I turned 22 recently and I don't feel like a real man, I often feel like a child who's just cosplaying as an adult. I never had a father figure or any positive male role models to look up to. I was bullied at school and abused at home. I've always been timid, weak-minded, inconsistent, lazy, and depressed. When I was in high school I was planning on joining the Marine Corps after I graduated, but during my Sophmore year I've had a lot happen to me that made my mental health to spiral out of control which lead to me illegally dropping out of school and I've spent the last 6 years locked in my room and isolating myself from the world. Recently I've been making efforts to change. My mother gave me my first job working for her medical billing company, I'm taking my driver's permit test in 10 days, and I recently got approved for Medicare and planning on getting mental health care. I still struggle with my manhood though, and I regret not joining the military because I feel like it would have given me the discipline to go from a boy to a man. Then I came across Jocko Willink talking about the Army Reserves:I'm now thinking about joining the Army Reserves in the summer of next year. Until then I can lose weight, get in shape, and get my GED. I can still spend some time in the military and help my mother grow her business. I feel like this could give me a much better purpose in my life and it's something I can really work towards.
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