Can I get a review of this poem I wrote?

All sins and men are created equal
Each is just as bad as the other
Everyday
We murder with our lust
We commit adultery with our lies
I'm already damned
And don't give a damn about it
So
The decision is this:
Immerse myself in the ways of man,
Or
Follow the path of God, unreachable perfection
I cannot become anymore damned
Cursed
Or broken
Is there a point
For striving for the impossibility that is
Abstinent perfection
Or should I give up on life
And indulge myself
With sinful and selfish deceit?
Well
I'm done with the question
And I choose the latter

0|0
32

Most Helpful Girl

  • It was amazing and I was very impressed! Although I do have 2 suggestions. 1. Saying "and don't give a damn about it" sounds a little strange considering you used the word "damned" in the previous line. 2. Instead of "I'm done with the question" try "well I have the answer"

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, the poem is good but, it doesn't have a rhyming scheme tbh.

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • This part is really good:
    Immerse myself in the ways of man,
    Or
    Follow the path of God, unreachable perfection
    I cannot become anymore damned
    Cursed
    Or broken
    Is there a point
    For striving for the impossibility that is
    Abstinent perfection
    Or should I give up on life
    And indulge myself
    With sinful and selfish deceit?

    I would end the poem at "With sinful and selfish deceit?" Also you might could change the first sentence. You don't want the women to feel left out, do you? :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • I love it keep up the good work👍

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds kinda edgy to me but hey, you do you.

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...