Why can't I keep friends?

Anonymous
I can make friends, it is no problem for me, but there is this thing that seems to keep repeating in my life. It started in grade7, all of the group of people I hung out with just straight out told me not to hang out with them anymore.

The next time it happened was grade 9 when I had to change schools. My friends at that time just stopped talking to me, even when I tried to call them. It happened again in grade 12 when I was finished in high school. I made some friends at that school but after it was over there was no one that wanted to talk to me again.

And this last time was harsh. I had made friends with many of the different groupings of people in my college classes and things were great. We would hang out and get together during breaks and even go to some partys after school. Now again they are not talking to me.

My birthday had just passed (20th) and I spent the day and night alone in my room. I didn't even get facebook birthday wishes. I have no clue why they do not want to stay friends with me or why they are not talking to me.

I am the nice girl that helps everyone out with their problems and they would come to me for advice and stuff like that. I never talk behind people's backs or anything. I feel so empty and alone and I just want someone to be able to hang out with and do what friends do. I do have a boyfriend who I have been with for almost 4 years now. No one seems to like him but it is because he keeps to himself and can be rude at times if he gets mad. I did have one friend who still talks to me sometimes say that she doesn't come over because of him but that can't be the reason for all of the other people leaving me because most of them haven't even met him.

I thought that some recent friends have stopped talking to me because I have a child (2yrs old) but some of them had children too. I can't understand the why because no one has told me why they don't talk to me anymore.

I have been depressed for some time now and I have not gone for help. I have considered killing myself for many years but I can never bring myself to do it. My whole thought was that someday my life is going to get better, but it doesn't seem to be happening. I keep looking on the past and wishing I had done things differently in my life and chose different paths. I think that if I stayed living with my abusive father then the friends I had had at that school would still be here now.

I have also thought the reason is because I am the fat smart girl, and apparently no one likes to be seen with fat people. I starved myself before and lost 60 pounds in a month but I had to give it up because I became very weak so the weight came back on. I have always been a big girl, tall too, so it isn't that I am fat looking but I am larger than everyone else. I just need to know why someone would stop talking to a good person without giving them a reason or explanation as to why. I can't change myself if I don't know what is wrong with me.
Why can't I keep friends?
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