Dear Dad, 9 Things I Will Never Forgive You For

[MissMc3]

A list of unforgivable occurrences, from a 17 year old daughter to her abusive father.

1) I Will Never Forgive You For Abusing My Mother

I will never forgive you for refusing to get a job and having my mom pay for all of your needs (alcohol, drugs, and food), for verbally and physically assaulting her. For smashing her car window while she was inside. For telling her she was unattractive. For making her feel worthless.

2) I Will Never Forgive You For Abusing My Brother

I will never forgive you for undeservedly beating my little brother until he was bleeding or next to unconscious. I will never forgive you for telling him he was stupid and accusing him of being homosexual on a daily basis. Furthermore, I will never forgive you for making him cry.

3) I Will Never Forgive You For Taking Advantage Of Me Financially

I will never forgive you for forcing me to work 8 hours a day only to give you my check every payday. Not only did I not make a single penny in the entire time I was working, but I gained a sense of absolute hopelessness. Like I had nothing left to live for. I walked around my job feeling empty inside. Like I had nothing.

4) I Will Never Forgive You For Feeding My Insecurities

I will never forgive you for telling me I was stupid. That I was useless.

I will never forgive you for telling me that I was a slut and that I was overweight. I will never forgive you for when you told me to stop eating. I will never forgive you for telling me I was unattractive. Most importantly, I will never forgive you for saying those things in such a way that I eventually believed it.

5) I Will Never Forgive You For Hitting Me

I honestly don't even care that you hit me. What I care about, and what I will never forgive you for, is that you made me look weak in front of my brother. You made me look like someone he couldn't count on.

6) I Will Never Forgive You For Trying To Get Sympathy From Me

I will never forgive you for trying to make me feel pity for you. For pretending to cry and for pretending to want to commit suicide. You would never do that.

You love yourself too much.

7) I Will Never Forgive You For Taking Away My Teenage Years

I will never forgive you for not letting me have friends. For not letting me talk to people. For having constant entry to all of my social media. For not letting me have a cell phone. For threatening boys who just wanted to hang out with me. For telling me that the only friend I did ever have was a "little cunt" and a "geeky little bitch".

For doing all of these things and then telling me I'm a loser for not having any friends.

8 ) I Will Never Forgive You For Trying To Make Me A Resentful Person

My entire life you have done nothing but try to make me resentful of people. You tried to make me racist. You tried to make me homophobic. You tried to make me a Catholic.

But I have never been any of those things. Because strong people don't hate. Strong people love.

9) I Will Never Forgive You For Making Me Lose Trust In Men

I will never forgive you for making me the kind of girl who can't trust men. For when I've turned down perfectly nice guys because I was afraid they would hurt me like you have. For when I ended friendships with guys because I didn't think they could be trust worthy enough to talk to.

Dear Dad,

I will never forgive you for the emotional tolls you have cursed onto myself and the people I love.

Every time I fought back at you, as my mother and brother should have as well, you lashed at me a little bit harder. Every time I told you that you were wrong, you tried to make me feel incompetent. Every time I found strength in myself, you took it away with one foul swoop of your mighty sword of narcissism.

But I made it. I made it through your bulletproof walls. Because I am stronger, smarter, and braver than you ever could be.

You are a pathetic excuse for a man and you will never have a place in my life, ever again.

Sincerely No Longer Yours,

353

*Gaggers

I just want to thank everyone who has sent so much love and support through the opinions, I was really not expecting it and you've given me the confidence to end this letter with my real name. You are all so kind and sweet and you've put me into tears.

And for anyone who has also struggled with an abusive parent, whether that be physically, verbally, or emotionally, I'm with you. ❤️

Love,

Chelsea Charles

[ThatJarHead]

Never really having a father I can't entirely relate on the abusive father front but my mother was very emotionally abusive. Very neglectful and very misanthropic. I was treated as lesser my entire life because I was born male. My opinions were always void because I'm male and my needs were always neglected because I am male. So on the abusive parent front I can definitely relate. Very brave of you. Good job. You'll come out for the better and as strange as it sounds, you'll thank him for it eventually. Not for being abusive but for inadvertently making you a stronger and better person. It gets better. Trust me.

[zombiebabe]

i can relate..
good take

[renogaza]

hats off to you, i've been feeling guilty and somewhat regretful for leaving my father and helping my mother and brother this past year but now you just reminded me exactly why i left in the first place and why i hated him enough to want to fillet him and surgically remove his organs whilst barely keeping him alive in a vat (my wildest dreams)

as a token of thanks i'll give a brief summary of my hatred of my father based on your discussion.

1. my father was very cold, calculative and analytic, he had planned how the marriage would play out for the next 20 years at least and knew exactly how to make sure my mom couldn't rebel against him, from giving birth to me and my brother (my mom as impregnated with me to force her father to allow that maniac to marry her, and my brother to make sure she had too much burden to fight against him or see what he was planning, then chained her business with an insanely effective website (which was successful due to what is now illegal methods of search engine optimizations) which made the business earn millions per month, yet all the money ended up in the creditcard bills because he was a very very heavy spender, 20+ years of quarrels and abuse eventually ended up with him threatening to kill her, which ultimately got us to leave him at the most opportune time, to this day he was no idea where we are and the police and NBI have been keeping an eye on him since.

2. he treated me and my brother badly but he was treated like a loser because of his introverted tendencies despite being a literal genius in the whole school, my father had this stupid idea in his head that guys are supposed to be assholes and wanted my brother to be like him, along with wanting him to learn how to use powertools and huge machinery that could kill him with one wrong move, and beat him relentlessly when my brother tried to rebel, i ended up trying to defend my little brother and pulled his weight for him by learning in his stead (which i still hate learning to this day)

3. it never got to that point.. yet.. thank god, i dont think i could survive his spending habits, he had originally planned for me to learn dentistry to take over the business and chain me down to his will by forcing me to loan millions from the banks and give to him while i paid it all, luckily it never got to that because i intentionally failed my course and got banned from the college for "not being serious with my studies"

- continuation -

[renogaza]

4. he never wanted me to be many things i wanted to be, i had many dreams, from being a scientist to being an astronaut, all of them were shot down by him and he was relentless in trying to make me want to be a dentist (no doubt for his own gain), the only dream i never gave up on was my passion for art, to be an artist or animator (which i eventually started to study, 5 years after i intentionally failed my dentistry course), he always thought i was trash for failing and that i was stupid and useless even before i went to dentistry college, mainly because my grades were mediocre because i had very little interest in some of my subjects (like religion and philippine history) while i excelled in mathetics, physics, chemistry, language and such, i even destroyed my teachers when i took over his class in renaissance history as well as post industrial history and ww1-2/atomic history, yet i was still stupid in his eyes.. -

[renogaza]

the only joy i had in my intelligence was when i jokingly did a nazi salute while talking about the history of the third reich and ended up getting my father insanely angry, slapping me crosswise as i fell instantly, at first i was shocked and started to cry because i didn't know what i did wrong at the time, but then i realized he was getting a heart burn from what i did and that put a heinous grin (joker style?) in my face which i didn't realize i did until my brother told me that i was scaring him

5. i was beaten by father so many times that it eventually didn't hurt anymore, or at least i didn't feel it anymore (mindblock?) sometimes it was for legitimate reasons (like breaking something expensive), but most of the time it was for no reason, my imagination went wildest those times and even came close to stabbing him to death with a pair scissors while his back was facing me, -

[renogaza]

as far as physical abuse the beating never came close to his sexual harassment towards me when i started to actually look more feminine, everytime i resisted he'd beat me up..

6. this happened when his youngest brother and oldest brother died of brain cancer and neurofibrosis, he was pretty broken up about it but i never felt pity and actually became overjoyed when i realized that he and his siblings may have heritidary illnesses attributing to brain malfunctions and that he might be next, sadly if thats the case i'm doomed to die a similar fate in the future.. but so long as he dies first i dont really care..

7. while my case in this regard wasn't as serious my father did hate many of my friends especially when i told them about him, but i never let him get between me and my friends..

8. he was racist, sexist, narcicist, homophobic, everything you could think of, atypical of someone from the 40s, he went to great efforts to convert me when i was young and naive, -

[renogaza]

and for some time i was at least racist and sexist to some extent, i reformed from it after realizing that there was no difference between races other than their culture, and how men and women were really not all that different as long as you dont include the twisted ones..
9. i was never a pisanthrophobic but my brother was to some extent, caused mainly by being an introvert, but it was particially thanks to my father (and also to 2 rapists) that i became an androphobic person, i've been recovering from it since it happened thanks to my friends and boyfriend but i was terribly broken initially that i was better off being in a mental home.. imagine a person that freaks out so much that they would tremble and fidget like crazy and curl up in a corner wrapped like a cocoon in blankets and a fortress of solitude made of pillows everytime they knew a guy was nearby.. that was me once.

-- sry for writing so much, i've been on hiatus for some time --

[renogaza]

hmm.. i meant to give a brief summary but i think i went overboard, sry MissMc3 o. o

[Anonymous]

After reading this post, I believe I need to warn you how serious the implications of what you're saying is. Unforgiveness is one of the most damaging things to a human being's soul. It not only affects the individual, but everybody around them. Mark my words, if you don't forgive everybody who offends you, you're never going to be able to have true peace in your life.

Your psyche is like a patch of soil. When someone refuses to forgive someone for any reason, it sows seeds of bitterness that begin to slowly fester and fester over time. After a while, you may begin to have violent and depressing thoughts coming seemingly out of nowhere. And if you let those kinds of thoughts take their toll on you long enough, in some of the most extreme cases, it could lead to physical acts of violence, murder, or even suicide.

That's why it's so important to be aware of what you give your attention to. What you give your attention to will ultimately shape and mold you into its likeness. So if you don't want to reflect the characteristics of your dad that you don't like, stop dwelling on them through your unforgiveness and forgive him.

Let me give you an example.

My dad is a musician and producer. He plays the drums. He saved my life multiple times. Do those things make me love him?

No.

I had to endure my mom and dad yelling at each other at an early age. My dad left my family when I was in third grade. He barely paid child support, if at all. He used to struggle with drugs and alcohol. He has refused to practice accountability. He conned my grandma out of $2,000+ once. He even conned me out of $3,500+ once. Does that make me not love him?

No.

I love my dad not because of anything he did, as a matter of fact, I love my dad DESPITE anything he did. I still talk to him, I still help him out any way I can, I still pray for him no matter what he does or how I feel because I love him. Sound crazy? That, my dear friend, is what's called, "unconditional love", and life is impossible to live without it.

True, unconditional love is the key to forgiveness, and to be real, the best way to be able to love unconditionally is by knowing the truth of God's Word; because God is ultimate source of all unconditional love in all existence. Like seriously, where else would this love so otherworldly come from?

And so, from the bottom of my heart, I urgently beseech you to forgive your dad, and to become acquainted with the one true living God, the source of all unconditional love!

[Coolerthanyourmom]

100% listen to this guy he knows what he is saying amen

Mathew 6:14 and 6:15

14 "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:"

15 "But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

[gobsmacked3]

As a father it is heartbreaking reading something like this

I can relate on two levels:

1, My father was a good man but an abusive drunk. When my mum died when I was 13 of Cancer rather than man up and help his kids he completely lost his shit. i could understand for her loss devastated him but when you have others relying on you, you always need to step up to the plate. He drank himself to death, luching from shameful lows to even more shameful lows. In the process dragging us down with him

2, My son has had a battle with addiction to Meth Amphetamines, which has made me revisit my fathers legacy in I. i was never openly abusive to my three children but I was abusive in a more pervasive ways. In regards to instilling lessons in them when I thought they never saw. i have a lot of pent up grief and my release was drinking- it was my form of dealing with it, but was the definition of denial. My son had a few hardship revolving around his parents splitting and lent into my 'denial' by reaching for drugs to get through

Life is tough and all about action and reaction- it kills you seeing children suffering because of your actions as in the case of your very brave TAKE

[Star018]

Some people never see their actions as harming someone. Then don't understand why people are not there. In their eyes. They haven't done any wrong. It's always someone else's fault if they have done anything wrong. Not theirs. They don't stand up and take responsibility for their own actions or reactions. They don't know how. No one ever showed them. You live what you learn. It's not an excuse. It's the truth. January I lost my biological Dad. We could never make a mends. Because he wanted me to hate my Mother for things he did Or did not do.. Mom encouraged me In my younger years to call him, go see him, love him and telling me he's your Dad. In my heart he wasn't. It makes one feel worthless, like you don't matter. If your biological Dad doesn't stick around. Why should any other man. It has taken many years and heartach to work through it. To come to terms with the fact that he nor the rest of his siblings had the tools to show love or that they cared.

[gobsmacked3]

@Star018 Hugs to you- it is heartbreaking situations like this. With children being used as pawns in adult games that only end up in check mating the children throughout life :(

[Star018]

Opinion Owner, Thank you. I have worked through it. Just thought it might help someone else to hear there is people out there that can say I love you. But, just don't have the tools to show their family and others that they do love them just by being there, listening or simple holding someone's hand. Sounds simple to do for those of us who do these things naturally. It's because someone somewhere showed us hoe. We did start talking again and I would visit him since 1997. It's all good. Life is good. God is always there to pick us up. God bless you. Thank you for the hug. Big hug to you.

[gobsmacked3]

@Star018 All power to you sister, know you are a STAR :)

[ProbablyTooMature]

"My father was a good man but an abusive drunk."

Stopped reading right there. If you don't realize that those two things CANNOT exist at the same time the rest of your post is moot.

[gobsmacked3]

@ProbablyTooMature Fair point, but I remember the times before my mothers death when he drank less

[ProbablyTooMature]

Fair, but then I think "WAS a good man until he became an abusive drunk" would be more appropriate.

However, I'm sorry it hit him so hard. I can't even imagine having to endure something like that.

[gobsmacked3]

@ProbablyTooMature I am a true believer that some can die of a broken heart, that was his reality

[Najie_TooSweet]

Number one i can relate to far as the drinking part... they get drunk and become another person

[gobsmacked3]

@Najie_TooSweet It unlocks all what you have buried- very sad and tragic. Particularly with how it effects the lives of the innocent :(

[BlondyBabe]

Your still a hell more of a father than mine ever was

[BlondyBabe]

What's more yo u have pride, perspective and the ability the realise your mistakes and where you went wrong and how to amend it, good on you

[Ms_Sadness]

I am not going to judge you and I am not forcing my beliefs on you.. and I'm not blaming you for what your father did... but I will say... maybe you can find it deep in your heart to forgive him only because if you had done something terrible to someone (not saying what your father did was a mistake because nothing can justify what he did), wouldn't want the person to forgive you? Again, I am not blaming you or trying to force my opinions on you I'm just saying... that maybe you should forgive him because if you had done something bad, you might want forgiveness...

In an example, let's say you had done a really bad sin and you wanted God to forgive you (I'm not forcing my beliefs on you I just want you to maybe think about this?), but you still hadn't forgiven your father... well if you can't forgive your father for the horrible deed he has done against you then why should God forgive you?

Also, it would feel so much better forgiving your father (in my opinion) because what's the point of holding a grudge against someone when you could be living your life freely and happy without all the anger or stress weighing on you? I don't know, this is just my opinion, feel free to ignore me. Please, have a nice day!!! ♥♥♥

[MissMc3]

But would you forgive someone who did this to you and continued to think he was in the right?

[Ms_Sadness]

It would be the hardest thing on the planet and it would probably take me years to wrap my head around but... yes I think I would considering what *I* believe in. Again, I don't want to force what I believe in on anybody, I am just saying maybe consider it. I try my best not to judge, I just want to help people.

[dogbert444]

Phew! This is one heck of a take! Brave girl! Brave little bruv! Brave mum!

As you grow into a kind and beautiful lady, I sincerely hope that things get better for you. Eventually, you will learn to trust again. Not all guys are abusive. The hard part is recognising the bad from the good. At least, from those who TRY to be good.

[MissMc3]

Thank you so much! <3

[dogbert444]

You are always welcome. It makes me feel so lucky I had wonderful parents. I feel really lucky!

[Anonymous]

The way i relate to this is just wow. My father was abusive and still is but in more of a different way then what he used to be. He used to whip me and my siblings to the point where we bled, he refused to hit us with his hands because according to him it hurt him too much. I wasn't allowed to go to friends houses and I wasn't allowed to have friends come over. My dad had this custom where if he yells out your name, you are to go straight to him immediately, and if you didn't get to him within three seconds you would get belted. My dad is a mentally deranged man, I watched him beat our neighbours cat nearly to death all because the cat would get into fights with our family cat. And now I watch him live with the guilt that he has done, and he deals with it by drowning himself in alcohol. And instead of abusing us physically, he now does it psychology and he doesn't even realise he is doing it. Poor little dad thinks he's the victim in all this. And for some fucked up reason I love him, he's still my father. I just don't respect him.

[SovereignessofVamps]

you should just ignore the weird comments about the hating women and all that... lots of people on here like to debate about feminism and apply it to everything.

I think you sound strong too, but why did no one ever beat your dad up back or have him arrested? Don't get me wrong I know how taboo that can be... like even mentioning people think I'm evil. And beating up my own dad would be hard but yours took things to the extreme. So why not just... hit him with an object till he blacked out or have him arrested?

[NatashaJ]

Yup or a gender thing, or how its sexist its not. Its a story about a man and a girl so therefore its not sexist if it happen. People are annoying.

[lightbulb27]

Wow... is that conceptual mytake or an actual experience one?

If your dad was that extreme... he was really bad. He is vey sick, glad you grew up and moved on. But get counseling if you haven't already, those father/mother wounds run deep and control all too much.

Please do discover Jesus... that would be the root of deep healing.

[MissMc3]

I'm a devout Christian, just not a Catholic :)

[lightbulb27]

Good!

[bryon]

Into had a control freak dad growing up. I wasn't allowed many friends either ; just at school while I was away from home. He didn't want you having friends as they would either give you courage to say no more , or they would have gotten you help ( the police or DFAC ) . You have took a huge step in putting the pieces of a shattered life back together here today young Lady and I know it wasn't easy to allow us to be here to help. I for one am super proud that you decided that it had been bottled up long enough.

[madhatters4]

excellent mytake. so sorry you had to experience such traumas. i imagine your upbringing gave a strong sense of resilience and character

i had my first child last year, a daughter, and it is experiences like yours that drive me to be the absolute best i can be for her.

[mikemx55]

Many men and women will disappoint you through life. That is indeed a bad experience, but I hope that in the future you can detach yourself from it.
Men will disappoint you, have no doubts about that, after this bad experience, it's normal having difficulty in trusting someone that reminds you of him. Just remember that when you do trust someone again, not to hold the expectations too high or you may hurt yourself. On the bright side, they can exceed your expectations, and that's always a good feeling.

(this isn't about lowering standards, I hope you got the message)

[Tdieseler]

You know, Turn this around but go with mom instead... and you pretty much have me... except there wasn't any alcohol or drugs, my mom would never let anything dull her sadistic enjoyment in hurt us... most especially me... so that takes out your Number one... she did take his money though.
number 2 not so much, ass whooping was normal...3.. she did do that... bt it was gift money...4 yep 5, had to learn to dodge or block or run (became an awesome athlete) 6, she tried, but i killed my emotions already 7... that went past teenage years... i was a shell... 8.. definitely true
9... sadly... i dont hate women nor distrust them... they earned that shit on their own. People try to plug my view of women as a mother thing but its not. Why would i hate women when i was looking for one to just be nice to me? no its not.

meh... those days are over... and i hope one day you will regain your trust or be like me... ride the fine line.. its amazing here...

[Unit1]

I can relate to you =/
I will never understand why people say, that forgiving is a must. It is not. There are things, that cannot be forgiven no matter what.
Nevertheless your father was a human scum and I'm sorry for you.

Have you cut him out of your life yet? Because this is what you have to do if you want to start.
Then as time goes on everything will be better, piece by piece. You will recover but it will take a long course and much time to get over it. Just be yourself and try to be a nice person. Try to be the person, that your father is not.
Hope you'll be alright!

[OlderAndWiser]

That is a ton of stuff to survive. Once you realize that you have survived such an experience, the next challenge is to try to keep yourself from becoming bitter.

[fuqthegovt]

What's wrong with bitter? I've been bitter for almost as long as I can remember (like age 8) and I haven't died from it.

[fuqthegovt]

er age eight. stupid auto-emojis

[OlderAndWiser]

@fuqthegovt Not all deaths involve the cessation of brain activity. In some, the heart "stops" even though it is still beating. But I am NOT trying to talk you out of your bitterness.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

@fuqthegovt Ha, funny.

[kespethdude]

@fuqthegovt Try typing a space between the 8 and ). That may not be grammatically correct, but it will keep the emoji from replacing it.

[StarsInTheEyes]

Agree agree. Yes, some people who have experienced psychological distress might become "bitter," whether to the ones inflicting the psychological pain, or subconsciously to others. For example, someone who's been bullied might mistreat a person/pet who is not as intimidating (indeed, not at all).

[StarsInTheEyes]

But I'm not saying 100% all everyone who has experienced psychological distress definitely will act that way.

Just to make it clear. No generalization here. I'm saying "some" people "might" - it's psychology, it's science.

[FatherJack]

I never had a dad around & now ironically , I'm a single dad that gives my all to my 2 children. This is heartbreaking reading , what a pitiful excuse for a " father " you had. If it's any consolation , he is very much in the minority of men , he probably had a messed up upbringing himself. Brave of you to share , acknowledgement is a first step to healing.

[dragonfly6516]

The placement of the comment "tried to make me Catholic" made it sound like it being Catholic is as bad as being racist or homophobic. I'm guessing what you/the writer was trying to say was "forcing your religion on me and denying me the right to choose my own spiritual beliefs"?

[APValerius]

#5 is an isssue I had with my dad. My parents, as a unit, treat me the same way any married couple I don't know does - they don't let me associate with one and disassociate with the other. Both or neither. The quacky psychiatrists they made me see when I was a teenager wondered why I had so much to say about my dad. They once claimed I "focused unrealistically on my father". Which parent was hitting me and pinning me down on the floor? DAD! Mom only pinned me down twice. All the other times it was DAD. Mom never spanked me. Only DAD did. The doctors made it sound like I was just mentally ill or something. NO! I was having a normal reaction to excessive corporal punishment. Perhaps the intensity of my reaction was more than a normal child would have.

I'll probably never forget one afternoon in 1992 when my father was turning me around to spank me and I remarked, "This is very violent!"

[Girl_Got_Style]

i know exactly how you feel... literally... EXACTLY how you feel... my mother did this to my father, my sister, and me. my mother took advantage of my father, she hurt him, accused him of things he never did, she hit him, abused him, she kicked my sister and i.. punched us,... made me feel like suicide was an option when i didn't even know what 'suicide' was... all i knew was i couldnt stand to be here in her life any longer... i went into foster care... my sister turned on me and almost killed me... slamming my head into the fireplace... we were seperated and i moved into a new home every week... it was horrible... i was 8 when i grabbed a knife out of the kitchen in one of the foster homes, i almost did it... but i was scared to...
but now... i don't even know where she is. i have no idea what she is doing, but im glad i dont. she is gone, out of my life and my aunt payed $7,000 to get my sister and i out of foster care. Im so grateful and happy now!

[godfatherfan]

That is very sad that there can be people out there like that. I was just thinking the other day that I used to know people that would send there kids to boy scout summer camp alone, or later, band camp alone, then take a week vacation and just sit home themselves. WTF? I could not imagine that. I took my vacation to spend time with my family. Vacations, camp, whatever it might be.
I work 2nd jobs at Christmas the last 2 years and take all that money so my boys can have a little extra.
I just started another part time job. So I am working around 60 hrs a week. So I have money to help my 2nd boy with college and maybe he won't have to take on so much student loans, and give them gas for their cars, I buy food and drop it off at my oldest who has moved out. I will go hungry before they ever do.
It is sad that any parent won't put their children first. I can't even imagine what would make someone be any other way..

[Heera]

Thank you for writing such an amazing myTake! I can relate to most of these so I'd like to say I understand you, at least somehow. It's a shame some people call themselves parents. Parenting isn't just supporting your child financially

[MissMc3]

Thank you so much, I'm so sorry to hear that. Nobody deserves to have a bad parent. I'm with you <3

[Heera]

:) <3