Boyfriend’s friend: incredibly disrespectful?

My boyfriend and I are pretty serious. Like, see each other as long term, possible marriage, etc. I get along fantastically with his friends and family. I’m invited to guys night, because they genuinely love me. (I decline).

Now, I don’t really hangout with them- my boyfriend needs his own space and I like keeping our friends separate, except for rare occasions. We have plans for this Saturday, our anniversary (tomorrow), but his friends want a guys night at his place. (They all see each other almost daily)

My boyfriend turned them down, saying blah blah blah, I’m with Valiant. One of his friends, who I’m good with, took it upon himself to get pissed and text me aggressively. Insulting me, being very disrespectful. Photoshopped my boyfriend into the “last seen: under his girlfriends thumb” meme. I’m not controlling in the slightest. This Saturday is our anniversary, or I would’ve said to hangout with them.

My boyfriend is pissed at the friend. I’m supposed to hangout with said friend next weekend with a smaller group. Do I move past this, or keep him on the rocks?

TLDR: boyfriends friend incredibly disrespectful. Keep hanging out with him, or put some distance?
Updates:
5 d ago
More info: my boyfriend was/is fully aware of what his friend said and sent me. He yelled at him for it and the friend is under a lot of heat. If I asked my boyfriend would cut off all contact with him, I know this. However, I don’t want to be a bitch like that- I’m not too upset, just shocked at the insane disrespect from someone I’m friends with.
1 d ago
Pulled the friend aside and he actually started apologizing profusely. We are both good now. Thanks for everyone’s advice:)

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213
  • The friend is absolutely unjustified, and in the wrong. As you say, it's not as if you've tried to freeze him out, or are making unreasonable demands on his friend's time - this is a specific occasion that is important to you, as a couple.

    There's also the fact that he didn't just grumble behind your back - he took the time and trouble to create a confrontation.

    Neither of which are unforgivable... but... he's the one in the wrong, and he owes you an apology. I wouldn't necessarily expect one, but if he doesn't do, then you wouldn't be out of order if you decided to distance yourself from him, including not having him along the following weekend, until he learns that he doesn't act like that, and expect there not to be consequences.

    What does genuinely slightly irritate me (vicariously, lol) about this situation is, as you've said - you're not controlling, and you do give your boyfriend space. Plenty of girls are insecure, and don't do that. The friend seems unable to appreciate this.

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    • 5 d ago

      Exactly, thank you Jim. I see my boyfriend once, twice a week. The thing that bothers me most is my boyfriend makes it blatantly obvious he’d 100% rather spend all his time with me- I don’t want him to lose any friends as typical when you settle down, so I heavily (force) encourage him to have the guys over, to accept invitations out. I’ll cancel our plans so he can do so.
      The friend in question KNOWS this, they all do- he’s currently on the outs with my boyfriend and several others in their group. I just don’t want to make my boyfriend lose his best friend over this, the friend is a good guy and a good pal to my boyfriend. Just crossed a major line.

      However, he has yet to apologize.

  • Simple

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    • 5 d ago

      And the right thing is?

    • 5 d ago

      U have to find out.
      I nor anyone can tell what is thr right thing.
      You have to find out

  • I think you should let it go. If you turn up the heat or carry it on for too long the guy will become more resentful. The rest of the mates will polarize and the whole thing will get messy and cause friction that might adversely affect your relationship. Maybe pull him aside and make your feelings known then drop it.

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  • Tell your boyfriend, explain that you don't accept that. Chances are that his friend will either apologize or show he doesn't like you in fact. If he can't accept you, then he should just ignore you.
    And an anniversary is pretty more serious than a guys night.

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    • 5 d ago

      My boyfriend knows and did yell at the disrespectful friend, and another mutual friend between them yelled at him too.
      Funny thing is, the friend likes me a lot. He invites me out, talks about how my boyfriend is lucky to have me, etc. just wayyyy overstepped.

  • Your boyfriend needs to check him
    This is your job. I think your feelings are 100% justified.

    What fucking loser, can't believe he made a meme

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  • Refuse to see the friend! Absolutely lay down the law! How dare he be like this! I would speak to your boyfriend as I imagine he’s upset that he loves you and his Friend but I’d torn! He’s not a friend! He’s jealous!

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  • You ignore him. Do not talk to him, no hi no talking.

    Talk to your boyfriend beforehand. Tell him that if he does anything stupid you guys either leave or he breaks he’s friends jaw.

    But to be honest if my friend did that to my girlfriend, I would drive to he’s door break he’s jaw and end the friendship there.

    He has no right.

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  • Ummm ya
    He’s just being an idiot. You aren’t doing anything wrong. Id say to let the dust settle a bit
    See if he can realize he’s an idiot and go back to normal or does he kinda hold a grudge

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  • He needs to apologize to both of you.

    When I got married, I lost many single friends and developed new couple friends. That is what happens it is nether good are bad. But what is important for the boy to learn is how to become a man. A married man seeks to please his wife and if that means losing some boyhood friends so be it. But that also goes to you. You need to develop common friends, couple friends. You are not longer going to be single, you are a couple, that means you leave don’t him alone and go out with the girls. You two make a commitment and you two become each other’s best friend, always spending time together and looking out for the best of each other

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  • I wouldn't tolerate that you're young and beautiful you have options

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  • That is a dick move on his part. Keep him on ice. I've iced others in the past.

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  • He sounds like a toxic friend so yes distance yourself from him and same as your boyfriend. When you are. in a committed relationship you never choose. friends over. ypur partner, this goes both ways for. guys and. girls , if your partner doesn't make you a priority over. their friends Then they really dont respect you and that's. something you have to ask yourself if you still want. to be with someone that doesn't make you a priority. So explain to me non are supposed. to hang out with that toxic friend Next weekend?

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  • Yes.

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  • Salty dude. Nothing else to it.

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  • Friend is just about bros before hos

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    • 1 d ago

      Not a hoe, when we’ve been dating a while and he wants to marry me. But thanks

    • 1 d ago

      It's just a phrase. No need to be so defensive all the time.

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