Growing Up an Only Child Can Affect You in Ways You Wouldn't Think Of...

[Anonymous]

I was an only child til I was 15 and my mom dropped the ball saying she was pregnant in Wal-Mart (of all places), and I'm now 23 and those 15 years of being an only child really shaped how my world is and how I view it. Growing up, I lived with my grandparents, two of my uncles and my mom and my mom was an alcoholic, and so were my uncles so my grandparents were the ones who raised me and they strictly spoke Navajo, which wasn't a problem until I started school and English became my primary language.

Once I started school, I lost touch with my native language so I couldn't really communicate with my grandparents, my mom would be gone for days/weeks at a time. I had cousins around my age but they hardly visited, so I grew up by myself. From a toddler till I was in 7th grade, I lived with my grandparents, and sure I had friends at school, but I never saw them outside of school, and i never participated in activities outside of school.

Once 7th grade came and a few years passed after my grandfather passed away, my mom and I moved from my grandma and uncles and she was still an alcoholic at the time dating a married guy. I became even more alone after that, because my mom ruined relationships with relatives because of her current relationship and we lived in the middle of nowhere so whenever she would leave I was by myself. I had no phone or internet so I couldn't talk to anyone... I wasn't allowed to go hang out with friends and the friends I had didn't understand that.

Being alone for so long, you don't know how to interact with people, and it's so hard to make friends. So the lack of communication I had resulted in me in losing my friends and it's still a big issue now. I have severe social anxiety and it's difficult to overcome. And because I was always alone, whenever something would happen to me, I wouldn't tell anyone and I would block it out but doing that resulted in me bottling everything up and not knowing how to deal with stress and frustrations...

I am constantly overthinking, and whenever someone talks to me I freeze and just smile because it's so new for me. Being an only child can have advantages sometimes, but it can also be super lonely depending on the environment you have around you.

[Wally48]

Oh there's no doubt that being an only child, particularly an adopted one like myself presented huge social and developmental challenges. I had very narcissistic parents that were hyper controlling and at times abusive when drunk. They felt very badly that they couldn't produce a child naturally, and made it clear to me early on that I was a distant second choice; a defective second place. We lived in a community that had large families, so peers were always amazed I had no sibs. One of the biggest challenges was when things got shitty and abusive at home, I had no sibs to share the pain with.

But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I was raised entirely among adults, and a close friend who knew me then told me I never had a childhood. So I was determined to socialize myself. I tried to make friends in Junior High, and made a few. I made a few more in High School, and a few are lifetime friends even today. In college I decided I had to figure the girl thing out. So I did. And it was very rewarding. Girls changed my life for the better.

So Anonymous, all told I think your childhood was harder than mine, and I wouldn't wish mine on anyone. Did you grow up on on the Navajo reservation at 4 corners? Shit that's a pretty isolated place! Very beautiful though. I grew up in Utah. I encourage you not to give up. Developing social skills is practice, learning, and repetition. Remember to take risks and hang it out there. Take advantage of the educational opportunities that are available to tribal people. You sound like a beautiful and intelligent person. People will see that in you. Good luck.

[BeeNee]

Although I would agree that being an only child can have certain effects on you, I'm not sure you personally are placing the blame in the right place. If you had had a mother or parents who made it a point to have you socialize and hang out with friends or other family members, who did not leave you alone for weeks at a time with grandparents whom you had a language barrier with, or weren't alcoholic (which is a whole other ball of wax), you may have been just fine.

50% of my best friends are only children, and though they have issues like everyone else, it's not doom and gloom and being around them, they are well adjusted. You unfortunately did not have the benefit of being in really healthy environments or having a lot of contact with others or it seems a parent who was really concentrated on your well being, so that, more than simply being an only child, is what has probably shaped the majority of your issues now.

[butvolca]

Hello from a fellow only child ✋
I am 21 and an only child. Earlier, I used to feel the exact same way as you did. Like I used to be lonely and all on my own. My cousins also live in another city and never actually had a chance to create a bond with them. I used to cry and shell up especially seeing all my friends sharing great bonds with their siblings. But then few years back, I decided to actually take advantage of this situation rather than become a critic about life.
Ever since, I think being lonely has made me independent, I've learnt to fight on my own for things I want and most importantly it made me so tough mentally. What changed is now my perspective about things has changed. I look at the positive and good things about it. Remember everyone has different situations. Being lonely or an only child does not mean you stay the same nor is the end of the world. You're going to fine. Do not overthink because that will only make you sad again and again.
I hope you get good friends, friends who accept for who you are for all the unique and great things you bring with your personality. 😇☺

[themetalhead]

I've always been an only child. I never had too much communication with other people until 7th grade because I was homeschooled on a computer. I mean I'm still homeschooled that way but this is a website where you can communicate with other students and teachers. I was glad to have finally found a best friend who is like a mirrored reflection of me in personality. but its true, being an only child has its own struggles, though now I surely don't want a little bro or sister to bug me all the time. my friend is close enough to being considered a sister lol. But yeah it sucks you had to go through the hard life you did like that, so sorry. however I don't believe that being an only child was the full problem of your life. unfortunately it was your mom, which I hate saying

[MarkRet]

I grew up as an only child (well, I have an older half-brother, but he moved out when I was about 1 or 2), and I always felt like some kind of freak, because EVERY other kid I knew had at least one brother or sister. That point would constantly be driven home to me whenever I met some adult. one of the first things they'd say would be, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

When you have a brother or sister, you could sort of trade notes and experiences on things relating to your generation. It's all part of growing up. I never had such a connection, other than a roundabout way through friends.

Most of the company we had were adults, so I felt like I was constantly being looked at, which made me uncomfortable. I'd hang out with friends during the daytime, but by evening, I felt pretty much alone. I think that kind of upbringing was probably a factor in my having difficulty connecting with people later as an adult.

[narusasuyaoixoxo]

All you said really seems to me that it's far more related to your actual lifestyle, whether or not you were an only child.

I'm 22, and I've been an only child up to only last year, in which my father had a child with his girlfriend (been divorced from my mother for over 10 years). I actually loved being an only child all the way through, and the solitude only allowed me to know myself better than other people seem to know themselves. If I can relate to anything you say in regards to socialising, I can admit I've somewhat struggled with my share of social anxiety.

[Nomad6993]

Sounds similar i have like 2 friends in real time other than online and we aren't close, my closest friend got engaged so that's basically the end of our friendship spoke like 3 times in the past 6 months kind of pointless. I get social anxiety too and i never knew my grandparents at all they were dead before i was born and a couple by the time i was 2 and i moved around like 4 times growing up and got into drugs for awhile which didn't help

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how you could speak Navajo fluently since no other language was spoken at home, yet stopped being able to when you started school?

Anyway, that's the kind of thing you learn with age. No one's childhood is perfect. You go forward and try to improve, if you think there are things that need to be improved.
You can talk to other people too, don't always have to wait for them to talk to you or guess your circumstances.

[lilaqua]

this is very specific to your experience, not necessarily the experience of all only children. I never had these issues.

[BrittBratt2416]

Being an only child doesn't seem like that's the problem, it's how your mother raised you and what she put you through... which was pretty bad...

[Wally48]

Yes it was pretty bad. She's chalking it up to being an only child because she didn't have any sibs to share the pain with, or to help her socialize to another person her age. Unless you've experienced being an only child in a really messed up home, you have no idea how awful it is.

[LegateLanius]

Sounds more like that you grew up with a parent that made poor choices than to be taking care of their child, not necessarily about growing up an only child

[Omar5881]

This really has nothing to do with being only child , your mom is a really really bad mom

[Unit1]

This! ^

[Halucinator]

I'm an only child too

[Anonymous]

You are right.