Help! How do I deal with a judgmental family member?

So here's the deal (this is going to sound off topic a sec). Im somebody that loves all animals (my parents are the same). My pets are family to me they aren't just "pets". I have a cat and 2 dogs.

My grandma has been known to get her foot up her ass sometimes when talking to family. Im somebody who she loves to critisize more than anyone. Whether its judging what im wearing and saying i ain't girly enough, to dictating how im supposed to live my life.

Anyways, tomorrow im going out of town to see her and other family members. Im going to her house first, mom dropping me off. I called her tonight to let her know im coming. Its just me and mom coming, my dad always has to stay home with the animals because we can't afford boarding them. My dad still occasionally goes by himself to see family.

When i told my grandma im coming she said "i assume you guys aren't coming as a family are you" i said no and said why. She said "y'all just need to get rid of your pets." Then said "think about it all your doing is putting dogs ahead of your family." I got pissed and said "so what?" Without truly meaning it. She instantly tried to steer the conversation to where she suddenly loves animals and thinks the same as me about it. She should at least be fucking happy she's even seeing me.

Yes, i get that not everyone loves animals the same way. But she knows the kind of person i am and just loves to push my buttons about anything. I've dealy with it for years and this is really starting to put me over the edge. I respect my elders but i feel like if she gets over-judgy about something with me i may just explode.

What can i do? Im really dreading seeing her tomorrow cause i know i'll be hearing more of her comments.

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  • If I were you, I'd run away or ignore whatever they'd say to you. My parents have been constantly nagging me about getting a proper job and don't run around like a fool playing music or being in a band, I just told them well it brings Happiness to me so fuck off if you're not helping me at all. Hell, all the stuff even my first guitar that I bought it was my friend's money. He didn't ask anything in return. Sometimes, you can trust somebody out of your family, and it works.

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    • 1 d ago

      Oh man my grandparents were the same with my dad when he was young and in music lol

    • 1 d ago

      They're too old to understand the things in a different and new way. There's always a way to solve it - it's NOT to discuss about your job with your parents at all. That's also my own opinion, since I don't know how you'd react to that...

  • Maybe it's time to tell her how you feel. Calmly and without putting her in a corner. She may be totally unaware of the context of what she's saying to you.
    You can ALSO steer the convo toward different topics once she starts that.
    Good luck!

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  • Try to keep in mind she's old. Also i'm assuming retired. I run into this problem sometimes with my mom. We're all grown most of us with families and lots of commitments. She just loves us and wants us to ne all together as a family like when we were young. But it comes out as frusration like " is that really necessary"?
    You grandma just wants to see all of you together.

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  • Grandma is not right your animals are part of the family.
    If she diesmt like your dad not coming then tell her ill stay home then. My animals mean so much to me. Tell her she is turning you away and quite frankily dont care what you think about my animals. They are my family too.

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  • Yeah that's not good with grandma. Thank God my Grandmas
    wasn't too much like that now my Moms mother ( Grandma)
    was closer to us than my Dads Mom ( Grandma) and sometimes
    she would spout things off like saying when my Mother would
    go grocery shopping with her she said , my Mother put anything
    in her grocery cart and my Mom did the best for us all so i know
    where your coming from. Your grandma needs respect your pets
    as well as you too :/

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  • You are an adult. You don't have to see her if you don't want to. You don't have to listen to critical comments from her if you do go. If she starts, just say "Grandma, I'm not discussing that with you. Let's talk about something else." If she continues, then say firmly "I'm not discussing this." and walk away.

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  • She feels ignored in part because of your animals. You feel more attached to your animals than she does. That's a difference if opinion.
    If you have to go see her, you're going to have to tolerate her snipes. Try not to take them to heart, they are not important. If you don't have to , you don't.

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  • It’s sad to think any member of your family would rather stay with animals over seeing them!
    Imagine when you’re older and your children can’t see you because the dog needs a walk! Shocking! Pets are pets! Family comes first!

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  • I believe most people have been in such situations. You have to cut off all contact if it's bothering you so much. This will probably happen gradually with time and not from one day to the other. At least that's what I did. And my family is a horrible fucking mess. Like two opposite armies in their trenches firing at each other. I deserted and keep my life a drama-free zone.

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  • My aunt is very similar. To put it frank, you just gotta deal with it. Some people just don't know when to shut the fuck up.

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  • Nod and smile while you imagine stroking your softest cat calmly.

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  • Be snarky and witty back. Find her weak spot, exploit it.

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  • Your grandma needs to chill the fuck out

    Good for you for wanting to take care of your animals

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  • Best I can say is brace yourself for what’s to come. You did well

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  • Remember this scene from South Park.

    Butter's grandma was a real asshole to him and bullied him throughout the episode.
    www.hulu.com/embed.html

    In the end, he kindly puts her in her place.
    www.hulu.com/embed.html

    However, I say "Go nuclear!" and, if Grandma really pisses you off, say to her this just before you head out the door to go home:

    "For your sake, Grandma, you better get cremated after you die because, if you get buried, I'm going to dance on your grave on every anniversary of the day of you died. Bitch. Bye!"

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  • I love pets but after watching my best friend destroy her relationship with her father because she thinks it’s ok for her to have 4 dogs for one single woman living alone, I firmly believe family should come before pets and also you should never be outnumbered by them in a household.

    My friends dog ruined her house, the place smells, and she has to keep them separated a lot, and one in a cage while she’s at work 9 hours a day. Not to mention that they aren’t behaved at all since they go so long without proper training. Anyway, sorry to go off on a tangent but generally I don’t think pets should be top priority. You and your livelyhood should be along with your family.

    But if you’re going to have pets, take good care of them, don’t leave them alone for more than just a few hours a day (5 tops), and just don’t let them ruin your house or relationships with family.

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  • Be honest with them in the most straight forward way like I do with everyone on here. Go fuck yourselves everyone :)

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  • I did not read that, cause I'm too drunk🤣 but you should tell me to go get a dog up them.

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  • This is my entire family. 😂 Just live life and let it roll off your back.

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  • Well... uh... Haha. my grandma is the same, I have a cat and me and my mom really love him so much but grandma is always like:"get rid of that cat first if you want me to visit you..." "uh the cat makes bad smell in the house" (even thoug there is absolutely no smell) when my mom Is kissing or cuddling thr cat my grandma is like:"you crazy... that's gross, you touch that cat too much it's an animal" ... grandmas just don't like animals for some reason. But we get along.
    Hoever I agree that you should be more girly

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  • grandmom needs to mellow out.

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  • Just be kind and pleasant 🖤

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  • Ignoring them lot of times I don’t deal with them.

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