Parents publicly shaming kids for misbehaviour: Your thoughts?

There is a trend of parents publicly shaming their children when they misbehave, they get the kid to hold a home-made sing in public with text explaining what they did wrong.

What are your thoughts on this type of discipline/punishment?

detailed and thoughtful answers are appreciated

Would you ever do it with your kid?

Parents publicly shaming kids for misbehaviour: Your thoughts?
Parents publicly shaming kids for misbehaviour: Your thoughts?


Parents publicly shaming kids for misbehaviour: Your thoughts?



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Updates:
this seems to be an American phenomena

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It really depends on the act and the kid, some this would be appropriate some wouldn't. What each parent does is really up to them. The ones who are saying you would act out more well a parent would learn from that and decide on another form of discipline. Parenting is so hard. It's unnecessary to judge people's parenting skills when it comes to such as this. Not feeding or not clothing or not loving a child we all know that is things a parent shouldn't do. But when it comes to discipline there is such a wide range of personalities to deal with. There is always preferences to what is and isn't acceptable. A bully most likely does need that type of consequence. Who knows who else or what else it might work for. Parenting is learning as you go. All kids and situations are different. Who are we to say this is good or bad.

    As far as would I do it? I don't think so. She doesn't cope well with such as this. I'd decide on something else. For a future kid with a different personality, I'd just be learning as I go it will be trial and error.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Absolutely in favor of it when more conventional methods have failed. To quote from Joanthan Swift, “I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.”

    Shame has the virtue of calling us to virtue by laying bear our failings. When we seek to hide from the truth of our conduct - and indeed of our natures - there is good reason.

    Shame is the expression of that which we seek to hide either from others or from ourselves. It may be, as was said in the movie Bull Durham, that "the world is not made for people who are burdened with the curse of self-awareness." That said, to all obvious evidence, we have too little self-awareness.

    Forcing a person to face themselves in all their virtue - and all their failings - is the surest way to get them to confront to their true selves. That is the first step toward improvement.

    In our theraputic populist age that has been forgotten. We are all assumed to be good. We are not. Shame confronts us in our brutal reality.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 30

  • They don't have good parental skills. I'd never humiliate or shame my kid publicly, regardless of what they did. There's ways to discipline a child without harming them or emotionally scarring them for life

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  • This is bullshit
    Eveeything nowdaya is happening pulclicly
    What is in the family should stay in the family
    Honestly if my mom do this to me i will respect her less

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  • Completely ineffective and cruel. Perhaps the child would never do that ever again, but it breaks the bond of trust between the child and the parents, and leads to growing resentment

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  • Honestly i once saw a mother shave her daughter's head to teach her a lesson for teasing a girl about her lack of hair due to cancer... I couldn't have applauded any louder. The signs however may be a bit much especially when its just as easy to sit the child down and talk about it

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  • It depends on how the parent handles the situation. I've seen some parents that tell thier child to wait until they get home. That way the child isn't humiliated in public. However, I've seen some parents who scream, yell and holler at the child in front of everybody which is wrong acc to me. And I would never do that.
    If that's the way discipline is handled in that home, those children are not going to respond favorably.

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    • I'm 27 and my mom still embarrasses me. I went with her to candy store just the other day and she kept asking, "Are you sure you don't want anything? Your mother will pay for it." Then my dad and I went out to Steak and Shake. Our waitress was this really cute girl who was eyeballing me hard. My dad says loudly while looking at one of the tattoos on her arm, "I don't like tattoos." And I just want to facepalm every time I'm with them.

  • That's stupid, their kids will come to hate them and do even more shit. I know that if my parents did this I would do even worse things to get them back for the humiliation I would have felt.
    And humiliating a child is never good. That's very damaging.

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  • If they've tried everything (and I'll bet they have) then what else is left for them to do except make you look stupid for the things you are doing. If I was at my wits end with my child I would be like get out there and hold this damn sign. Since I can't get you to stop, then be proud of what you're doing. But I still wouldn't make them hold a humiliating sign I would just kick them out. Feel free to do what you want to do in your house.

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  • Not my child, not my place to judge. However if I found out that my child was bullying other kids, I can't say that I wouldn't go to the extreme like this.

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  • What a shame... Never! Would publicly shame my kid... Or any other person.

    Making double embarrassment does not help the kid become a better person. Now he /she will be much more difficult to get cought and hate more the parent

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    • Imagine the analogous situation: parents with such signs! " I'm a hopeless parent, spending so little time with my kid, so I don't know him' or ' I don't have the skills to speak with my kid cos I'm an ignorant asshole'
      Eh? Would they like to wear that?

  • I think it’s kinda dumb. I dunno, I just think that that stuff should be kept private, I wouldn’t personally want to do that to my kid, even if they had fucked up hugely

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  • I like the thought behind it but I don't think it's the right way and to be honest I guess this is in the states if that happened here I wouldn't be surprised if the parents got into trouble with the authorities

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  • I don't think that's the right way to raise a kid. Sure, it's bad to bully a kid or whatever else these kids did, but this is bullying too. Bad parenting, to say the least

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  • I think this is so wrong on so many levels. It develops a sense of mistrust and fear.. Do not recommend. As a kid this was done to me several times and I have suffered mentally as a result.

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  • Hopefully, it's a last resort type of punishment and not a weekly thing.
    Tbh when I see such pictures, I think the parents have failed at parenting.

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  • That's abuse. It does more harm than it could possibly do good.

    Keep your punishment private.

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  • It’s terrible and it’s not good parenting. There are better ways to discipline your child.

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  • Those parents are manipulative becsuse in reality a bully is going through a tpugh time himself and instead of actually helping. They do the opposite.

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  • I still prefer the old school butt spanking character built we all had. can't mess with a winner

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  • I think it makes sense as a last resort type of punishment. Like grounding and taking away privileges didn't work so they need something new.

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  • I mean parenting is tough ( I assume).
    Children can do some pretty silly things sometimes. I believe a child needs proper guidance. They need to be taught in a healthy way about how to behave correctly. But humiliating a child doesn't make them respect you. But they also need to know that there are consequences to their actions. I believe children need to be disciplined, I really do not respect parents who just let their kids get away with everything. But intentionally humiliating the child seems like an extreme to me. Lazy parenting in my view.

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What Guys Said 40

  • Public shaming is a really harsh punishments if prescribed by a parent, and I am generally against it, with minor exceptions, and here's why:

    1. It may be counter productive, leading the child to rebel. The objective behind punishment is to correct behavior. It will only push the child's behavior deeper underground, and the child may persist out of spite. A child light not be more open and forthcoming if they think that the consequence is abject humiliation.

    2. Depending on what the child did, it could severely damage a child's reputation in the eyes of the community, which prolongs the humiliation even after the punishment is over. The objective is to better, strengthen, and morally build up your children, not break then. That's why it could backfire. Refer to the previous point. For example, the kids being made to say he's a bully may end up becoming a target of bullying and ridicule. The kid with the sign about drugs might have trouble finding a job in the new l near future.

    HOWEVER

    This strategy may be a very powerful deterrent for the child and the child's peers. However, it should be reserved for the worst of offenses. For example, the day who shot up his daughter's laptop on camera, I think he went a little too far. I think it really depends on 2 things:
    A. The level of offence, and
    B. The level of remorse.
    That is, if a kid commits a serious offence, and feels no remorse, then you got to drop down the hammer. Public humiliation may be warranted. Otherwise, it may depend on other factors.

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  • It's an absolutely terrible idea. Parents should explain to their children why their behavior was inappropriate and discuss how to improve it. They shouldn't humiliate them. All this is going to achieve is subtle trauma, where the children grow up to be self-hating, insecure people.

    And yes, this is a very American phenomenon. It has to do with America's puritan history. The puritans loved nothing more than to shame people publicly for their sins. Think of Hawthorne's 'Scarlet Letter'.

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  • I think it represents an act of desperation. Young people today want to become independent decision makers at an age much earlier than is reasonable. I is difficult to devise effective punishments for teens. I understand this response.

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  • It’s no wonder they are bullies their parents are just as bad... Two wrongs don’t make a right instead it will only make them worst. They are lashing out from their parents bad parenting and possibly a broken home.

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  • I don’t believe this works effectively to eradicate undesirable behavior. I think it could even increase the behavior and resentment. Psychological studies back me up on this I believe

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  • I believe that America has become to sensitive and that parents need to be more strict on their children. Those signs will teach each of the children a valuable life lesson!

    Also spanking a child needs to make a comeback!

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  • I am personally not against it. Children need to learn there are consequences to our behavior. In times when parents can't even smack their children on the bum, something has to be done to say to children bad behavior has consequences. Ignoring bad behaviour will not work, as the child will think they can get away with it.

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  • I've never seen this, in real life.

    As an idea, I don't know. I'd need to know what the actual results were like. I think if this had happened to me, as a kid, I probably would have thought fairly carefully before I did it again, though.

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  • I would never do this to my kids

    there's no reason to make a scene about family matters.
    These things are between the family. not them and the public.

    This type of punishment can plant seeds of resentment more than understanding.

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  • Great way to catapult your bully kid into potential serial killer

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  • Any psychologist will tell you this makes things worse, not better. It does not correct behaviour, it just makes sense people more careful about hiding it.

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    • Exactly, you're motivating them to not get caught not understand why their actions are wrong. They might be too scared to attempt it again but who will stop them if their parents can no longer punish them.

  • They are parents and they know better than us to how to keep their childs on track. You have to do what they say and not argue with them as they only tries to make us a good person and will never harm you.
    May it clear your questions.

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  • As with any punishment, if it has the desired effect (correcting behaviour) then it’s worked.

    Me, I’ll just keep it simple beat the little shit.

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    • It doesn't though. All beating the shit out if them, or publicly shaming them does it make them work harder to hide behaviour. Just look it up. Punishment can occasionally be useful for stopping dangerous behaviour quickly, however it will only stick if behaviour that conflicts with the bad behaviour is re-enforced. The data is very clear on this, multiple studies back it up.

  • I can tell you that I pretty much dont believe in it, but I wouldn't say it probably has never worked either cause I'm sure it has.

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  • When their kids start bullying others very badly, I think it's an excellent way of dealing with it. Usually, other reasons should be more privatly handled.

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  • Pure stupidity and attention seeking. Discipline your son or daughter at home by spanking them firmly.

    Spanking works especially if its done early.

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  • Its more of a reflection of poor parenting than a bad child.

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  • While it might work it'll get the kids to be bullied and it'll probably lead to them developing social anxiety in most cases.

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  • Those kids are the ones I'm looking at as candidates for the next school shooter.

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  • I think it is effective but still unpleasant. It wouldn't be my go to method of discipline, but I would consider it.

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