Hi everybody, how do you like this poem I wrote?

A Beast Of Burden:

Supposing that we’re not as here to make friends as to

tie up weekdays to weekends & make out with much

fatter dividends.

It doesn’t mean our options aren’t open elsewhere, but we are creatures of awful habit.

As fast goes the rabbit

&

slow moves the tortoise,

the soul of society bends through

regular human functionality as swift

as the strokes that move the porpoise

Is life as fluid for us as it is around them?

Or are the solid concrete walls that depart us a solemn comfort?

Well, it beats being trained to turn tricks for SeaWorld.
  • 1, horrible
    Vote A
  • 2, bad
    Vote B
  • 3, okay
    Vote C
  • 4, good
    Vote D
  • 5, excellent
    Vote E
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13

Most Helpful Girl

  • I didn't like it

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whenever something"s not my way
    "fuck you" is what i say
    whenever im feeling alone
    i curl up in a ball crying on the floor

    and beacuse its always like this thats why im a small depressed shit

    i liked yours but really not that understandable (im not using English as my primary)
    also my vocabulary is fairly simple so yeah

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    • Thanks man, I hope one day you'll get the better of your depression.

    • thank you, i dont have depression as sickness but i just get crippling sadness whwn i feel alone

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What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

What Guys Said 2

  • Writing poems on the net
    So I think I'll make u a bet
    Because my poems are all set
    I challenge you to a battle
    My poems can tame cattle
    And blow up like bikini atoll
    So I just though I would ask
    If your up for the task
    Against the man in a mask

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    • I am a lover not a fighter
      All I hit on is the flask
      But if you pick a bone with me
      I'll roll one to take you to the task
      I accept your 'terms&conditions'
      Caked in your wack renditions
      But I'm baked so make it fast as
      I'm blowing circles round your soul
      & ur lass is here atop a dance pole

  • I don't see a single rhyme in it and I don't like poems that has no rhyms. I am not good at English so I don't understand your message. Maybe it's great but I don't get them. Both of them are realy short. I don't know if it's even a poem if there are rules in making poems

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    • OK I found two rhymes

    • Show All
    • Could you maybe say in short words what it is about?

    • Basically it's that we as human beings consider ourselves all free & with many options open for an enriched life, but that in the rat race of life people sacrifice a lot of their lives in the pursuit of uber richness (as is the case with people like president Trump) in such a way that traps us within our supposedly more free nature. This seamless ritual of how we waste our lives is as natural to our environment as the way a porpoise elegantly knows how to swim within the confines of it's liquid world. & I say that although we're victims of our own nature, at least it is better than the existence of a dolphim that lives its life to do tricks for food to crowds at aquariums like Seaworld.

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