About my writing?

hey friends. this short rhyme is written by me. please tell me how is it?😅😅

We are broken windows of our lives,
Which are carried by the time.
We are trying to be alive,
But I am feeling hactic by this time.
I was trying to be your smile,
But I am sorry for this time.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Hmmm...

    Baudelarian lyrics, very nice. Similar to George Bacovia, a writer from my country. Obsessive, you repeat 'time' several times to highlight the relativism of our position in relation to time, as a simple misfortune.

    It's great, actually. Simple, dark, depressing, profoundly resounding and yet expressive and cathartic, they share a feeling of genuine pain and suffering.

    I'll give you an 8.5/10

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