Many People Have A Hard Time Conceiving A Child, Yet the Undeserving Ones Have No Issues...

So many women struggle for years trying to conceive a baby, the thing they want more than life itself...

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My battle.

I met my life partner in 2009. I was 21 I was ready to settle down and have a child if and whenever it happened (happens). I never charted from when my monthly cycle was to when I ovulated. I don't get ovulation pains like some women do. Unless I chart with OPK's (Ovulation Predictor Kits) which detect a LH Surge (Kinda like a HPT but a different hormone). It has been a mental struggle, because it has several times forced me to think heck, I can't get pregnant. My husband and I then talked to our regular doctor (family doctor) and she asked me a bunch of questions then she referred us to a gynecologist. There I would undergo several tests, several different ultrasounds, in and out, a lot of trips and a lot of water to be drank (LOL) not kidding those things require a lot, oh and if you're going for a long trip hopefully the road isn't bumpy LITERALLY.

She then required my partner to do a sperm test which we didn't get accurate results because we couldn't hold off. One test I had my first pap-smear ever they found an infection that caused "infertility" if left untreated both I and my partner had to take some medication which was NOT covered by my insurance, thankfully it wasn't overly expensive. She also had put me on a prescribed prenatal because he and I are trying to have a baby. Fast forward. Awhile later. I was feeling sick to my stomach and a bit of heartburn, I had dinner out one night with my family and I had something new and my stomach got upset so I didn't think anything of it and didn't suspect that I would be pregnant at this time. A few weeks later I didn't do any test I just knew and I suspected at this time that I was. I had really bad cramping down in my uterus area (pelvic area) and it took my breath away.

This was about 4 years ago or so now. I have wanted to go to another specialist, I got referred to one because the gyno was just too far away since then I had moved!. My partner and I decided the fee that they were charging was crazy and since they didn't say what exactly it was all for $175 was just a bit much so I had cancelled my appointment.

Today.

I came across a post from someone, they were younger than I. I am 30, ready to handle a baby at any time if I can fall pregnant again, they had unprotected sex with a girl and they ended up getting her pregnant, at least as the story goes. But they discussed abortion... I am highly against it unless some reasons as stands which are personal.

This upset me because people like me, have struggled. It has been 9 years and so many heartaches seeing negative pregnancy tests. I am broken. I want a baby and this kills me seeing a post about an abortion or hearing about it...

How dare you?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry for your troubles. This is why casual sex should be avoided.

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    • thank you, and I agree!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I can definitely sympathize.

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Join the discussion

What Guys Said 33

  • Undeserving ones? Really? I feel for you but it is not someone else's fault. We should not blame others. There are potentially numerous reasons you can't conceive and it is very unlikely it is anyone else's fault. I don't remember ever reading in the manual of life that it was going to be fair.

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  • And here ladies and gents, is an example of 30 yo hormones overriding rationality.

    How dare you presume another woman is undeserving...

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  • This is something my wife and I struggled with. Alas, she passed away and it never happened.

    Would you consider adoption?

    Now, I find myself staring at fifty, childless (and grandchildless) without hope of having a child or adopting one. In many ways, I don't look forward to the coming years.

    I'm not sure how old you are, but I can say that fortunately I learned to ignore what I call the "so-and-so-doesn't deserve-that-*I*-deserve-that!-demon. I call it a demon because it truly is a destructive thing. My dear, the whole world is full of people we think who don't deserve something being rewarded with that very thing we want but can't get. To listen to that anguished voice of envy, while I recognize it being inevitable some times, will only lead to further heart ache.

    Furthermore, it's worth considering that you don't know all of the circumstances with the "undeserving" ones. You don't know that there might be circumstances that you're unaware of which might make them much more deserving than you think. My sister would have probably fell under what you categorize as undeserving. She conceived a child under far less than ideal circumstances, and I had to step in as the father figure for my own niece the first five years of her life. However, my sister, who struggled with substance abuse and all kinds of other problems, turned things around. She became a great mother. My niece is very happy to have her as a mother.

    I really might consider adoption. It was something my wife was opposed to (and the source of arguments for us), but frankly I was never convinced her reasons not to adopt were very good ones.

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    • I personally don't know how I feel about it.. I haven't really discussed it as an option... An aunt of mine Adopted one child so many years ago when she and her husband were struggling but turns out it was stress for them. She was busy with her adopted daughter so she didn't have any stress or very little and she landed pregnant with 2 boys

  • You're taking it personally, there's no reason to, it's just your immediate emotional response. Life isn't fair and it's something you have to deal with, someone who is physically disabled might make the same comment about you when you decide to pass up going on a run to keep fit.

    You need to make your peace with that otherwise you'll suffer unnecessarily, and it's bad enough that any of us have to suffer at all, but YOU get to control if this brings you further down, when it need not, so have a think about that.

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  • Every generation since WW1, there have been more children, and fewer parents.

    Every generation.

    You could bring somebody new into the world, and maybe they would have a fine life, full of happiness. But probably not. The odds are against it. Very few people find happiness and love anymore.

    But there are also children who are already IN the world, already stuck here, and their odds of having a good life have just been crushed. And they are living in facilities being taken care of by total strangers, and they look out the window at night and wonder why no one is coming to save them.

    You could save some kid. Lots of folks do. Did you know Dave Thomas, of Wendy's hamburger fame was adopted? So was John Lennon. Or maybe you've heard of a guy, he was in a couple movies, sings songs, does jokes, what's his name? Oh yeah, JAMIE FOXX.

    Every generation, more children. Fewer parents. Does the world need more children? Or does it need more parents?

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    • Holy shit sooooo agreed! Too many out there needung homes yet all people want is an excuse for sexual desires and to have only their own seed. Yet everyone is a human so technically we are all related anyway.

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    • I'm not sure what you mean by "since WW1" and "few find happiness and love", it's been this way for a long time and not going to change any time soon. Sure there may have been a lot more people staying together longer as parents but mostly because there was such a huge stigma on divorce and women would lose their children through it, and before WW1 marrying for love or happiness was an even rarer thing than today. And finding love and happiness in general has been hard at any time in history.

    • @Rainie_ Every generation since WW1 has had more children and fewer parents.

      Before modern times, parents had many more children and most children did not survive. Now in modern era, this dynamic is reversed.

      You are conflating this fact with what I said about people finding love and happiness. They were two separate statements.

  • I'm sorry that you have been unable to conceive, but no one owes it to you to carry their baby to term.

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  • Biology doesn't care about your feelings or fertility. Additionally, the issue of not liking abortion is unrelated. Here's an option, stop injecting your feelings into other people's life decisions. You act like a male or female that is going through a choice of having or their partner having an abortion is a personal slight against you. How self-important can you get?

    Additional thoughts:
    1. LH is luteinizing hormone, if you bring it up actually state the word before using an abbreviation.
    2. Your partner needs to get a male fertility. You can just go, oh lol he can't hold of (sex or jerking it) and then go guess we'll never know! If he's a potential source of your inability to conceive then why haven't you ruled that out.
    3. You had an STD but don't state what kind of STD it was. Papsmears typically look for pre-cancerous or cancerous legions caused by Human papilloma virus (HPV) which causes warts. Different strains prefer to replicate in different areas, cervical cancers can be caused by this. However, given that you were on medication you were likely harboring a bacterial STD which is anyone's guess how you got it if you both were in a committed relationship. If you rule out promiscuity then it sounds like you both unknowingly had an STD that could cause sterility... for some time. So again, who knows if this could be a cause because you don't know when you were infected and how long you went without treatment.

    You like to bring up things like medication not being covered my insurance. For one, an STD medication should be so either something is very wrong or you failed to ask for a generic that your provider did cover (yes insurance companies aren't obligated to cover name brand drugs if cheaper alternative exist). The rest of your post is text-book projection. You have fertility issues, some of which might not be either of your fault, some of which might be. The ones that aren't are still caused by either your or his body regardless. But instead you latch on to women that don't want a pregnancy at this time and attak them as some sort of twisted coping mechanism.

    Good luck with what you want out of life but stop projecting on to others.

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  • Undeserving Ones?
    Explain please.

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  • Survival of the fit enough is how natural selection works. Not survival of the fittest. Evolution doesn't care about money or if you're "ready" for a child.

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  • I agree

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  • It's so true. My neighbors are the worst people. They live on a 2 bedroom apartment and they bring their family over everyday. Usually 2-4 people stay over every night to sleep over for no reason, and on fridays all the way to sundays there's 10-20 family members who come randomly barge into the apartment whenever they feel like, who are intentionally making sounds with their chairs to annoy the neighbors. Bear in mind that our neighbors are 70 years old, so we thought we would be living a quite and peaceful life on this apartment. Then, in the meantime those fuckers are popping babies out left and right. Meanwhile our landlord lives in the apartment next to us, but pretends like nothing's going on. Where is the justice in that?

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  • I was just talking about this to this woman couple days ago. Someone close to her can't have babies and she has been trying for years, actually two women have had this same problem. Yet you have others aborting like its nothing. Good mytake, sorry to hear your story.

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  • How could you even tell that others didn't deserve to conceive a child?

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  • Twice I had unprotected sex twice I had kids. I'll hook you up, I'm more fertile than a spring field

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  • I agree

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  • There is always hope and I'm sure u r tired of hearing it but thinking positive is what makes us overcome things in life but putting negativity bc of somebody else... that needs to stop and even though I know where u come from there is no need for it... just to clarify I am 26 and not 17.. put in wrong info

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    • is there any way you can change that info to fix that?

  • Everyone has their reasons... I wouldn't say they are undeserving though,,, a little harsh

    Every women is deserving of a child
    You'll get it and if not you can always adopt a deserving child or use a surrogate...

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    • I wasn't say they were undeserving its, just funny how it works people that SHOULDN''T get pregnant they do... just its bad because the person was having casual sex and he managed to get 2 knocked up... that's what bugs me the most and then abortion on top of it. People like me struggle for so long right so when you hear something like that its shattering

  • You sound just like my sister. Hopefully you don't become as bitter as her. Adoption is always an option.

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  • It is a story you hear about a lot and my heart goes out to you - Have you ever considered having children that are not yours biologically? - When I was growing up adoption was a very common thing.

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  • That sounds hard. How far would you go to make sure a child came from you? Because there are adoption is always a possibility too

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What Girls Said 37

  • So you had chamaydia and it scared causing infertility. Did you and your boyfriend check after the antibiotics to make sure the infection was cleared? Have you had any hormone testing to check for common things that cause infertility like PCOS? A common disease no one talks about that effects around 10% of women in this day and age. You can be skinny and have periods with it as well. Essentially your insulin gets thrown off which throws your reproductive system off. Also, maybe you shouldn't judge people that have had an abortion. You wouldn't want people to judge you for having caught an std in the past would you?

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    • it wasn't chamaydia, don't even assume that... i'm not judging the abortion part its self because if there are certain reasons to get one, not just because " Oh I had sex with this Bitc* and I'm irresponsible and I don't want this bitc* having my baby" Which inspired this mytake that type I am talking about... How about you? you try so hard to have a baby and then something happens you can't for whatever reason. And then just imagine seeing something like that how tf would you feel? just saying.

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    • PCOS is one of the most leading causes of infertility and it is common

    • I've never been tested for PCOS I kind of mentioned it over with my doctor because I had heard its not fun. I can only imagine.. If you really want a baby and are willing to try there is stuff you can take, join a few trying to get pregnant groups on facebook get some feedback :)

  • Obviously I feel very sorry for you. To not be able to have a child when you want one must be heartbreaking. But it's also a case of life. You're not a god, you don't get to choose who can and can't have a baby. Nor does it give you the right to judge others for their predicament. There's adoption and other ways of trying to conceive, if you're so against abortion, why not adopt? Obviously, it's a tough thing to deal with but get off your high horse. There are starving children in the world already, I don't see you rushing out to save them?

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  • Why don't you adopt before you sit around and say, how dare these unprepared kids, choose not to have a kid of their own. I myself couldn't imagine having an abortion but do you know how much abuse (sexual, physical, psychological, financial, etc.) goes on within the foster system? Babies aren't cheap and there are already plenty of children being used as sex toys and meal tickets. I think that you should use your maternal nature to save a life instead of ragging on 2 terrified kids.

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  • I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through such a terrible struggle. I feel for you but it's really not up to you to determine when someone is undeserving or not. For example I'm not the brightest crayon in the box but I do pretty well in school with lots of extra practice. I know plenty of flat out brilliant people who don't try at school and thus are doing poorly. It's not my place to say they don't deserve to be smart because they are wasting their intelligence. It's their life. I'm not trying to bash you in any way shape or form I'm just saying it's nobody's place to judge other people's situations. I wish you all the best though!

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    • Happy to be the first to upvote this.

      You know, as of writing this there are three downvotes. Frankly that's depressing. At age 17, my dear, you show more wisdom than people two, three, and (sadly) four times your age.

      I believe that there are *clearly* a handful of cases where someone didn't deserve something. I think it's safe to say Magda Goebels didn't deserve her kids. Virtually everyone would agree on that. But in most cases, we simply don't know all the circumstances to decide if someone is or isn't deserving.

    • @Bluemax thank you very much sir! 😊

  • Just because you can't conceive doesn't mean you'll never have a kid - there's adoption. A child doesn't need to be your blood in order for it to be your family. And there's a lot of kids out there in desperate need of a very loving home that actually WANT a child.

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  • How dare you say a mother has no right to her body?

    How dare you decide what she does with her baby and her body?

    How dare you state that she is undeserving of the baby?

    And if you have problems in conception, then don't have a child. There are too many humans on the world now currently.

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  • the grass is always greener...

    look just pay attention to your own life. laying your emotional baggage on anyone is a totally douche move, and no NOTHING that happens to you EVER justifies it. i've met incredible people who've gone through TERRIBLE things and they still manage to have some poise about it. i'm not discounting your pain, i'm just saying it is yours and yours only, it is unique to you and has nothing to do with the choices anyone else makes. don't spread it. if you need support, fine. ask for it. but bitterness and lashing out will only gain the favor of trolls.

    take control, you're in charge. you want to be a mother? adopt. you will be fantastic mother to someone who needs and you will make a productive happy human who will go on to do the same for others in the future. it's too important a task, too strong of a calling for you to get caught up in trivialities.

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  • Like you, it's one of those things that absolutely drive me crazy.

    I want to get pregnant more than anything else in the world and there are girls who have unprotected sex once, get pregnant and then have an abortion.

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  • Such a strange world we live in. Don't give up hope though. One of my high school friends struggled with getting pregnant for years. So she and her husband ended up adopting. Shortly thereafter, she got pregnant! She gave birth to a baby boy.

    So try not and stress about it because that it will only get in the way (i know, easier said than done). You still have a good chance.

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  • Infection that can cause infertility? Sounds like you are talking about chlamydia or gonorrhea. I'm not sure how sexually active you were before you met your husband and if you always used condoms but if he's the one who contracted it first... it's possible that he's infertile. People can have those infections for years without knowing it. Aka they are "symptomatic". It's very common. And since you never got an accurate result for his sperm test you wouldn't know that. I would try getting a retest.

    Also I know it's frustrating for you, but not everyone shares your opinion on children. Live and let live.

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  • have you had the test where they flush watery xray viewable dye up into your fallopian tubes and then xray to check for blockages (like the kind caused by scar tissue from infection) ?

    ”The HSG test is a radiology procedure usually done in the radiology department of a hospital or outpatient radiology facility. Radiographic contrast (dye) is injected into the uterine cavity through the vagina and cervix.”

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  • I'm sorry you've had trouble, and I can see your frustration with people who don't even appreciate what they have.

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    • Agreed other people can't see that...

  • Did you know that women are only fertile for about 12 hours every month, and that the human body is actively doing everything it can to prevent pregnancy? The uterus is a hostile environment. Pregnancy puts immense stress on your body.

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  • Let me write a few lines from my language:

    নদীর এপার কহে ছাড়িয়া নিশ্বাস, ওপারেতে সব সুখ আমার বিশ্বাস।

    I knew you didn't understand anything. This basically translates to "One side of the river sighs and says that all happiness lies on the other side". We're never content with ourselves. Fertile people abort their children, infertile people cry for babies. I'm personally against abortion too and more practice of safe sex and less promiscuous act should be heavily encouraged. It just happens like that.

    Since you're pretty vague about your problem, can you try for a test tube baby? Would you like to adopt a child? There are so many options out there for you. I'm sure you've already tried more than what I can think of, but I'm just asking.

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  • There are options have u seeked those options out?

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  • Just because a teen or couple decide to abort doesn't mean they don't deserve. They could be middle schoolers, teenagers, etc., who don't have access to condoms and protective stuff like an adult would. Because they decide to abort does not mean they are undeserving. More like they are not ready to burden the weight of a child on their life, or the burden of a child on the girl. If the girl is in an unhealthy state, that only makes it worse for the baby when it is born. You must get past your blind hormones and see that life isn't fair. You could really adopt if you wanted, and I get why most people want a baby that really was theirs. But if you REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted a baby so bad..

    You should just adopt.

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  • I should do a test called...

    Let's see if I can get pregnant and feel the horrible pain of giving birth.

    Lol jk

    I don't know if I'm fertile or not and honestly I don't want to know until it's time for me to settle down. My parents are going to be old as hell if I get pregnant.

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  • I'm so sorry. I can sympathize, and to an extent empathize. I'm a girl who's wanted children her whole life, yet has been diagnosed with early stages of PCOS which can lead to infertility. The very idea crushes me, and I'm a ways away from actually trying for children, so I can't begin to fully imagine the pain and heartbreak you've experienced. It's not fair, it's never fair that those capable and deserving have some of the hardest times having children, while others can get pregnant without effort and fail to value the precious life they have created. I know people who should never have had children, because they've abused and hurt their kids in ways that make them undeserving to be called parents, and at the same time I've seen good people, loving people struggle for reasons incomprehensible to conceive. I hope that things change for you, and please know that you are not alone in your suffering. Best wishes~

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  • I always say this like the people who aren't ready or need kids atm have them but people who truly want to sometimes don't. Its weird but it happens

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  • Have you guys ever thought about adopting? There are many kids out there that need a mom and dad.

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