I'm completely traumatized from the friend zone, so far for me it's been find a female friend, she's miserable and won't let me do anything about it but will dump it all on me, I stop talking to everyone for a long time, then start again, it started at 11 and I'm 34 and have had no life at all
I'm pretty sure it's more painful than being in a relationship I was going to try to go into more detail but even thinking about it is terrible and I'm currently in the alone phase so yeah
For a lot of guys, when they get hurt by getting rejected, they want revenge. As you said, if a woman rejects a guy friend and he drops her as a friend, it hurts her, and that's part of the reason why the guy does it, because it's a quick, simple form of revenge. Also, being around her might remind them too much of her rejecting them.
Thanks for your answer. Makes sense. But point is, revenge is a bad thing. In ANY case, that is what I believe at least. The girl is not trying to hurt the guy by rejecting him. He should understand and accept the FACT that she will NOT be interested/attracted to every guy in the world in a sexual/romantic way, and want to date them/have a relationship with them. He should know that that is not realistic and that should make him more understanding and accept that she is not trying to hurt him.
So, if she is NOT intending to hurt him, he shouldn't act like such an ass and "revenge" because then it's not really "revenge", it's him hurting her for no real reason at all. Because he got hurt because she wasn't interested in dating him and just wanted to be normal friends. He can't force her to date him if she doesn't want to. He just leaves her as a friend and never talks to her again, just ignores her and that hurts us girls because it hurts us when they just dump us out of their lives.
I think you really underestimate how much rejection hurts. I never said that girls wanna hurt guys when they reject them, but rejection hurts regardless, which I thought was common knowledge. Also, while it is true that the girl doesn't owe the guy romance, what's equally true is that they guy doesn't owe the girl friendship. You seem to feel entitled to friendship. Just like the guy can't force the girl to date him, the girl can't force the guy to hang out with her.
Rejection isn't fun. I agree. But I can handle it. I've been rejected by guys a bunch of times, and yes, it is not fun, but I am not that hurt and move on and get over it really quickly. I accept and understand the FACT that NOT every guy in the world will be into me in a romantic/sexual way. Not every guy in the world will be attracted/interested in me and dating me and wanting a relationship with me. But I understand some people have a harder time handling rejection than others.
I understand that it is harder for some people than others. I cannot handle rejection as in him leaving me as a friend completely. That hurts me so much! But if he says he doesn't want to date me, or be sexual with me, or have a relationship with me, that doesn't really hurt me that much, even if I am into him a lot. I just go and find another guy who IS into me, so I don't waste my time with the ones who aren't. I know you never said that girls wanna hurt guys.
I never said that you were saying that. Yes, it is common knowledge that rejection hurts, but for some people it hurts MORE than others. Yes, I think rejection hurts, but like I said, there are different kinds of rejection and not all of them hurt me that much. If a guy says he doesn't want to chat with me online tonight, I am not hurt at all. If he says he doesn't want to date me, I'm not hurt at all. If he says he no longer wants me in his life as a friend, I am hurt badly and my heart is hurt
Yes, true that the girl doesn't owe him romance. And you say that the guy doesn't owe her friendship. That's true, but what's also true is the fact that it is very shallow and hurtful in my opinion that the only reason he was "friends" with her in the first place and talking to her is because he felt that he could "get" her in the future and that she would automatically say "yes".
I feel it is hurtful that the only reason he became "friends" with her in the first place and started talking to her was only because he wanted something greater to happen with her in the future. That was his motive and his ONLY motive into buiding a "friendship" with her in the first place. If he didn't get what he wanted, which was something "more" later on, he's out and no longer gonna talk to her and stay "friends". I feel that is kinda using the girl and tricking her. Kind of hurtful.
As far as being entitled to friendship. No, I don't think I am.. like I understand and accept the fact that not everyone in the world will like me and want to talk to me and hang out with me and be friends with me. People have different chemistries and not everyone in the world is meant to be friends with each other so I don't feel that everyone should want to be my friend. Hence, I don't feel entitled to friendship. Yes, the guy can't force the girl to date him.
And I agree the girl can't force the guy to stay friends with her. I wasn't saying that she should. I was never talking about "force". Forcing people is really bad. As revenge is also very bad, in my opinion. It gets no where. But if a girl is friends with a guy and rejects his offer for more, she still cares for him as a friend, it only makes sense if he cares for her too in some level, that they still stay friends and at least talk sometimes. But sometimes it doesn't work that way.
Sometimes that doesn't happen and I understand and accept that. Basically what I am saying bottom line (and sorry my responses are so long in that I have to answer through multiple comments, but I just can't help that I have lots to say and talk a lot, lol), is that yes, I agree he doesn't owe her to stay friends, but that it just hurts when a guy leaves like that when he gets rejected from asking her for "more". They were already talking and hanging out and good friends before.
That all changes, and he leaves/no longer wants to stay friends with her as soon as he doesn't get what he wants which is more and that is hurtful. Because girls are social creatures. We like to talk/hang with everyone and once we have a built friendship with someone, it hurts when they just leave like that. I know you don't react this way and some guys do. Thanks for your input. I also know that SOME guys don't leave after being rejected and do stay friends with her and I appreciate those guys.
Well for me romantic rejection definately hurts more than friendship rejection. Friends are easy to make as oppose to finding a girlfriend/boyfriend. Plus guys make friends easier because the only requirements for guys becoming friends in that they get along and have a few things in common. Also pretty much all guys and even some girls view guys as better friends due to lack of drama. Maybe that's why females hate losing them.
While girls may not be trying to hurt guys when they hurt them, if they don't think it will hurt that's just ignorant. An example is if a pro sports team cuts a player from the team, they don't mean to hurt that player's feelings, but often times they do. If the player signs with another team and they play the team that cut him, nothing would be more satisfying than to have a huge game against the team that cut him.
But according to your logic, he shouldn't use that as motivation because the team didn't mean to hurt him when they cut him. If you told that to any sports fan they'd view that as pure nonsense (myself included). Rejecting someone is a tough decision, and potentially losing the friendship is part of what makes it tough.
Well, there are different kinds of rejection, like I mentioned earlier and people handle each of them differently and the level of being hurt is different for different people on each kind of rejection. Yeah, for me it’s the opposite of you.
Romantic rejection hurts me MUCH less than friendship rejection because like I said, my logic and philosophy in mind that HELPS me to get through the romantic rejection is that when I get rejected romantically, I get hurt a little but get over it and move on VERY quickly because I realize, accept, and understand that it is a fact that not every guy in the world is going to want to be with me romantically. It is just unrealistic for me to expect that every guy I meet will want to date me.
So I just think about the reality and the hard fact that not every guy in the world will want to date me and such. That helps me a LOT to not feel hurt when I get romantic rejection. Friendship rejection hurts me VERY badly because it’s like, they don’t even see anything good in me to still keep me as a friend/stay friends with me and talk and hang and such. There was nothing in my personality that they valued and wanted to stay friends with me and like me as a person.
I definitely get VERY hurt when they no longer want to talk to me anymore, cut me out of their lives, and not be friends with me anymore, all over because I rejected them romantically. True, I agree with you that friends are easier to make as oppose to finding a romantic partner, but thing is, like I said, it is the fact that already having that friendship developed and losing it all of a sudden after a romantic rejection, it just HURTS.
Girls and guys are wired differently, so that’s why we don’t feel the same way about this issue. You said: “Also pretty much all guys and even some girls view guys as better friends due to lack of drama.” I respectfully disagree with that statement and I’ll tell you why. I disagree with that and I view girls as better friends. I think girls make better friends than guys (NO offense); I just get along with them much better then with my guy friends. Personally, I don’t mind drama.
Drama is not a good thing, but it's not something I hate either, it is just a part of reality and life that I accept and understand that I carry as well as all my friends and other people and personally it doesn’t bother me when I hear other’s drama, especially my friends because those are the ones I care the most about. I am full of drama myself.
It is not something that I am proud of or anything but let’s just say that I have had guys think of me as like a “drama queen” and “get sick of all my drama” when in fact I don’t even mean to be putting drama on them. It is just easier for me to get along with my girl friends as opposed to my guy friends. I am much closer to my girl friends too and talk to them more often too, than with my guy friends. And I have more girl friends than guy friends.
I don’t have that many guy friends. Most of the guys I know are acquaintances, some are friends. A lot of the times what happens is that when I try to become friends with guys, after we have developed a good strong friendship after a while, they fall for me and want to date me and I tell them I don’t want to for whatever reason (usually it is because I believe it will ruin the friendship, but a lot of the times it is also because I am not interested in them romantically).
And then that is when they either leave me as a friend or stay in touch with me. A lot of my close girl friends and I talk to each other about drama in our lives and problems and we help each other and talk. We just talk all the time about issues like that. So, yeah, I am full of drama and I don’t mind it like guys do. So hence, why I feel girls make better friends is because they are more social/talk more and we don’t mind each other’s drama and hearing/helping each other with our problems.
My girl friends can handle my drama better than my guy friends and I can handle their drama too. It doesn’t annoy me at all. I love to help my friends with anything they need and always hear them out. Lol. I just get along better with girls and make friends with them easier and feel they make better friends, NO offense, but yeah, that was my point. No, females (well me personally) hate losing guy friends because to me, a friend is a friend, no matter what gender. It hurts losing friends.
To me it hurts more than losing a potential boyfriend. I don’t like to cut friends off and lose them unless for a good reason like if they did something very bad or disrespectful to me, and I get hurt if the guy friend just cuts me off for me rejecting him romantically. I treat all of my friends the same regardless of gender. Like I said before, I don’t support friends with benefits so the ONLY time I am sexual/romantic with a male is when I am dating him, or if he is my boyfriend/husband.
Otherwise, I am not sexual/romantic/physical/flirty with him at all. Basically, I appreciate and cherish the friendship I have already developed with the guy and find it special and I value the person/friend for who they are in their heart and what they offer the world and the good times we have with each other and when we enjoy each other’s company, make each other laugh, etc. It just hurts to go from friends to nothing in such a short amount of time.
If I considered them a good friend or close friend, the rejection hurts more than if it was just a casual friend. It’s hard to explain, but yeah, point is, for me romantic rejection hurts much less than friendship rejection. I understand and accept that you feel differently about it though. People are different and feel differently about different things and I understand that. Thanks for the example and I can see things from your point of view, but I still feel that revenge is bad.
I personally don’t like to be vengeful to people who hurt me, intentionally or not, but that’s just me. I like to be the bigger person and I feel revenge gets me no where good. I understand guys react differently and some do like to be vengeful because it makes them feel better or for whatever the reason. Thanks again for your answer. Sorry again that my responses are SUPER long, it’s just I have lots to say, LOL. Take care! :)
The revenge part is because it makes them feel better. In my experience, when someone is hurt, there's nothing they'd rather see than the person who hurt them feel their pain. So when a guy is rejected and feels hurt and he ends the friendship and the girl feels hurt, the guy sometimes feels better because now the girl feels his pain. Revenge, whether you agree with it or not, is reality. I agree that this world would be a better place without revenge, but it's still reality.
When you say you are hurt when you reject a guy and they drop you as a friend, that plays into why they do it, since you now feel the pain he felt when you rejected him. This is the easiest way of revenge, as all the guy does is quit talking to the girl. Some other things guys do as revenge to girls who reject them are flat out terrible and disguisting.
Yes, I am fully aware of why some people revenge. Hell, I’ve been vengeful myself before, but it didn’t do me any good in the end. It just got me into more trouble and created greater problems. Yes, I know that revenge makes the person feel better because the other person can feel their pain and it creates “fairness”. To give that person a little taste of their own medicine. Yes, I know. But you also have to understand that I believe that everyone is responsible for their own feelings/emotions.
Yes, someone else may have triggered them to feel hurt or offended, but ultimately it’s that person themselves that feel that way and they are in control of how they feel and if they want to change that feeling. I understand where you are coming from though. Thanks for your explanation. I understand what you mean by some guys not wanting to stay friends with her after romantic rejection because they want revenge.
I personally don’t think that’s a very nice thing to do, but then again, it’s their choice if they want to hurt the girl just because she rejected romance with him. And seeing her hurt makes him feel better. That’s just sad, in my opinion. It’s like, the girl did NOT intend to hurt him, and he knows that. Yet, he still wants revenge and to intentionally hurt her and see her in pain and that makes him happy and feel better. I just think it’s a bit messed up.
I would never revenge someone who didn’t mean to hurt me intentionally, especially if I knew they didn’t mean to hurt me intentionally and most guys know that girl don’t mean to hurt guys intentionally when rejecting them. Of course I agree with you that revenge is a part of reality. Yes, it exists. Is it good? Not really, in my opinion.
An example of this nonsense was when I was on vacation and talking to my best friend on the phone. It was a few days before his birthday and I told him I'd call him on his birthday. But since I was busy on his birthday I forgot to call him. When I told him sorry about that he said no worries. I was thinking that if we were 2 girls this would cause drama and maybe ruin our friendship.
I know that not everyone is the same/reacts the same when rejected and some people like to revenge, and I don’t. I know that I shouldn’t expect every guy to be like me and not be vengeful because people are different and react differently to different things and some enjoy revenge and I just have to accept/understand that, though I think it’s sad. Like me personally, say I ask out a guy that I am interested/attracted to in a romantic/sexual way. I want to date him/have a relationship with him.
This is just an example. In real life, I would never ask out a guy first or even approach a guy, because I’m old fashioned and believe it’s the guy’s job to ask a girl out first. But anyways, say I do that, after a while that we have developed a good, strong, healthy friendship together. And say he rejects me for whatever reason, doesn’t matter. Maybe the reason is unknown, but anyways, point is, he rejects me.
I won’t be that hurt at all, hardly that much. Maybe a little but will get over it real fast and move on. I would just go find another guy that IS into me romantically/sexually. I would understand/accept that it wasn’t meant with the guy friend that rejected me. I believe everything in the world happens for a reason. I would still be VERY happy that he wants to keep me in his life and keep talking to me and keep me as a friend and still values our friendship together and such.
I would NEVER want to revenge at him ever, especially since I care about him already as my friend. Revenge can be perceived as childish little games too. Yes, for him to want me to feel the pain that I caused him, I understand that’s revenge, and I believe that okay, if some guys do it for that reason, okay, but I think that’s bad. Yes, I agree that this is the easiest way of revenge, as all the guy does is quit talking to the girl.
Whenever I get rejected I feel down but don't have ill feelings toward the girl. I practice forgiveness, it's in the bible and it's the example set by Christ. Not that there's anything to forgive for romantic rejection, unless the rejection itself was rude.
Some other things guys do as revenge to girls who reject them romantically are I agree, flat out terrible and disgusting. As far as drama, yes it does exist in life. Girls are more emotional and dramatic than guys. That is just a known fact. Yes, I understand that guys feel female drama is unnecessary and nonsense, but to girls, it’s just a normal part of life that we deal with, and some girls don’t mind it, some hate it, and some don’t mind at all (including me).
Yes, I know guys don’t like to deal with drama, trust me, I have had guys feel that way about me and got sick of my drama and didn’t want to deal with me, when in fact I was not even intending to put drama on them and they knew that that wasn’t my intention when I told them that. Regardless of my intention, I know they still perceived it as drama in their eyes.
Point is, the reason I feel girls make better friends than guys is because we (at least my girl friends and I) can handle each other’s drama and problems much better than guys can handle my drama and problems. About your example, I see where you are coming from but let me tell you that I am a VERY understanding person and if the friend was a good friend of mine, I would have NO problem understanding that things happen and people forget sometimes and I would forgive her as simple as that.
It would definitely not ruin our friendship over something small like that. That’s pathetic! So, you’re wrong that if it were two girls that it would cause drama and ruin the friendship. Not all girls are the same, so maybe yes, maybe for some other girls it would cause drama, but for me personally and my friends, if that happened with me and a good female friend of mine trust me, it would NOT cause drama at all. Especially if she apologizes.
I would understand that were are human and not perfect and forget things from time to time and would totally forgive her for that and accept and appreciate her apology, knowing she wasn’t doing that intentionally by not keeping to her word.
I think that it’s great that whenever you get romantic rejection you feel down and hurt but don't have ill feelings toward the girl and want to cause her pain or revenge at her. I think it’s wonderful that you practice forgiveness, and I do too. Yes, I know it's in the bible and it's the example set by Christ. Yes, I agree that there is nothing to forgive for romantic rejection, unless the rejection itself was rude. Exactly, I agree with you on that.
Guys who complain about being in the friend zone complain about it because they really wanted to be more than friends originally but they didn’t build enough attraction up so they got stuck as friends, and now they’re bitter about it
I have a taste of been this so call friend with women. It not a great benefits for me since Women have asking me thousand of favors that only benefits them and yet I have no benefits from this friendship in the friendzone.
Because it gives women an opportunity to belittle, abuse the weak man that accepted to be in the friendzone. It's for their assurance just in case their guy doesn't give them the attention that these creatures desperately seek and need.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I only dislike the friendzone if I like the girl that puts me in it. A few girls have put me in the zone and well the friendship didn't last too much longer afterwards.
because i get and do almost everything the boyfriend does with out getting anything back end of story no man wants to be in the friend zone or as it is also known as led on
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
i dont. if i never marry i want women to see me only as friend cause i have a soul to take care of... .
Friends with benefits is a totally different story. They are not in a relationship yet still sexual with each other. I don't support that, but it's a free world and like I said, I respect people who chose friends with benefits. It's just something I would NEVER do.
BUT it still exists. therefore, girls and guys can't be "just friends". even all my girl "friends" have bf's. and the ones I do like, don't like me back. even though I have a girlfriend myself.
Yes, friends with benefits still exists. Very true. I respectfully disagree. I think girls and guys can be "just friends". I believe that yes, a single guy and a single girl can be non-romantic/sexual totally platonic friends and talk regularily and hang out. I have had male friends before where they were single and I was single and we were NEVER romantic or sexual with each other and we did talk regularily and hang out. I never flirted witht them. We never were romantic/sexual with each other. It is possible.
Point is one of the two will always have feelings for the other, whether its the guy or the girl. which means emotion is involved. you can't be a friend with the opposite sex, logically. besides. one of my girl "friends" I hardly ever see anymore, I wouldn't consider her a "friend" id just consider her an acquaintance which is really what guys have a hard time doing, so that they avoid the friend zone :P.
I see your point/understand where you are coming from. But I still believe that it's possible that if both of them are NOT attracted/interested in each other in a sexual/romantic way, that it's possible to be regular friends with NO emotion involved. I have had guy friends where I was single and so was he but we didn't feel that way towards each other so therefore we were just regular friends hanging out and talking regularily. But if one has feelings for the other, yes, I agree it can be hard.
Remember, he could have been lying about not having feelings for you, something I do all the time, because I feel the girl should say it first. but..thats a different story :P
Yes, I agree. VERY true. The guy could be lying. Only he knows how he feels about me deep inside. I wouldn't know unless he tells me the TRUTH or if I could just magically read his heart or mind, lol, which is not possible unfortunately. Lol, anywho, yes, I agree he could be lying about not having feelings for me. I have had guy friends flirt with me before and when I asked them if they liked me as more than a friend, they denied it. They said they didn't. I think they were lying, but maybe not.
Oh lol, that?s where we differ. I feel the opposite of you. I feel it?s the man?s job to say it first, that they have feelings for me, not me saying it first. I definitely feel the man should say it first, but yeah, that?s where we differ but I respect that you feel differently that I do about that and yeah, I agree that?s a different story. :)
dont know if your a metal fan or not but..this reminded me of a song I like called "self revolution" by killswitch engage. listen to the chorus and I think ull understand why
the song is basically saying, if you want to make a change in the world, it starts with YOU
No, I don?t listen to metal (and don?t like it, no offense not my type of music). But thanks for sharing with me that song. I looked up the lyrics on Google, lol. And I see what you mean. Yes, I agree if you want to make a change in the world, that it all starts with the person taking action and doing something about it. But yeah, I see what you are saying..
Lol, dude, I know what you mean. I understood your point. But like I said, I respectfully disagree with you. I accept that we see things differently and I just hope you can accept that we see things differently too. There is no known "fact", because like I said, I have experienced for myself, having male friends that were "just friends'", nothing more. Trust me, I'm not lying!
Like I said, I have had male friends before where I was single and so was he, and we NEVER were flirty with each other, NEVER did anything sexual/physical/romantic with each other, NEVER dated each other, NEVER shared "deep feelings" for each other because we didn't like each other in that way, we were totally 100% platonic. I guess it's rare, but these friendships between opposite sexes is possible and can happen, but rare. I have experienced it for myself.
And yes, both him and I would hang out one-on-one with each other regularily and talk reguarily too... this friendship worked and we were friends for a long time (not anymore, but that's a different story), but the reason this worked and like I said, these kinds of friendships are rare, is because we both were not attracted/interested in each other in a romantic/sexual way. That's why we could be totally platonic.
Ever thought maybe you and him aren't friends anymore because he really did like you. and couldn't bare to see you anymore without having a relationship. also, my last ex, I just found out, is antisemite, me being jewish. I ended it immediately, and am now no longer friends with her, guys and girls can't be "just friends" this proves it
Lol, honestly? Nope, never crossed my mind. Our friendship eneded for a totally unrelated reason that I don't want to get into. That's another story. But yeah, he told me he never felt that way about me (and I know he wasn't lying, because I just know him) and I never felt that way about him either. But yeah, we were totally platonic friends. I respect that you think it's not possible for males and females to be "just friends". I respectfuly disagree. Him and I had a good platonic friendship.
I liked him in a brotherly way. He liked me like a sister. We were close friends. We helped each other with things. He watched me date other guys all the time, and I watched him date other girls all the time. And we wouldn't get jealous or anything. I was off dating other guys and he was off dating other girls, yet we were still good friends. I treated him no different from how I treat my female friends and he treated me no different from how he treats his male friends.
And as for your ex, I'm very sorry about that. That really sucks! :( I hate racist and biased people. I'm sorry you had to go through that with her. I think you did a great thing by ending it immediately with her once you found out! You don't deserve someone like that. I think it was for the best not remaining friends with her. But I'm sure if your guy buddy was antisemite too, you would break the friendship, am I right?
You see, for me, I am romantic/sexual/flirty/physical with guys ONLY when dating them and when they are my boyfriend/husband, but I am also able to be "just normal non-sexual/physical friends" with them too if it doesn't work out or just even if I never dated them. Let me ask you, why is it so hard for YOU to just build a normal non-sexual/romanitc friendship with females? You do with males.. that's how you have your male friends. Or is it because you just don't want to?
Bottom line is, you're probably right. It is probably hard for most girls and guys to be "just friends" with each other without anything else happening... but for me it's not hard. I can very well be normal friends with guys and am always looking to build friendships with anyone regardless of race, gender, age, religion, etc...I see the person as a human being and a special soul and if I see worthy of a friendship, I go for it. If it's a guy I'm not interested in romantically, I stay friends.
Because well ud get guys like me, who happen to be flirts, where no matter if the guy is friends with you or not he's still gonna flirt with you, not flirting with a girl, is like talking to your guy friend, only with boobs and a vag. its JUST weird lol. I am right, guys and girls can't be "just" friends, so why complain about losing guys "friends" and I think that guy left because he really did like you. my current gf's last best guy friend, I found out had a thing for her and she immediately
Stopped being friends with him, its hard to explain, although I have already tried, when you're friends with the opposite sex, there's no way feelings aren't gonna develop, whether they tell you or not, I dk, but..it took me being her boyfriend in order for him to tell her, he had feelings for her, maybe that guy just never knew the right time to tell you, REGARDLESS of how you felt. and thanks about the last ex thing, I took it pretty hard, I thought I liked her, but.....things happen
Yes, I see what you are saying. Some guys like you just can?t help it but flirt with girls, no matter what. But not all guys are like you. I have had many guys talk to me/start a conversation with me, but never flirted. But yeah, it?s happened to me. I think you are right, that guys and girls can?t be ?just? friends, and I personally think that?s sad.
I mean, I personally am able to be ?just? friends with guys, like I said before, but the other way around, I am pretty sure that guys will not be able to be ?just? friends with me. I agree it doesn?t work that way and it?s hard for guys. But I think it?s kind of sad that guys and girls can?t be ?just? friends with each other, to hang out one-on-one both are single and straight, and to talk regularly and hang out regularly.
Even if it was like that, how much do you think he'd be staring at your boobs. LOL. face it. guys ARE visual and I don't think girls understand that, since girls are audibly stimulated (they are turned on by the things we say)
It's not possible, but I wish it were. I feel the need to date men and be romantic/sexual with those men, but also the need to have male friends too just like I have female friends. I don?t know, I just think it's sad how it's not possible. :( I guess all my male friends are not really friends, if you know what I mean.
I feel that we as humans should be able to control ourselves and be ?just? friends with the opposite sex, but it's not possible, unfortunately it seems like the hormones get to most guys and girls and allows them to not be able to be ?just? friends, but like I said, for me it's different. Lol, trust me, I can be normal friends with a guy and never be sexual/romantic/flirty with him, but he can't be normal friends with me and treat me no different from how he treats his male friends.
As far as why I complain about losing guys friends? Well, because I care about all my friends equally and it always hurts to lose a friend regardless of gender, because I valued and appreciated that friendship, you know? But here?s the thing, I don?t want guys to fall for me if I am not dating them and am just normal friends with them because it will ruin the whole friendship and make things complicated/mess things up.
I just want guys to be into me only if I am dating them but I know that it doesn?t work that way unfortunately. Wow, I can?t believe that about your current girlfriend?s best guy friend. Wow that?s crazy, that?s all I can say, LOL. I guess a guy only sticks around with a girl as her ?friend? only if he has a thing for her deep inside, lol. And yeah, that was hard and unfortunate about your last ex. You deserve much better than that. But as you said yourself, things happen.
HAHAHA LOL. You're right... how much he'd be staring at my boobs... you're so funny.. but no it's true. No I understand guys are visual creatures. Exactly, girls are turned on by things you say and when you compliment us and such. Girls and guys are totally different creaturs that's for sure, loool.
Thanks for all your time and help. You really helped me understand a lot about guys I didn't know and I learned a lot from you. :) Thanks so much! But I agree, and see what you are saying that guys are probably just pretending. I understand that they don't like it and will pretend.. anyways, take care!
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
35Opinion
I'm completely traumatized from the friend zone, so far for me it's been find a female friend, she's miserable and won't let me do anything about it but will dump it all on me, I stop talking to everyone for a long time, then start again, it started at 11 and I'm 34 and have had no life at all
I'm pretty sure it's more painful than being in a relationship I was going to try to go into more detail but even thinking about it is terrible and I'm currently in the alone phase so yeah
Guys don't like being in the friend zone is they want to be lovers, not friends. Simple answer, I hope.
For a lot of guys, when they get hurt by getting rejected, they want revenge. As you said, if a woman rejects a guy friend and he drops her as a friend, it hurts her, and that's part of the reason why the guy does it, because it's a quick, simple form of revenge. Also, being around her might remind them too much of her rejecting them.
Thanks for your answer. Makes sense. But point is, revenge is a bad thing. In ANY case, that is what I believe at least. The girl is not trying to hurt the guy by rejecting him. He should understand and accept the FACT that she will NOT be interested/attracted to every guy in the world in a sexual/romantic way, and want to date them/have a relationship with them. He should know that that is not realistic and that should make him more understanding and accept that she is not trying to hurt him.
So, if she is NOT intending to hurt him, he shouldn't act like such an ass and "revenge" because then it's not really "revenge", it's him hurting her for no real reason at all. Because he got hurt because she wasn't interested in dating him and just wanted to be normal friends. He can't force her to date him if she doesn't want to. He just leaves her as a friend and never talks to her again, just ignores her and that hurts us girls because it hurts us when they just dump us out of their lives.
I think you really underestimate how much rejection hurts. I never said that girls wanna hurt guys when they reject them, but rejection hurts regardless, which I thought was common knowledge. Also, while it is true that the girl doesn't owe the guy romance, what's equally true is that they guy doesn't owe the girl friendship. You seem to feel entitled to friendship. Just like the guy can't force the girl to date him, the girl can't force the guy to hang out with her.
I'm not saying I react this way when rejected, just why some guys do.
Rejection isn't fun. I agree. But I can handle it. I've been rejected by guys a bunch of times, and yes, it is not fun, but I am not that hurt and move on and get over it really quickly. I accept and understand the FACT that NOT every guy in the world will be into me in a romantic/sexual way. Not every guy in the world will be attracted/interested in me and dating me and wanting a relationship with me. But I understand some people have a harder time handling rejection than others.
I understand that it is harder for some people than others. I cannot handle rejection as in him leaving me as a friend completely. That hurts me so much! But if he says he doesn't want to date me, or be sexual with me, or have a relationship with me, that doesn't really hurt me that much, even if I am into him a lot. I just go and find another guy who IS into me, so I don't waste my time with the ones who aren't. I know you never said that girls wanna hurt guys.
I never said that you were saying that. Yes, it is common knowledge that rejection hurts, but for some people it hurts MORE than others. Yes, I think rejection hurts, but like I said, there are different kinds of rejection and not all of them hurt me that much. If a guy says he doesn't want to chat with me online tonight, I am not hurt at all. If he says he doesn't want to date me, I'm not hurt at all. If he says he no longer wants me in his life as a friend, I am hurt badly and my heart is hurt
Yes, true that the girl doesn't owe him romance. And you say that the guy doesn't owe her friendship. That's true, but what's also true is the fact that it is very shallow and hurtful in my opinion that the only reason he was "friends" with her in the first place and talking to her is because he felt that he could "get" her in the future and that she would automatically say "yes".
I feel it is hurtful that the only reason he became "friends" with her in the first place and started talking to her was only because he wanted something greater to happen with her in the future. That was his motive and his ONLY motive into buiding a "friendship" with her in the first place. If he didn't get what he wanted, which was something "more" later on, he's out and no longer gonna talk to her and stay "friends". I feel that is kinda using the girl and tricking her. Kind of hurtful.
As far as being entitled to friendship. No, I don't think I am.. like I understand and accept the fact that not everyone in the world will like me and want to talk to me and hang out with me and be friends with me. People have different chemistries and not everyone in the world is meant to be friends with each other so I don't feel that everyone should want to be my friend. Hence, I don't feel entitled to friendship. Yes, the guy can't force the girl to date him.
And I agree the girl can't force the guy to stay friends with her. I wasn't saying that she should. I was never talking about "force". Forcing people is really bad. As revenge is also very bad, in my opinion. It gets no where. But if a girl is friends with a guy and rejects his offer for more, she still cares for him as a friend, it only makes sense if he cares for her too in some level, that they still stay friends and at least talk sometimes. But sometimes it doesn't work that way.
Sometimes that doesn't happen and I understand and accept that. Basically what I am saying bottom line (and sorry my responses are so long in that I have to answer through multiple comments, but I just can't help that I have lots to say and talk a lot, lol), is that yes, I agree he doesn't owe her to stay friends, but that it just hurts when a guy leaves like that when he gets rejected from asking her for "more". They were already talking and hanging out and good friends before.
That all changes, and he leaves/no longer wants to stay friends with her as soon as he doesn't get what he wants which is more and that is hurtful. Because girls are social creatures. We like to talk/hang with everyone and once we have a built friendship with someone, it hurts when they just leave like that. I know you don't react this way and some guys do. Thanks for your input. I also know that SOME guys don't leave after being rejected and do stay friends with her and I appreciate those guys.
Well for me romantic rejection definately hurts more than friendship rejection. Friends are easy to make as oppose to finding a girlfriend/boyfriend. Plus guys make friends easier because the only requirements for guys becoming friends in that they get along and have a few things in common. Also pretty much all guys and even some girls view guys as better friends due to lack of drama. Maybe that's why females hate losing them.
While girls may not be trying to hurt guys when they hurt them, if they don't think it will hurt that's just ignorant. An example is if a pro sports team cuts a player from the team, they don't mean to hurt that player's feelings, but often times they do. If the player signs with another team and they play the team that cut him, nothing would be more satisfying than to have a huge game against the team that cut him.
But according to your logic, he shouldn't use that as motivation because the team didn't mean to hurt him when they cut him. If you told that to any sports fan they'd view that as pure nonsense (myself included). Rejecting someone is a tough decision, and potentially losing the friendship is part of what makes it tough.
Well, there are different kinds of rejection, like I mentioned earlier and people handle each of them differently and the level of being hurt is different for different people on each kind of rejection. Yeah, for me it’s the opposite of you.
Romantic rejection hurts me MUCH less than friendship rejection because like I said, my logic and philosophy in mind that HELPS me to get through the romantic rejection is that when I get rejected romantically, I get hurt a little but get over it and move on VERY quickly because I realize, accept, and understand that it is a fact that not every guy in the world is going to want to be with me romantically. It is just unrealistic for me to expect that every guy I meet will want to date me.
So I just think about the reality and the hard fact that not every guy in the world will want to date me and such. That helps me a LOT to not feel hurt when I get romantic rejection. Friendship rejection hurts me VERY badly because it’s like, they don’t even see anything good in me to still keep me as a friend/stay friends with me and talk and hang and such. There was nothing in my personality that they valued and wanted to stay friends with me and like me as a person.
I definitely get VERY hurt when they no longer want to talk to me anymore, cut me out of their lives, and not be friends with me anymore, all over because I rejected them romantically. True, I agree with you that friends are easier to make as oppose to finding a romantic partner, but thing is, like I said, it is the fact that already having that friendship developed and losing it all of a sudden after a romantic rejection, it just HURTS.
Girls and guys are wired differently, so that’s why we don’t feel the same way about this issue. You said: “Also pretty much all guys and even some girls view guys as better friends due to lack of drama.” I respectfully disagree with that statement and I’ll tell you why. I disagree with that and I view girls as better friends. I think girls make better friends than guys (NO offense); I just get along with them much better then with my guy friends. Personally, I don’t mind drama.
Drama is not a good thing, but it's not something I hate either, it is just a part of reality and life that I accept and understand that I carry as well as all my friends and other people and personally it doesn’t bother me when I hear other’s drama, especially my friends because those are the ones I care the most about. I am full of drama myself.
It is not something that I am proud of or anything but let’s just say that I have had guys think of me as like a “drama queen” and “get sick of all my drama” when in fact I don’t even mean to be putting drama on them. It is just easier for me to get along with my girl friends as opposed to my guy friends. I am much closer to my girl friends too and talk to them more often too, than with my guy friends. And I have more girl friends than guy friends.
I don’t have that many guy friends. Most of the guys I know are acquaintances, some are friends. A lot of the times what happens is that when I try to become friends with guys, after we have developed a good strong friendship after a while, they fall for me and want to date me and I tell them I don’t want to for whatever reason (usually it is because I believe it will ruin the friendship, but a lot of the times it is also because I am not interested in them romantically).
And then that is when they either leave me as a friend or stay in touch with me. A lot of my close girl friends and I talk to each other about drama in our lives and problems and we help each other and talk. We just talk all the time about issues like that. So, yeah, I am full of drama and I don’t mind it like guys do. So hence, why I feel girls make better friends is because they are more social/talk more and we don’t mind each other’s drama and hearing/helping each other with our problems.
My girl friends can handle my drama better than my guy friends and I can handle their drama too. It doesn’t annoy me at all. I love to help my friends with anything they need and always hear them out. Lol. I just get along better with girls and make friends with them easier and feel they make better friends, NO offense, but yeah, that was my point. No, females (well me personally) hate losing guy friends because to me, a friend is a friend, no matter what gender. It hurts losing friends.
To me it hurts more than losing a potential boyfriend. I don’t like to cut friends off and lose them unless for a good reason like if they did something very bad or disrespectful to me, and I get hurt if the guy friend just cuts me off for me rejecting him romantically. I treat all of my friends the same regardless of gender. Like I said before, I don’t support friends with benefits so the ONLY time I am sexual/romantic with a male is when I am dating him, or if he is my boyfriend/husband.
Otherwise, I am not sexual/romantic/physical/flirty with him at all. Basically, I appreciate and cherish the friendship I have already developed with the guy and find it special and I value the person/friend for who they are in their heart and what they offer the world and the good times we have with each other and when we enjoy each other’s company, make each other laugh, etc. It just hurts to go from friends to nothing in such a short amount of time.
If I considered them a good friend or close friend, the rejection hurts more than if it was just a casual friend. It’s hard to explain, but yeah, point is, for me romantic rejection hurts much less than friendship rejection. I understand and accept that you feel differently about it though. People are different and feel differently about different things and I understand that. Thanks for the example and I can see things from your point of view, but I still feel that revenge is bad.
I personally don’t like to be vengeful to people who hurt me, intentionally or not, but that’s just me. I like to be the bigger person and I feel revenge gets me no where good. I understand guys react differently and some do like to be vengeful because it makes them feel better or for whatever the reason. Thanks again for your answer. Sorry again that my responses are SUPER long, it’s just I have lots to say, LOL. Take care! :)
The revenge part is because it makes them feel better. In my experience, when someone is hurt, there's nothing they'd rather see than the person who hurt them feel their pain. So when a guy is rejected and feels hurt and he ends the friendship and the girl feels hurt, the guy sometimes feels better because now the girl feels his pain. Revenge, whether you agree with it or not, is reality. I agree that this world would be a better place without revenge, but it's still reality.
When you say you are hurt when you reject a guy and they drop you as a friend, that plays into why they do it, since you now feel the pain he felt when you rejected him. This is the easiest way of revenge, as all the guy does is quit talking to the girl. Some other things guys do as revenge to girls who reject them are flat out terrible and disguisting.
Yes, I am fully aware of why some people revenge. Hell, I’ve been vengeful myself before, but it didn’t do me any good in the end. It just got me into more trouble and created greater problems. Yes, I know that revenge makes the person feel better because the other person can feel their pain and it creates “fairness”. To give that person a little taste of their own medicine. Yes, I know. But you also have to understand that I believe that everyone is responsible for their own feelings/emotions.
Yes, someone else may have triggered them to feel hurt or offended, but ultimately it’s that person themselves that feel that way and they are in control of how they feel and if they want to change that feeling. I understand where you are coming from though. Thanks for your explanation. I understand what you mean by some guys not wanting to stay friends with her after romantic rejection because they want revenge.
I personally don’t think that’s a very nice thing to do, but then again, it’s their choice if they want to hurt the girl just because she rejected romance with him. And seeing her hurt makes him feel better. That’s just sad, in my opinion. It’s like, the girl did NOT intend to hurt him, and he knows that. Yet, he still wants revenge and to intentionally hurt her and see her in pain and that makes him happy and feel better. I just think it’s a bit messed up.
I would never revenge someone who didn’t mean to hurt me intentionally, especially if I knew they didn’t mean to hurt me intentionally and most guys know that girl don’t mean to hurt guys intentionally when rejecting them. Of course I agree with you that revenge is a part of reality. Yes, it exists. Is it good? Not really, in my opinion.
Drama does exist in life, but a lot of female drama is unnecessary and nonsense. Myself, like a lot of guys, refuse to put up with that nonsense.
An example of this nonsense was when I was on vacation and talking to my best friend on the phone. It was a few days before his birthday and I told him I'd call him on his birthday. But since I was busy on his birthday I forgot to call him. When I told him sorry about that he said no worries. I was thinking that if we were 2 girls this would cause drama and maybe ruin our friendship.
I know that not everyone is the same/reacts the same when rejected and some people like to revenge, and I don’t. I know that I shouldn’t expect every guy to be like me and not be vengeful because people are different and react differently to different things and some enjoy revenge and I just have to accept/understand that, though I think it’s sad. Like me personally, say I ask out a guy that I am interested/attracted to in a romantic/sexual way. I want to date him/have a relationship with him.
This is just an example. In real life, I would never ask out a guy first or even approach a guy, because I’m old fashioned and believe it’s the guy’s job to ask a girl out first. But anyways, say I do that, after a while that we have developed a good, strong, healthy friendship together. And say he rejects me for whatever reason, doesn’t matter. Maybe the reason is unknown, but anyways, point is, he rejects me.
I won’t be that hurt at all, hardly that much. Maybe a little but will get over it real fast and move on. I would just go find another guy that IS into me romantically/sexually. I would understand/accept that it wasn’t meant with the guy friend that rejected me. I believe everything in the world happens for a reason. I would still be VERY happy that he wants to keep me in his life and keep talking to me and keep me as a friend and still values our friendship together and such.
I would NEVER want to revenge at him ever, especially since I care about him already as my friend. Revenge can be perceived as childish little games too. Yes, for him to want me to feel the pain that I caused him, I understand that’s revenge, and I believe that okay, if some guys do it for that reason, okay, but I think that’s bad. Yes, I agree that this is the easiest way of revenge, as all the guy does is quit talking to the girl.
Whenever I get rejected I feel down but don't have ill feelings toward the girl. I practice forgiveness, it's in the bible and it's the example set by Christ. Not that there's anything to forgive for romantic rejection, unless the rejection itself was rude.
Some other things guys do as revenge to girls who reject them romantically are I agree, flat out terrible and disgusting. As far as drama, yes it does exist in life. Girls are more emotional and dramatic than guys. That is just a known fact. Yes, I understand that guys feel female drama is unnecessary and nonsense, but to girls, it’s just a normal part of life that we deal with, and some girls don’t mind it, some hate it, and some don’t mind at all (including me).
Yes, I know guys don’t like to deal with drama, trust me, I have had guys feel that way about me and got sick of my drama and didn’t want to deal with me, when in fact I was not even intending to put drama on them and they knew that that wasn’t my intention when I told them that. Regardless of my intention, I know they still perceived it as drama in their eyes.
Point is, the reason I feel girls make better friends than guys is because we (at least my girl friends and I) can handle each other’s drama and problems much better than guys can handle my drama and problems. About your example, I see where you are coming from but let me tell you that I am a VERY understanding person and if the friend was a good friend of mine, I would have NO problem understanding that things happen and people forget sometimes and I would forgive her as simple as that.
It would definitely not ruin our friendship over something small like that. That’s pathetic! So, you’re wrong that if it were two girls that it would cause drama and ruin the friendship. Not all girls are the same, so maybe yes, maybe for some other girls it would cause drama, but for me personally and my friends, if that happened with me and a good female friend of mine trust me, it would NOT cause drama at all. Especially if she apologizes.
I would understand that were are human and not perfect and forget things from time to time and would totally forgive her for that and accept and appreciate her apology, knowing she wasn’t doing that intentionally by not keeping to her word.
I think that it’s great that whenever you get romantic rejection you feel down and hurt but don't have ill feelings toward the girl and want to cause her pain or revenge at her. I think it’s wonderful that you practice forgiveness, and I do too. Yes, I know it's in the bible and it's the example set by Christ. Yes, I agree that there is nothing to forgive for romantic rejection, unless the rejection itself was rude. Exactly, I agree with you on that.
Guys who complain about being in the friend zone complain about it because they really wanted to be more than friends originally but they didn’t build enough attraction up so they got stuck as friends, and now they’re bitter about it
I have a taste of been this so call friend with women. It not a great benefits for me since Women have asking me thousand of favors that only benefits them and yet I have no benefits from this friendship in the friendzone.
Babe do you realize, I do whatever you want. But you?🤔
Because it gives women an opportunity to belittle, abuse the weak man that accepted to be in the friendzone. It's for their assurance just in case their guy doesn't give them the attention that these creatures desperately seek and need.
I only dislike the friendzone if I like the girl that puts me in it. A few girls have put me in the zone and well the friendship didn't last too much longer afterwards.
because i get and do almost everything the boyfriend does with out getting anything back end of story no man wants to be in the friend zone or as it is also known as led on
i dont. if i never marry i want women to see me only as friend cause i have a soul to take care of... .
This is a new concept to me like it's a kid thing.
Girls aren't meant to be friends with guys.
There's no such thing as the friend zone.
Yes, there is. But I'm not surprised that somebody who benefits 100% from the arrangement denies its existence!
self-entitled losers...
now explain, fwb? hahahahhahahahah
Friends with benefits is a totally different story. They are not in a relationship yet still sexual with each other. I don't support that, but it's a free world and like I said, I respect people who chose friends with benefits. It's just something I would NEVER do.
BUT it still exists. therefore, girls and guys can't be "just friends". even all my girl "friends" have bf's. and the ones I do like, don't like me back. even though I have a girlfriend myself.
Yes, friends with benefits still exists. Very true. I respectfully disagree. I think girls and guys can be "just friends". I believe that yes, a single guy and a single girl can be non-romantic/sexual totally platonic friends and talk regularily and hang out. I have had male friends before where they were single and I was single and we were NEVER romantic or sexual with each other and we did talk regularily and hang out. I never flirted witht them. We never were romantic/sexual with each other. It is possible.
Point is one of the two will always have feelings for the other, whether its the guy or the girl. which means emotion is involved. you can't be a friend with the opposite sex, logically. besides. one of my girl "friends" I hardly ever see anymore, I wouldn't consider her a "friend" id just consider her an acquaintance which is really what guys have a hard time doing, so that they avoid the friend zone :P.
I see your point/understand where you are coming from. But I still believe that it's possible that if both of them are NOT attracted/interested in each other in a sexual/romantic way, that it's possible to be regular friends with NO emotion involved. I have had guy friends where I was single and so was he but we didn't feel that way towards each other so therefore we were just regular friends hanging out and talking regularily. But if one has feelings for the other, yes, I agree it can be hard.
Remember, he could have been lying about not having feelings for you, something I do all the time, because I feel the girl should say it first. but..thats a different story :P
Yes, I agree. VERY true. The guy could be lying. Only he knows how he feels about me deep inside. I wouldn't know unless he tells me the TRUTH or if I could just magically read his heart or mind, lol, which is not possible unfortunately. Lol, anywho, yes, I agree he could be lying about not having feelings for me. I have had guy friends flirt with me before and when I asked them if they liked me as more than a friend, they denied it. They said they didn't. I think they were lying, but maybe not.
Oh lol, that?s where we differ. I feel the opposite of you. I feel it?s the man?s job to say it first, that they have feelings for me, not me saying it first. I definitely feel the man should say it first, but yeah, that?s where we differ but I respect that you feel differently that I do about that and yeah, I agree that?s a different story. :)
I don't know why all my apostrophes turned into questions marks above, LOL weird..
"Only he knows how he feels about me deep inside"
dont know if your a metal fan or not but..this reminded me of a song I like called "self revolution" by killswitch engage. listen to the chorus and I think ull understand why
the song is basically saying, if you want to make a change in the world, it starts with YOU
No, I don?t listen to metal (and don?t like it, no offense not my type of music). But thanks for sharing with me that song. I looked up the lyrics on Google, lol. And I see what you mean. Yes, I agree if you want to make a change in the world, that it all starts with the person taking action and doing something about it. But yeah, I see what you are saying..
Ur probably not listening to the right metal then. id have to get you started on some good ones. :D
Hahahahaha, LOL, yeah you're probably right. :-)
So my ultimate point is you can't be "just friends". even ex's. it just doesn't work. trust me
Lol, dude, I know what you mean. I understood your point. But like I said, I respectfully disagree with you. I accept that we see things differently and I just hope you can accept that we see things differently too. There is no known "fact", because like I said, I have experienced for myself, having male friends that were "just friends'", nothing more. Trust me, I'm not lying!
Like I said, I have had male friends before where I was single and so was he, and we NEVER were flirty with each other, NEVER did anything sexual/physical/romantic with each other, NEVER dated each other, NEVER shared "deep feelings" for each other because we didn't like each other in that way, we were totally 100% platonic. I guess it's rare, but these friendships between opposite sexes is possible and can happen, but rare. I have experienced it for myself.
And yes, both him and I would hang out one-on-one with each other regularily and talk reguarily too... this friendship worked and we were friends for a long time (not anymore, but that's a different story), but the reason this worked and like I said, these kinds of friendships are rare, is because we both were not attracted/interested in each other in a romantic/sexual way. That's why we could be totally platonic.
Ever thought maybe you and him aren't friends anymore because he really did like you. and couldn't bare to see you anymore without having a relationship. also, my last ex, I just found out, is antisemite, me being jewish. I ended it immediately, and am now no longer friends with her, guys and girls can't be "just friends" this proves it
Lol, honestly? Nope, never crossed my mind. Our friendship eneded for a totally unrelated reason that I don't want to get into. That's another story. But yeah, he told me he never felt that way about me (and I know he wasn't lying, because I just know him) and I never felt that way about him either. But yeah, we were totally platonic friends. I respect that you think it's not possible for males and females to be "just friends". I respectfuly disagree. Him and I had a good platonic friendship.
I liked him in a brotherly way. He liked me like a sister. We were close friends. We helped each other with things. He watched me date other guys all the time, and I watched him date other girls all the time. And we wouldn't get jealous or anything. I was off dating other guys and he was off dating other girls, yet we were still good friends. I treated him no different from how I treat my female friends and he treated me no different from how he treats his male friends.
And as for your ex, I'm very sorry about that. That really sucks! :( I hate racist and biased people. I'm sorry you had to go through that with her. I think you did a great thing by ending it immediately with her once you found out! You don't deserve someone like that. I think it was for the best not remaining friends with her. But I'm sure if your guy buddy was antisemite too, you would break the friendship, am I right?
You see, for me, I am romantic/sexual/flirty/physical with guys ONLY when dating them and when they are my boyfriend/husband, but I am also able to be "just normal non-sexual/physical friends" with them too if it doesn't work out or just even if I never dated them. Let me ask you, why is it so hard for YOU to just build a normal non-sexual/romanitc friendship with females? You do with males.. that's how you have your male friends. Or is it because you just don't want to?
Bottom line is, you're probably right. It is probably hard for most girls and guys to be "just friends" with each other without anything else happening... but for me it's not hard. I can very well be normal friends with guys and am always looking to build friendships with anyone regardless of race, gender, age, religion, etc...I see the person as a human being and a special soul and if I see worthy of a friendship, I go for it. If it's a guy I'm not interested in romantically, I stay friends.
Because well ud get guys like me, who happen to be flirts, where no matter if the guy is friends with you or not he's still gonna flirt with you, not flirting with a girl, is like talking to your guy friend, only with boobs and a vag. its JUST weird lol. I am right, guys and girls can't be "just" friends, so why complain about losing guys "friends" and I think that guy left because he really did like you. my current gf's last best guy friend, I found out had a thing for her and she immediately
Stopped being friends with him, its hard to explain, although I have already tried, when you're friends with the opposite sex, there's no way feelings aren't gonna develop, whether they tell you or not, I dk, but..it took me being her boyfriend in order for him to tell her, he had feelings for her, maybe that guy just never knew the right time to tell you, REGARDLESS of how you felt. and thanks about the last ex thing, I took it pretty hard, I thought I liked her, but.....things happen
Yes, I see what you are saying. Some guys like you just can?t help it but flirt with girls, no matter what. But not all guys are like you. I have had many guys talk to me/start a conversation with me, but never flirted. But yeah, it?s happened to me. I think you are right, that guys and girls can?t be ?just? friends, and I personally think that?s sad.
I mean, I personally am able to be ?just? friends with guys, like I said before, but the other way around, I am pretty sure that guys will not be able to be ?just? friends with me. I agree it doesn?t work that way and it?s hard for guys. But I think it?s kind of sad that guys and girls can?t be ?just? friends with each other, to hang out one-on-one both are single and straight, and to talk regularly and hang out regularly.
Even if it was like that, how much do you think he'd be staring at your boobs. LOL. face it. guys ARE visual and I don't think girls understand that, since girls are audibly stimulated (they are turned on by the things we say)
It's not possible, but I wish it were. I feel the need to date men and be romantic/sexual with those men, but also the need to have male friends too just like I have female friends. I don?t know, I just think it's sad how it's not possible. :( I guess all my male friends are not really friends, if you know what I mean.
I feel that we as humans should be able to control ourselves and be ?just? friends with the opposite sex, but it's not possible, unfortunately it seems like the hormones get to most guys and girls and allows them to not be able to be ?just? friends, but like I said, for me it's different. Lol, trust me, I can be normal friends with a guy and never be sexual/romantic/flirty with him, but he can't be normal friends with me and treat me no different from how he treats his male friends.
Even if they are friends, theyre probably just pretending. guys HATE HATE HATE the friend zone, so while it may be devious, guys CAN and WILL pretend
As far as why I complain about losing guys friends? Well, because I care about all my friends equally and it always hurts to lose a friend regardless of gender, because I valued and appreciated that friendship, you know? But here?s the thing, I don?t want guys to fall for me if I am not dating them and am just normal friends with them because it will ruin the whole friendship and make things complicated/mess things up.
I just want guys to be into me only if I am dating them but I know that it doesn?t work that way unfortunately. Wow, I can?t believe that about your current girlfriend?s best guy friend. Wow that?s crazy, that?s all I can say, LOL. I guess a guy only sticks around with a girl as her ?friend? only if he has a thing for her deep inside, lol. And yeah, that was hard and unfortunate about your last ex. You deserve much better than that. But as you said yourself, things happen.
HAHAHA LOL. You're right... how much he'd be staring at my boobs... you're so funny.. but no it's true. No I understand guys are visual creatures. Exactly, girls are turned on by things you say and when you compliment us and such. Girls and guys are totally different creaturs that's for sure, loool.
I rest my case, therefore, we hate the friend zone, because we most likely have feelings for you, regarldess
Thanks for all your time and help. You really helped me understand a lot about guys I didn't know and I learned a lot from you. :) Thanks so much! But I agree, and see what you are saying that guys are probably just pretending. I understand that they don't like it and will pretend.. anyways, take care!
U too :)
Thanks! :)