I'm becoming really good friends with this girl at work. But the more I get to know her the more I don't like how she handles relationships. She is a great friend but a shitty gf/fiance.
She and her fiance are in a long distance relationship. She met the new guys and they started their fling about a year ago. After the first time, she told her fiance (then boyfriend) that she cheated. It was a big deal, they worked through it. My friend was supposed to end things but she kept messing with the guy. Now the new guy doesn't want her and she was depressed. Now she's messing with a new guy she has feelings for.
She keeps coming to me for advice and I tell her to break up with the fiance, let him live his life. She doesn't want to do that. I don't want to be around her because I hate cheating/cheaters. They aren't shit. But I feel conflicted because she is my friend and has been a good friend. But she's doing fucked up things!
Should I make this decision based on my morals and how I feel about her decisions?
Most Helpful Guy
Well, long distance relationships are a complicated thing. But the paradigm still stands, if you have a partner and there is a certain amount of devotion going on, it is morally wrong to cheat on him/her.
So much for that, as to whether you should keep her as a friend. Well, if the only interaction going on is you being an advisor and a dustbin for emotions, then yes. Because this is toxic and one gets tired of it at one point, furthermore it may actually start getting you down and ultimately exhausting you, because you're the one actually making most of the effort (all she does is come and dump her problems onto you).
If, however, you actually have a productive friendship, you enjoy your other conversations with her (of which there should be plenty) you probably shouldn't leave her behind, rather talk with her about the fact that you really can't give her any more advice on that matter and that you've done all that you can on your part. If she's a friend, a good one, she should understand and shouldn't be too defensive about it. Also, if her moral lowpoints do not affect you personally, don't take them as yours, don't let them get you down, because it really isn't that much your business.2
Most Helpful Girl
I wouldn't associate myself with someone who does something like that, especially when it's clearly a behavior that she repeats and refuses to change (the right thing she should do is break up with her partner, because he doesn't deserve this treatment). People are saying that you shouldn't break things off with her because she's never done anything to you *personally*. I think that's absolute bullshit. That's like being friends with a bully and justifying it by saying "well, they've never bullied ME..."
She has clearly shown that she's not a person worth trusting, she's selfish and only thinks of what's most comfortable for her. Those character traits can easily bleed into your friendship in many ways.
No, it's not your job to be her therapist. It's true that friends can help each other through bad times but this gal seems pretty messed up, to the point where she'd be better off talking to a professional. As of right now it seems like you're just a bucket that she can wring all her dirty water into, without taking your help or advice into consideration at all. People on here are telling you to help her, but it's pretty clear she doesn't even want your help. She just wants to vent to you to get it off her mind, probably because she knows that what she's doing is fucked up and if she kept all of this to herself, she would implode.
My advice is to tell her that you're not interested in this drama anymore since she won't even listen to what you have to say. Plus she's reminding you of something bad you've gone through yourself. Whether that will end your friendship or not I don't know, but a small improvement would be for her to realize that what she's doing is wrong, OR she'll stop using you as a bucket her for dirty water.5