Is it ok to tell a white lie or does it mean you are a general "liar"?

A favorite Seinfeld episode
A favorite Seinfeld episode
So i picked up my boyfriend from the airport. He hasn't told his folks about us for the past year (we are from different races and I'm divorced) and he told his mom he was "in a cab". Made me cringe. Got me wondering, do you ever fib to your folks or others? Does this make you a general liar? Or are there things you are OK lying about and others that are no go? Are white lies OK compared to others?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends on the context.

    If a woman ever asks her SO if she looks fat, the answer better be some variation of "of course not babe", even if it is a white lie. I don't think this would qualify the man as a liar because he's telling the lie so that the woman can feel better about herself.

    So in some circumstances, telling white lies doesn't qualify someone as a liar.

    This could be a general rule to follow. If a lie is told to benefit the person telling it, they are doing it for selfish reasons. Therefore they would be a liar.

    If they're doing it to benefit someone else, I would say that they are not a liar.

    That being said, your boyfriend lying about being in a cab, in his mind who do you think that he believes he was benefiting by doing that?

    Did he do it for his own benefit?

    Did he do it for your benefit?

    Or, did he do it for his parents benefit?

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    • probably everyones. when he tells them, it shouldn't be blurted out and i should never be objected to their likely racist rant and he was just happy to see me after 5 days abroad.

    • Makes sense. Thanks so much for MHO!

Most Helpful Girl

  • White lies to insignificant people is ok. Like pulling a sicky at work. You dont lie to people you love/respect. It'd make me wonder what lies he'd be capable of telling you. I find that people pleasers are the worst liars as they find it easier to lie than to disappoint. He needs to be upfront as lying hurts more than disappointment.

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What Guys Said 23

  • You know, that's a really good question and I totally understand why you would ask this given what happened, however families can be pretty judgmental and opinionated when it comes to relationships so I wouldn't put your boyfriend in the "he's a liar" category quite yet. You've admitted that he hasn't told his parents about you two and I can only assume that there's a good reason for that.

    Should he tell them? I mean, you're 39 so I can only assume that he himself is also not a child, but at the same time, I also understand that there's a hell of a lot more information that needs to be provided here before I can make that conclusion too. That said, if you plan for this relationship to progress, then he's going to have to tell his family at some point and the fact that he seems unwilling to should pose concerns about the future of your relationship as there's simply no way that he plans to hide you for the rest of his life.

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  • I've almost never answered correctly to how does this dress look. If she's a complete mess crying I'm still ganna tell her she's beautiful so she stops crying. I lie to women all the time to spare their feelings.

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  • You sometimes have to lie your situation after a year though I just take a look at your relationship and I always feel if your both solid you will be ok to tell the parents. I did something the same dated for 10 months and never met her parents turns out There were reasons I was kept in the background :(

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    • why was it?

    • Well it was agreed we were boyfriend girlfriend and in love apart from to the outside world. she said it was because her ex was a bit mental. her friends would seemed confused when I said we were dating then she told the decorator I was just a mate and kept getting strange comments off people after 6 months even her brother was like your not a couple are you. Bit of a red flag that thinking back. turns out about a week after we split up there was a picture posted by another guy I’d never heard of and some flowers with the comments being happy 6 months that was on a private account I’d got wind of. Doing some research he’s away quite a bit and I was invited round whenever he was. This was all a long time ago. But you get soo blinded at the time. Also we had holidays together and everything like that strange part of my life that one

    • im sorry that happened to you. thats not right and sucks

  • That is not a white lie, a white lie is telling a suicidal person you like them and value their company when truthful you don't, you just don't want them to hurt themselves. White lies always have an important moral imperative.

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  • There's no such thing as a "white lie". That's bullshit liars tell themselves to justify being assholes.

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  • Both of course, one white lie isn't a huge deal but its a tricky thing. The more you lie the more comfortable you get lying, white lie or not it doesn't matter. So its more that telling white lies reinforce a pattern of lying under pressure that is very problematic than one white lie being a huge deal, we all do it sometimes, especially to our parents when they are the worrying or judgmental sort.

    I would just talk to him, if you see right through the white lies and quietly and kindly call him on it, that should help him at least be more aware when he's doing it.

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  • White lie is still a lie. If you truly care about someone just be honest with them even if it hurts them but don't shame them. After all it's just an opinion.

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  • Honesty is always the best way but sometimes people are pressured into lying. Your boyfriend does seem a little childish though. Why not tell his family about you? I'd be concerned

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  • in my book any lie is not good, if you dont mean it dont say it...

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  • White lies are still lies, means that person is a liar. It's better to be 100% honest in life.

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  • It makes yo a liar. But I have to say that if your girlfriend ask if her ass is to big to know the right answer no matter what.

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  • Yeah, at least once a day for me. It's always stuff like "No I didn't eat your cupcake, the dog did" and small stuff like that 😂

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  • We could not get through life with out our white lies. There is a comedy called liar liar. It’s a silly movie, but lots of truth.

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  • Maybe his family is crazy and doesn’t want them to know about you.

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  • Never good be careful, it might be you on the other line

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  • liar liar white pants on fire

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  • Honesty is always the best pomicy.

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  • A lie is a lie

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  • That's not a white lie.

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  • No. Lying is never okay. Everyone is a liar.

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What Girls Said 9

  • The trouble with any lie white or other you are constantly having to remember who you told what.
    Its not worth it. Ehen the true is so easy to say. If you are ashamed of what your doing dont do it.

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  • I believe that a "White Lie" May also mean to Sugar Coat Some, hun, To be Diplomatic or Avoid a conflict. xx

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    • Watch the News with the Kavanaugh deal and You will See what a real Lie Them Dems are pulling Here, dear. xx

  • white lies usually are used to help someone where an overall lying is when you don't have a good reason to or it's hurting the person more than helping

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  • Only people who don’t matter to me cause I don’t feel like dealing with.

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  • Every single person is a liar.

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  • That's not a white lie.

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  • It means you are a general liar

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  • White lies? I find them harmless..

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  • Never lie.

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