What do y'all think about my bars?

I'm considering getting into rap and what's on the radio today in terms of rap music is a travesty and I really wanna try and be a candle in the dark, and trailblazer going down the forgotten or forgone roads I assume... Please be honest as I appreciate constructive criticism... So here's just 12 bars, the first 4 are the hook and the next 8 are the start of the 2nd verse

Suffering and sinking deeper and deeper into our misery
Goin and goin on and on being so negative and living obliviously
Covering what I'm thinking with this smile and laughter but girl it's killin me
Wishin I had a woman, a real good lovin, lovin me and kissin me

I wanna be inside you...
Nah not like that but I wanna be inside you
Lemme say it another way, I guess what I'm tryna say is I wanna be a mindful...

I wanna be the staple that holds together our synergy
I want you to be the one that trusts me in this industry
I want you to be completely incapable of forgetting me
I wanna be completely inescapable from your memory


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  • This is a shitpost right?

  • Fire👏


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