I'm becoming really good friends with this girl at work. But the more I get to know her the more I don't like how she handles relationships. She is a great friend but a shitty gf/fiance.
She and her fiance are in a long distance relationship. She met the new guys and they started their fling about a year ago. After the first time, she told her fiance (then boyfriend) that she cheated. It was a big deal, they worked through it. My friend was supposed to end things but she kept messing with the guy. Now the new guy doesn't want her and she was depressed. Now she's messing with a new guy she has feelings for.
She keeps coming to me for advice and I tell her to break up with the fiance, let him live his life. She doesn't want to do that. I don't want to be around her because I hate cheating/cheaters. They aren't shit. But I feel conflicted because she is my friend and has been a good friend. But she's doing fucked up things!
Should I make this decision based on my morals and how I feel about her decisions?
Most Helpful Guy
I think you're conflicted because you're confusing two issues. She's her own person and you wish she would do things your way. You feel you are encouraging cheating by being friends with her, which is very untrue. Sure cheating is not great, but it often is a symptom of a greater problem, and not the problem itself. You mentioned that she's a good friend. Has she done anything intentionally to harm you? Has she intentionally harmed others? Those are the important questions. She confessed her cheating, so already that's a good sign. Remember that people evolve. So her behaviour might not be the same her whole life. Despite your differences, do you think you can be there for her in times of need? She seems confused and unhappy, and I think she really needs a friend. Like someone else mentioned, she needs a friend for therapy.
I used to hate the idea of cheating, but as I grow older I realize that life is more complex than that. Ultimately the decision is yours. There is no right or wrong, only the path you choose to take.3
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Most Helpful Girl
No it's not wrong to drop her. She knows what she's doing is wrong and comes to you for affirmation. She asks your advice and doesn't listen. Those are not good characteristics in a friend. If she can sit here and lie to her fiancé and keep this from him... she will screw you over as a friend. She is going to destroy the guy she is with and she seems to be okay with that. That's selfish. She's not ready for marriage. She needs to get her life in order and stop being inconsiderate of others.8
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