have been sold lies by the army and end up disappointed, not knowing how they got here in the first place.

I would be careful about this job if I was your boyfriend. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is too good too be true.

Answer 12

Jjpayne | 888 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Master

It's a tough place to be. I'd try to be as open as possible but you can look into online classes and if I were you, I'd try to get into the nicest neighborhood possible. I'd start looking right now into finding a secluded and safer place to be

Answer 13

allaboutyou2

Xper 6

Why do you have to live in the city?
You could live outside the city and commute especially if he is going to be making good money.
Think outside the box.
If you are genuinely in love you will make it work.

Answer 14

Guffrus | 133 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Guru

Many people commute on the train or whatever to their jobs in capital cities, perhaps that is an option for you or if not now later?

Answer 15

Clarke498 | 58 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Yoda

I'm not older, so i can't give much, but can i just ask, why are you looking at this as if it HAS to be an ultimatum? You could travel with him, finish school, and if things don't fit, couldn't it be possible to just finish school, or move or etc?

Answer 16

Guanfei | 174 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Guru

So the only downside is that you don't like the city?
Girl, you'll have everything you want in life, something most people can't even dream of. That's not a choice, that's an opportunity.

Answer 17

Mijopapii215

Xper 3

Break up with him and put yourself first I can tell from what you wrote that you are obviously not happy with moving.

Answer 18

Waldoe

Explorer

you do have to Live in the city, he cam commute if its a great job and you can live in the suburbs... depends on the city

Answer 19

Twenty2 | 115 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Guru

Boyfriends can change. If you move, you're stuck there for at least 2 and a half year.

Answer 20

Nahid1707 | 189 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Guru

It can work, some girlfriends and wife’s are use to their partner being in the military

Answer 21

In_Trance | 618 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.

Master

How old is your boyfriend?

ragequeen

1 mo
He turns 25
In_Trance

1 mo
If neither of you like where you're going to be living this won't be much of a dream.

Answer 22

ragequeen

He turns 25

Answer 23

In_Trance

If neither of you like where you're going to be living this won't be much of a dream.

Answer 24

GAGSucksBalls1

Xper 7

You don't love him. I GUARAN FUCKING TEE IT

I'm about to make a life changing decision. Can an older or experienced person give me advice?

AI Bot Choice

Most Helpful Guy

What Girls & Guys Said

Related myTakes