Rate my poetry! Is this a well written poem? do you like it?

Why every time I'm in your orbit, I'm pulled in quick but can't manage to hit the surface?
Is your earth selective?
I know I'm not deserving,
But I promise to romance you no matter the financial and I'll hand you all my heart paired with this hard work too.
And if there's nothing I can do,
let me try anyway.
Because I think about the love you have and the woman you are everyday.
And if I could so eloquently, describe how gorgeous you are to me.
I would do so with delicacy, consistency and the most expert delivery,
you might presume that I worked at Amazon the way I deliver that package puctually.
You know how I do functionally,
so stop playing' beautiful and have some fun with me.
And no,
I'm not done..
You see,
My heart has no limits.
My eyes are focused and my words are deliberate.
I want to enter those same thoughts you inhibit.
Hear the same voice you restrain.
Use my time to convert your pain, into peace of mind,
And possibly a togetherness only the two of us could maintain.
Just you and I.

please leave constructive feedback especially if you're experienced with poetry!
  • saludable (Healthy)
    Vote A
  • Trash
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  • it's okay
    Vote C
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50

Most Helpful Girl

  • Its incredible! I would love if a guy wrote me that!

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Thank you, incredible may be too strong a word, still I appreciate the feedback and positive energy.

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What Girls Said 4

  • It's really nice, but try to change the format if possible. It doesn't read like a poem.

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  • It doesn't really flow.
    It might be better as a song. . . or something

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    • It probably does break up a bit. I tried to type it the way I'd say it. its meant to be read like spoken word. Any tips you have to make it flow better? suggestions?

  • Good!

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  • Decent

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What Guys Said 0

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