He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.

vonasaurus

You've probably all heard the phrase, "women date men who are exactly like their fathers". I'm here to confirm that this is, in fact, true: my husband shares many traits and qualities with my dad. But, before I met him, I spent years looking to the wrong father as the standard by which I would judge all men.

My parents split up in 1995, when I was just 8 years old. Bio father sent my mom, my sister, and I to Scotland on one-way tickets, then walked out on us just 3 days after we returned home. In an original plot twist, he was banging his secretary the whole time and soon disappeared from our lives completely.

He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.

Divorces are frowned upon in most Western religions (I'm from an Italian Catholic family and went to a religious school), which made me a target for bullying because my family was different- I still remember how my classmates would taunt me, saying things like, "oh, you don't have a father" or "he left because he doesn't love you anymore".

As an adult, I know that the divorce had nothing to do with me. But it was a tough pill for a little kid to swallow.

He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.

With my father out of the picture, Mom was no longer able to stay home with us and set about looking for work. She enrolled in a computer course, and that's where she met John*: like her, he was a single parent with 2 kids from his previous marriage. They went for coffee one day and, as Mom says, "I saw fireworks and heard symphonies".

They dated for nearly a year before he was introduced to us: she wanted to make sure he was The One before she brought another man into our lives. The first time he visited our apartment, Mom called us out to meet him: I remember looking up at this really tall man with long hair and cowboy boots; I mumbled a timid 'hi', and ran back to my room.

A couple of months later, someone from Mom's computer class organized an outing with the families of everyone who'd attended. My sister and I went along, and John brought his kids as well; the four of us got along famously. I still have journals from back then, in which I wrote about "my friends Doug* and Ruth*" (which is super-weird, since they're my brother and sister now).

He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.

Over the years, John became a constant in our lives and in our household. He helped us with our homework, took us on fun outings, attended our school plays and parent-teacher interviews... all things any good father should do for his kids. He had pictures of all 4 of us on display in his office and always told people who asked that he had 4 kids; he took particular delight in telling us how one customer said "all 4 of them look alike, but (gesturing to my photo) their mother must have dark hair".

He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.

Of course, good parenting means discipline as well: I remember failing a math test, after which John bought me a math workbook and a bottle of Toilet Duck, then made me scrub the toilets every night until my grades improved.

It's hilarious now, but little Von was *not* happy about it.

He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.

Mom always said that she'd never remarry. But, on Christmas Day 1999, John proposed and she accepted; they married in July 2000, and all 4 of us "kids" (I was 13, the girls were 11, and my brother was 9) were in the wedding party. As part of the ceremony, John put rings on my sister and I, and my mom put them on Doug and Ruth. The idea was that it was 2 families joining and the rings were a way of saying "I welcome you (the other parent's kids) into my family".

Instead of a honeymoon, they opted for a family vacation- our first, as a "real" family. I'd always called him by his name but, while on that trip, I slipped up and called him Dad. It stuck, and he's been Dad ever since.

He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.

My bio father has drifted in and out of my life over the years. But, as far as I'm concerned, John is my dad. He taught me to cook and drive, helped me get my first job and make the honour roll, bought me a brand new winter coat as a reward for a straight-A report card (when my old one would have sufficed), and cheered me on at my high school graduation.

Most importantly, he raised me to be strong and self-sufficient. My sisters and I weren't treated any differently than my brother was, because Dad didn't want us to be weak; he's proud of the woman I've become, and I'm proud to be his daughter.

He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.

I was19 the first time a boy broke my heart. I was living 6 hours away from home at the time, and I was on the phone with Dad... who was ready to drive that 6 hours to beat the crap out of the guy who cheated on me with my roommate. I told him, "that's now how it works".

His response: "That's exactly how it works, because you're my daughter."

He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.

Anyone can make a baby, but it takes a special kind of man to be a dad. So here's a happy Father's Day wish to my dad & all others like him, biological or otherwise.

He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.

(*names have been changed)

He's Not My Father, But He's My Dad.
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