How do you stay strong when the walls are crumbling around you?

Lemia
Normally I would happy and chreapy, full of happiness and light but over a week ago I found out after 13 years what my friend died of. This week every year i much more emotionally unstable and prone to break downs. For the first time ever I have an amzaing girlfriend to support me but I feel like I've done something wrong and left asking myself what i did wrong?
How do you stay strong when the walls are crumbling around you?
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