Is it really mommy/daddy issues if you never really cared to see that parent?

[Finchie40]

Wow your poor Dad , Why would your Grandmom do that? Hate to say it but it sounds like your Grandmom has some mental issues , That is borderline abusive control over her own daughter , How is your Mom’s relationship with her Mom? Your Mom probably doesn’t care to much for
Your Grandmom but unconditional she probably feels obligated to love her Mom, what she did to your Dad is evil. Little do most people know is that your own parents can be toxic and have a control over us and people feel obligated to value their parent even though their parent has mental illness , , I know it’s very hard to do but sometimes we need to pull away from those parents and begin our own journey in life , and also I am only answering your question based off what I read , so please don’t get offended and think I am bashing your Grandmom because their might be another reason your Grandmom did that to your Dad , but if she did it out of selfish reasons then your Grandmom has her own issues she needs to deal with and your Mom needs to pull away from her or your Mom will live a miserable life. My ex Mother in law had a control over my ex and it was sickening to watch , but her Mom had this control over her that wasn’t normal , it was like a jealousy thing that she didn’t want her own daughter to be happy she always criticized my ex and made her feel that She couldn’t have good things happen to her without getting jealous over it , I saw through my mother in law and realized she has insecurity issues and she was mental , when my mother in law passed away my ex grieving was beyond anyone’s grieving I ever witnessed , it was big time mental illness my ex pretty much turned on me and started acting like her Mom towards me , she got real distant and beyond selfish and that’s around the time my ex cheated on me and I filed divorce , Parents can have a huge impact on their child’s life , And sadly it can be a mental impact

[Mehzmeh]

I am the same way about my egg donor. My father never talked bad about her until she sent him to jail for refusing to pay her more money. And then when he got out, he still wouldn't talk shit about her. Until I told him what happened when Iived with her. And then he told me the whole story. And never talked about her again. So I, don't think it's a mommy issue. Especially since he raised me to respect females.

[lilyanony1]

That's a shame. I don't know if I mentioned this but my father and I fell out and I was estranged from him for 8 years or so.
Simply because my mother and grandmother had been poisoning me against him.
What you need to understand is that this person is a half of you. One day he will matter and its sometimes when that person is dying.
What you need to see through is the fact that your grandmother was interfering and jealous. It doesn't matter if your mother has made a success of her life despite him leaving. She broke something she had no place getting involved in.

I would find it very hard to respect her, and if take a deeper look into the situation.

But that's just me. And in my own situation I realise I was poisoned against my father out of jealousy.
My mother didn't receive the love/loyalty she deserved from my dad, and she couldn't bare to watch him nurture me, because she truly believed she is above everything.

I'll give you examples: "I was asked this question and your dad was surprised by my response, if your partner and your kids were drowning, who would you save? My partner you can have more kids but your love is irreplaceable".

"when I was having you, my brother told me this, children are to fit into your life, you don't fit your life around your children."

"I never planned to have kids, your father was so over the moon about having you he was the one that convinced me to have you".

"I had an abortion before I had you, as I didn't want kids, when I miscarried after having you I decided that that was God's way of showing me i had had enough, despite your dad saying he wanted more kids, especially for you, but I grew up in a home where I couldn't wait to get away."

My mums life is selfish, she designed her life with her wishes only. She took on a man that was interested in others because he understood life is richer with others, when shared, when filled with love.

He may not have gone about it the right way but I understand that he was incredibly frustrated. And my mum drove a wedge between us so I couldn't see she was the problem.

[Andres77]

For starters I'm not telling you what to do... that being said...😉.

I'm #6 of 6 kids.
My mom was raped by my grandpa repeatedly for years and my grandmother was beaten into submission any time she tried to defend my mom.
My mom married an abusive husband who prostituted her to others because he was a lazy fuck. My mom was separated (finally) and had a one night stand with my dad. Her soon to be ex died before the divorce was final, may he burn in hell.
My mom told me about who my real dad was when I was 12. He didn't even know I was alive. Long story.
I found my dad when I was 19.
He accepted me.
We started our relationship and it was rocky. He had no authority over me, we bumped heads a bit. But I'm glad I got to know my dad. He wasn't what I'd call a hero or model citizen but he was a great grandpa.
When my daughters were about 3 and 5 they both begged my mom to come visit my dad decades after their moment of passionate and desperate discretion. My mom agreed. So we have pictures of my Mom and Dad and me and my daughters together. If it wasn't for innocent pleads it never ever would have happened.
I'm glad it happened.
Even though I didn't agree with my Dad I always showed honor and respect. He didn't know I existed. It wasn't his fault.
He deserved to be given honor and respect. He's dead now and I do miss him. He was difficult... but he was my Dad and he did love me. I cherish that opportunity.
Now, it's don't know you or your family but what you did mention is that he was stolen from you by a vindictive bitter woman. Her actions stole your father away from you. He was an innocent man falsely accused and he lost his daughter because of a cruel lie. That's evil as fuck.
I would respectfully request that you share at least something of your life with your dad. There are so many kids growing up with dads that don't care about them. it sounds as if he was willing to make an effort. Please give him a chance. I know there's more details that you didn't include but that was my impression. Still be careful but one day he might make a great grandpa.
Again, lots of details I don't know but please consider giving him a chance. Still keep your guard up and have patience.
I hope nothing but the best for you and your future family.

[Kurαȷ]

The popular concept of mommy/daddy issues doesn't (or if it does, it shouldn't) refer to having issues "with" that particular parent, it refers to whatever issues caused by the absence of that parent in someone's life.

Most commonly, this manifests in the child developing a poor relationship with the actual single parent, through mechanics such as-
Single parent struggles with money, has to work more jobs, is more stressed, has less time to develop a good relationship with the child, maybe even turns to alcohol etc.

And as that resentment grows, the child may start perceiving the single parent as "the problem", blame them for the absence of their mommy/daddy in their life, or even develop prejudice against the behaviors that they associate their single-parent with and develop irrational acceptance for the absentee parent.

So if you developed a good relationship with your mother and grew up in a healthy family environment, you shouldn't really have any "daddy issues".
The absence of a parent doesn't really matter, the practical impact and implications of this on the child's upbringing does.

[OlderAndWiser]

My father was an extremely flawed human being. He was unfaithful to my mother for most of the 35 years they were married, and he was not particularly discreet. He thought that his obligation as a father was to give his paycheck to my mother and, if he did that, he had fulfilled all of his duties as a father. He found excuses to stay away from home. After I left home, he and my mother were still together but I drifted away from him even more.

He remarried 8 days after he and my mother were divorced. He and the next woman he cheated on moved to Maine (I'm in Florida) so I saw him infrequently. I gradually developed a little bit of a relationship with him, especially after he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning in his hospital room and I was there again on December 30 when he took his last breath.

I did not cry one tear at his funeral.

I don't think it matters much what label you place on situations such as these. The fact is that my life would have been different, maybe significantly different, if I had a real father in my life when I was a child.

[midnightmoon05]

Sorry to hear. I don’t know what to say, hard for me to understand modern day family structure or lack of.
my mom and dad - can’t say they are perfect but they have always care and keep family together for a better future.
my daddy had a lot of childhood trauma, we children learned to love him in his way as best we can and we thank him for what he provided for us to give us the life he did.
We all take turn caring for him now that he is older...
I learned about daddy/mommy issues on gag.

[hahahmm]

Yes, it's a mommy/daddy issue even if you don't think it is. Lots of people have issues that are on a subconscious level... eventually you can overcome it. How you relate to men is going to be affected by your relationship with your dad.

As far as not building a relationship with parent (s): in my case I went overboard trying to build a relationship and got crapped on over & over again so I backed off. Then I was told that I was bad for not letting myself be used as a punching bag, in so many words. Oh well.

[AlexanderAnttila]

I don't have issues with mom nor dad. Well, of course my father being dead since 20 years back there are no issues to be had. You know what, I think I have big-sister issues. My relationship with her has always been unsure and strenuous, estranged at some times. The only time when we were truly close was when I was a toddler. Nowadays she texts every now and then and seems enthusiastic to "know me" again but I feel content, as you say, to not buddy up. She's very much stuck in the past and I don't need that.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Well, growing up my dad was verbally abusive towards me and my sister
we would be in the car and the slightest thing I would say he went off on me
and I got so scared of him and this went on for years, one time we went to
get ice cream we had the neighbor/ friend with us and I said about someone
on the car radio singing and he went off on me for no reason this happened
for many years and in my teen years the steel mills shut down and he claimed
he could not find work but my uncle offered to get him hired on the batteries
down at Clairton Steel Mill but my dad refused, we ended up on welfare and
food stamps I don't know how we paid the bills I was like 13 years old and
I remember coming home from school and he would be sick from drinking
and I would be trying to eat my supper and hearing him upchuck was horrible
my stomach muscles would tighten with fear now this is why I'm mentally ill
plus I had to deal with bullies in middle school

[R3DthatDude]

Yea I’m the same way. Everyone is effected differently, depending on how long and when your childhood they were absent, and if you had a substitute for that absent individual. the effects of an absent parent actually does impact us. It could effect you in ways you don’t even think of. For example maybe you hate the other gender now, or it can be more subtle like you don’t like receiving help from certain gender, or your bias towards certain people. Humans are interesting, we are more impressionable then we think. I say it all the time. The importance of parents in the lives of their children is so detrimental especially early on development. We are humans so we adapt and get better despite setbacks, but it can effect you.

[JoshMacDonald]

The only reason I don’t agree with you, is because it wasn’t his fault. He did nothing wrong yet deep down in a subconscious part of you it seems you still hold it against him. I’ve known many people who didn’t know their father and generally they don’t because it’s their father’s fault. Like he cheated or something along those lines. However, here’s a man that didn’t do anything wrong actually wanted to get to know you and you won’t let him. You say you don’t care, and it would make more sense if you didn’t care either way. Like getting to know him or not you didn’t care. However, you don’t care to know him, that speaks of blame.

[Uptowngirl88]

Why don't you care for your father?

My story is different. After my mom and dad divorced when I was 7 my dad contacted me every once in a blue moon, never gave my mom money to care for me and my brother, would make promises but never kept them and was in and out of our life. We wanted a relationship with him but he wasn't consistent. Now he is trying to come back but I don't really care if I talk to him or not. I don't make an effort to reach out, I think he calls now because he doesn't really have anyone and he's getting older and got sick.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Since I was 15, I've only seen my father twice, once at my youngest sister's wedding (11 years ago) and my grandma's funeral years ago. My daughters have never met my father nor will they ever through me. If they chose to seek him out on their own, them being adults now, I couldn't stop them, but knowing what they do about that man, I doubt they would

[bulletbob555]

Read a book on psychology. Its theory was if you suffered or how ever you say it from the parents absence or problems of your interactions. It had something to do with if you loved them you would subconsciously become more like them. If you disliked them you ended up vowing to never to be like tnem

[DanaeAdam5]

Your grandma sounds awful but I don't think that this really is daddy/mommy issues. Daddy or Mommy issues is when you search for someone to give you all the love and attention that you missed during your childhood.

[JosyJosy]

I don't think so, I mean, I always thought that like daddy issues would be if you're looking for someone to fill in that role of dad, where your real dad failed

[Agem123]

My parents got divorced when I was 14, but even when they were together I've never been close to my dad. I don't care much about him as an individual, but growing up without a "father figure" still affects me.

[lovedejj_xo]

Hmmm my father has been in another country all my life and I just found out he is pretty much dying ... I don’t talk to him at all so it’s hard for me to say. I have my issues but from him doubt it.

[douride2]

Your grandma sounds like a mean spirited woman. What she did to your parents was just nasty.

[pizzalovershouse]

can't really say usely most hate a parent for mean things they do

[Maspolomas]

I loved my dad but he spent 23 years of his and my life in prison so it was hard

[Chris_u006]

Not if you barely met the person. But, no matter who he is, he is still your father.

[AkshiJanjua]

I don't think you have daddy issues
But did you never wished for a father figure in your life?

[tallcuck]

How sad. This is how women destroy people... Daddy issues for life...

[MyBigMystery]

I don't think you know what the mammy or daddy issues mean do you?

[SavageGirl101]

Naw that’s not mommy or daddy issues

[msc545]

Do you have difficulty trusting others in general?

[KittyMilk]

You get it from your grandma

[Anonymous]

Who do you care to be around?

[bklynbadboy1]

Wow! That's crazy.

[Anonymous]

major daddy issues