Lately, I've been having suicidal thoughts (more than usual). I've always had that boring kind of life, I'm super shy, introverted and ugly. I've actually been having these thoughts for years, and by the time it only got worse, but the peak of everything was when my first boyfriend just dumped me saying I'm too weird and since then, he's been avoiding me (2 months ago). I rarely talk to my brother, I AWLAYS argue with my parents, they are wonderful people who love me, but I always yell at them, I hate that, I cry every night because of that and feel remorse, I really love them but I can't even remember the last time we had a normal conversation. I have a few friends, but I feel they are avoiding me, and I can't blame them, lately my introvertness has gotten worse, I hate going outside, I spend almost all time in my room alone, I feel like a ghost. I just feel so useless, every day I fall more and more in that state. My contrectation level is awful. I feel worthless, my daily activity is going to school, and being in my room. I always cry, even without a reason, and I'm always sad. Whenever I try to do something, voice inside me tells me that I'm annoying everyone, and that I just need to keep my mouth shut. i have feeling some people are superior to me, I hate my body and my face, and my shyness. It all started in 5th grade, and it lasted 5 years. 5 years of constant bullying and verbal abusing, I was always the target, even tho I always helped those kids, they always made fun of me, even though I rarely talked to anyone. Because of that, I hate my middle school, I don't even have the courage to pass by it. Everyday I wish I would die, every night before sleep I pray I'd die quietly in sleep. I don't have courage to kill myself, well not yet, I've always been a coward, but these thought and worthlessnes are getting worse by day, and I feel like everyone hates me and no one would be sad if I'd die. Please help me, I don't want to live this life anymore! (I'm 17).