My take on why I think I am lonely and maybe a lot of you are too

HOAAH

If you want you can google "loneliness pandemic" and a bunch of articles will pop up.

So lonely, cant sleep.
So lonely, can't sleep.

If you google "statistics of loneliness" a bunch of more articles will pop up.

I was listening to a podcast called "all my friends are not ok" and she talked about loneliness.

There was a TED talk about loneliness, and how not having friends makes you unhealthy, as compared to smoking 10 cigs a day. I don't smoke by the way.

So why am I lonely? My mother brainwashed me to believe that everyone hates me, and I walk around thinking people don't care about me and want me dead. Then they'll be happy. My mom treats me this way still. In the past it was worse, and she used to physically beat me up and locked me out of the house for many days without food. It really sucked. It just kind of locked in to my head, and my fear helps me to avoid people and not talk to anyone. Everything I say or do just annoys and irritates people to death and they secretly just want to use me and kill me like my mom did. That's why I am lonely as hell. I don't share these thoughts with anyone. No one really knows the real me. Except you, reader. But I don't really know you so that's ok.

As for the rest of the population, I think they are lonely due to some kind of mental wiring that they got from childhood, just like the Netflix show "YOU" with Penn Badgley. There's imperfect people raising these kids, with imperfect love or you could say hate. The hate breeds fear, and fear breads wanting to hide and or be by yourself to avoid a bunch of hurt. Similar to my situation. By the way, Penn's character Joe was NOT lonely in the show, but secretly he could not build "healthy" relationships. I'm sort of in the same boat.

I am not saying all people are like this. There's only a certain percentage that are lonely like me, and maybe it is you and you're trying to figure it out so you are not so lonely. Well, I just want to say that you are not alone. I'm trying too. Don't give up hope. Maybe your best friend will be around the corner in a few days. Who knows.

For those of you who are not lonely. I am so glad you are not. It is healthy for you to have deep and very meaningful connections with others.

Thanks for reading! and I wish you all well.

My take on why I think I am lonely and maybe a lot of you are too
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  • eagle1951
    been lonely since my wife of 37 years passed away Feb 19th 2018
    Like 2 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • HOAAH

      sorry to hear that. those 37 years were meaningful and deep and no one can replace that. It can feel lonely because of that, but I hope you can still get some connections even if it is not as deep. Although when I say connection, I do not mean to find someone to replace her. Just a friend.

  • jimmy2
    God bless you. I hope things turn around for you
    Like 2 People
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

310
  • FunkyMonkee
    Join the club! I've been lonely nearly all my life! I tell people that I'm an only child in a family of 6! My brother was always more popular than me and, was big into guns so, anytime we'd go outside to play, we nearly always ended up playing "War" and, although I never liked it or even the concept of real wars, I'd only play along with the others just to be ABLE to play with them! Normally, I'd get home from school and jump on my bike and ride 3 to 6 miles away to a number of record stores. Of course, no one would ever go with me! A couple years ago, I bought The Beatles editions of Trivial Pursuit and Monopoly and, to this day, I've never played either one! I tried the TP by myself, once but, I don't even remember if I even bothered to finish the game!
    2 days ago was the first time anyone (except for two of my cousins) came to visit me in about 7 or 8 years!! I was telling him about how lonely I've always been and he kept saying he couldn't figure out why because I'm a very kind and caring guy and a lot of fun to hang with!
    Like 1 Person
    • HOAAH

      Dude thanks for welcoming to your club!! I have no real friends who are so close that they plan on intentionally coming to visit me just because they love me!! It's so lonely and i wish i could hang out with people a few times a week but my anxiety does not permit me to make friends. So sad!!

    • No problem, hun and, you're quite welcome!
      The friend that was just here 2 days ago lives about a 10 hour drive from here and he only swings by this way once every few years. I've known him since about 1998 and he's only been here 3 times since then.
      I seriously doubt you're as "bad" a person as you seem to think you are. I never had much in the way of friends until I joined my band in 1980 and I was also a bit introvert until then, too. Once I got on stage and started playing gigs for our fans, it was kinda like my world opened up at least a bit. With the band, I was a lot more out-going but, in my personal life, I was still quite alone. I'd rather be with someone but, the good thing about being alone is hat I was able to get a lot of stuff done on my many recording projects (recording my vast record collection to tape or CD).
      For quite a long time, my "girlfriend" was one of my dogs! Dogs love me! If I was sitting on the front porch steps by myself and Sammi or Murphy wanted out with me (we had Sammi from 1981 `til 1993 and Murphy from 1993 until 2005, I think), someone inside would let her out (they were both girl dogs), and she'd very happily run up behind me, stick her nose through my arm at my side, shove her entire body through so that my arm was draped around her as if she was my girlfriend putting my arm around her, plop her ass onto the porch RIGHT next to me and then she'd lean into me!! I've often wished I could get girls to do that!!

    • When my ex-fiance and I were still seeing each other, she got two dogs that loved me to death!! From the second I'd set foot into the apartment, Gina would run circles of high praise around me for a good 15 or 20 minutes, excitedly barking and yipping her head off and Anu couldn't even get in to give me a hug and kiss!! Rusty was a smaller dog and, even though he was thrilled to see me, too, Gina would practically trample him in order to get me all to herself!! Sadly, Rusty felt like he was in the way and would just sit in the corner to keep FROM getting trampled! When Gina died a few years later, Anu got a new dog, Nikki, who was madly in love with me and proved it quite a lot by humping my leg!! I thought only boy dogs did that!!
      What sort of things do you like to do?

    • Show All
  • lightbulb27

    Good introspection! I wonder why would she lock a child outside for days: inability to handle the stresses? that's what someone did to her? Spite? Punishment for lack of obedience? Terrible parenting... I see my girlfriend do good parenting, and it's hard work. This was pure abuse. I know of another female (Suzanne) that got treatment like that from mother.. locked in a closet.. and she was screwed up, depths of which I don't know fully. I can only guess your mother took on some fear (sounds like some mental illness)... which she projected onto you. It seems like wounds propagate, define, and control til they are healed.

    ... using this to reflect on myself and my own healing...
    I have two people I'd call close friends. That's it. Most I abandoned without feeling, carelessness. I'm plastic emotionally. Some that hung around would take from me and it felt good... I'd give. I felt valued when I gave myself away... a prior friendzone to note, an older woman... those who are selfish got my priority emotionally, and I gave freely. I resonate to wounded and needy people. So I feel good helping the helpless, which I think is how I feel. It's also not good.

    I noticed of myself... oddities, resistance, difficulty... with intimacy and attachment/detachment, and trust. I avoid becoming too close, if someone showed romantic interest, I'd often run or block them emotionally. For trust, I would avoid trusting people who try to be too close, but if I perceived they were down/needy, I'd give myself too much. I'd discard friends (male or female) without feeling of loss and when I reconnect, it's like yesterday and there's been no distance.
    Like 1 Person
    • I think I'm "backfilling" a wound of "feeling of abandonment", of being put down, lack of nurturing? so that's what I try to give to the hurt, which was me? It's hard to examine ones self... and then figure out what is good and right.

      In essence, I lack emotional for self worth/self preservation... at times. I don't like to argue and will avoid conflict. My peak escalation point is rage, not sadness. Avoidance of sadness... that feeling I had as a child, I remember... being crushed inside.

      How'd I get there? I was born in a car, I was small, I was rejected (not held) by my father because I was small... my mother was preoccupied with my sick sibling and busy so... maybe I wasn't as attentive, she was loving... when she was there emotionally. I got a lot of put downs from a sibling and father [although I also showed love] and I remember it hurting and sinking into myself emotionally. I was too senstitive, so my heart became dull to compensate.

      I don't feel lonely, I strive to be alone, and then seek ways to fill it and avoid the feelings. We may all process things differently, but this is how I relate to the question.
      The solution? I think there's power in forgiving my caregivers to start. Forgive myself for my failings. Acceptance of where I am in life. That's a start.

    • I have a girlfriend now, and time with the kids from her X. I enjoy being a helper for the family... it's a good role for me. I enjoy taking the daughter to school.. it gives a focus and purpose to get moving. I don't wake up alone anymore and have someone to hug, snuggle, to care for and think about that appreciates me enough to be there. That helps... maybe what I needed was reassurance and didn't get that as a child? I got a lot of negativity. In the past, I was alone or a remote play friend at best and had to find ways to fill the void, of eating alone, having no focus.
      I also know living with another can be more lonely than being alone... I've had others tell me that. I wonder if that's your reality if you don't feel you get support you need.

    • HOAAH

      thanks for sharing. I see you used words like rejected and sensitive. I can relate to those feelings of being too sensitive and rejected. I also choose "rage" as my go to emotion. I need to work on it.

    • Show All
  • Daniela1982
    You can have friends galore but still be lonely. And most of the time depression is the companion of loneliness.My take on why I think I am lonely and maybe a lot of you are tooMy take on why I think I am lonely and maybe a lot of you are too
    Like 1 Person
    • HOAAH

      Your memes are sooo me. Thanks for sharing!!

  • exitseven
    Our formative years manifest itself in many ways. Kids learn what they are taught by their parents. Bed behavior can become normalized. I never saw a real loving relationship up close so I did not know how it worked. This caused problems in my marriage.
    Covid has screwed up a lot of people and lots of people feel isolated. It will be a long time before this gets resolved.
    I think that the fact that you realize you have been mistreated will help you find your way.
    LikeHelpful 2 People
    • HOAAH

      Very true. Good relationship needs to be modeled to us for us to know how to have them. My parents hated each other. My mom never had any real friends. I totally agree that the pandemic made people more lonely. I heard the suicide rate went up because of the lonely isolations. It is so sad.

    • exitseven

      @hoaah Yes, I am getting to the age where I read the obits everyday to see who died. If there is a guy in his 30's or 40's and he died and he does not have the typical biography of a drug addict, then it has been usually a suicide.

  • MCheetah
    You'll find someone. You're female.My take on why I think I am lonely and maybe a lot of you are tooMy take on why I think I am lonely and maybe a lot of you are tooMy take on why I think I am lonely and maybe a lot of you are tooMy take on why I think I am lonely and maybe a lot of you are too
    Girls be like...
    Girls be like...
    "Everything I say or do just annoys and irritates people to death... No one really knows the real me."

    You just need to dig a little deeper, is all. Find the real root of your problem, and then maybe people won't think of you as an asshole anymore. Not that I believe they do, in the first place. People like that have no self-awareness and would not mind annoying others even if they did.

    As for me, I've embraced the loneliness. That's common for men, nowadays. There's nothing that can be done about it, as far as relationship loneliness goes. All the women of the world will find and meet someone, including all the lesbians, and all the lonely men of the world will live in caves and forests and slowly die out. I'll see the rest of you fellas, there.
    • HOAAH

      You don't have to "embrace" the loneliness. All things are possible for those who keep trying!
      I do try, I am married. I have 3 kids. I do go to bible study. I try to reach out, take leadership roles and put my kids in clubs and sports where I meet others. I am lonely because I can't get that "deep" trusting connection with others. Also, if you are trying a lot and nothing is happening maybe there is something about you that you should change. I try to go to counseling and read a lot of self help books... good luck to you.

  • ohshee
    Well I want to say thank you for your my cake that is very beautiful I hate your mom treated you that way I hate if anybody treated you that way it made me have to think about it. And I had to ask myself am I lonely to be honest with you it would be so easy to be lonely but there's just too many things to do too many places to go and I love to smile I don't care what people think of me to a point. I mean they can judge me all they want but until they know me I don't really care we are our own person the person inside of us I call it energy. We are made from water and atoms. Atoms broke down is energy it's the thing that guy just teaches us and warns us about people places and things I don't care what people say about me or do or try to do to me I can walk away I can take it or I can just get pissed and say stop now. But what really pisses me off is when people pick on other people knowing that is it is affecting them that puts me in a whole different Realm I can't tell you what to do I can only tell you for me what works is I am who I am I am the only person on the inside of me that can guide me and to tell me if I'm lonely or if I'm sad or from happy. We were all given a gift when we are born and that gift is the word choice we choose who we want to be in life and things we say and do we choose if we're sad we choose if we're happy we choose everything we want or don't want and we need do you understand that is our choice and nobody else can make it happen except for us
    • HOAAH

      thanks for the compliment on my mytake. It was just a very personal mytake. I just relate to all those who are lonely!

    • ohshee

      Yes I can feel that coming from you in every one of your words
      Every once in awhile I'll go buy some bread and some peanut butter and jelly and I'll make a bunch of sandwiches and I'll take it to the homeless it's becoming winter time here so do they need coats and food but anyway as I handed out all the sandwiches I went and I sat down and I was just watching and I watch these people talk to themselves use their hands and body language. Maybe talk to themselves answer themselves. But I noticed when I would hand them a sandwich I would look deep into their eyes and I could see somebody else not who's ever portraying to be I wanted to know something what makes a person this way this was like about 8:39 in the morning and from that moment I started talking to myself just being weird and trying to talk myself into a lot of weird things and I did this for over 8 hours Non-Stop every second of the day just talking talking every once in awhile I would flashback and say you're going too far it is time to stop this little game you're playing and I'll tell you what I had myself talked into being crazy it took me an hour to un talked myself I mean I was scared. That I was not going to be able to snap out of it so what I'm trying to say is that our minds are very very powerful I thought about this question yesterday and today and I think I said I wasn't really lonely but the more I talk to myself today I started to realize maybe I am and that's the power of our brain so I have to be honest with myself I am content I'm happy am I lonely sometimes am I more horny all the time that I want to please a woman all the time that's my loneliness and that's as far as I'll take it because it will bring me down and I would start believing in it and that's not me so just be careful if you ever need to talk or anything like that just send me a message I'll talk if I'm on if I'm not on I'll send you a message when I get on

    • HOAAH

      Loneliness... It affects our minds man. I am so lonely i am thinking of fostering a teen. That's how lonely i am.

    • Show All
  • Laura456
    It's good that you're opening up about your situation, accepting what's happened and trying to overcome it by spreading hope and positivity. Those kinds of traits draw good people into our lives.
    Helpful 1 Person
  • Iron_Man
    I’m sorry to hear that have you tried therapy? I hope that you’ll be OK
    Helpful 1 Person
    • HOAAH

      I will be fine. I have tried counseling since 16.

    • Iron_Man

      Glad to hear that

  • Sam2021
    We are human and meant to be with someone. We were made in pairs and yes self love is very important.
    Helpful 1 Person
  • Jamie05rhs
    Hey, @HOAAH. Thanks for writing this Take. Thanks for having the courage to share your story with us. I'm very sorry you had to go through that. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think your mom was worse than mine.

    I've felt lonely, too, in the past. But I'm pretty much used to being alone now. Plus, I'm an introvert, so I can only handle so much action anyway.

    Right now I feel like I have plenty of friends -- even good ones -- so I'm very blessed. But I'm always open and welcoming to anyone else who wants to be my friend.

    Of course, having a girlfriend would be great; that's the greatest thing that's lacking in my life right now. How did you meet your husband? I need advice lol.
    • HOAAH

      Hahaha... I hope you find a girlfriend. I actually met him at elementary school but we dated vis fb at 24. I barely see him bc of his work. Marriage doesn't really make my loneliness go away. I am happy you have lots of good friends.

    • Jamie05rhs

      Thank you.

      Oh- that's cool!

      I'm sorry you don't get to see him a lot because of work. But that's the trade-off that a lot of couples choose.
      I hope you guys can see each other more, though, in the future, if that's what you guys want.

    • HOAAH

      We have nothing in common except our age, we were both abused as kids and we both are introverted. So i don't care to see him much actually. I know that sounds bad. Hahaha.

    • Show All
  • austinjhonny
    Yes we are the same as you,
    Funny 1 Person
  • Anonymous
    better to be alone than hurt by anyone because when you're alone nobody can hurt you
    • HOAAH

      Fear... Fear of being hurt... It also prevents you from finding deep and true happiness!!

    • Anonymous

      no such thing as true happiness

    • HOAAH

      Says you who isn't full of hope!

  • Anonymous
    Haven't found the one that I like that likes me.
    LikeHelpful 2 People
    • HOAAH

      wish you the best!

    • Anonymous

      Thank you!

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