@CassaBlancaI can't thank you enough for this amazing life lesson you shared with me. All of the things you said, one by one, happened to me to the point I finally realized, even still loving the so called friend so much, that he didn't know what love was.I felt constantly less, I used to seek attention and do anything to help. I considered this person my best friend until being told bluntly I wasn't. I lost someone in my family very recently and not even a phone call I got. When I shared my hurting, the friendship ended and I found myself totally and easily left alone in a second. I dont regret my past. But I don't want my future to be miserable. Never again.
I am sorry you're going though this. Truly. Its painful. its messy. We're discussing something serious but I also want to chuckle a little because I deliberately kept the gender of my friend out of this. But my friend was male too. I am at least 90% convinced that being male had a role in his lack of emotional tact. I was writing from a place of hurt earlier, now I'll tell you how I processed it. I realized that that the more he pulled away the more I wanted to connect and maybe my attempts at connecting were too much for someone who had other priorities, I wanted the same attentiveness! I'll give you that and I think I went about it the wrong way.Then I had to ask myself tough questions, had my behaviour altered with respect to a male friend vs female friend. I had to ask if I had feelings that were more than friendship. I had to ask myself if my emotions and me just being me was a lot for him and if I had been really feeling seen in this relationship or if I had been stuffing myself in a box to unconsciously mould myself into being someone he could like.
Those were tough! You see, I had friends before who I had invested in and had my heart broken. So maybe I tried to hold on too much to this one. Maybe they were feelings that maybe, someday friendship could turn to love, that's the worst! its a hot mess. And not fair to him at all. I asked myself if I was demanding time that a girlfriend or wife would. That wasn't my place. It made me recoil and stop myself from holding on to this maybe situation but I was honest with myself and it was freeing and allowed me to do what is healthy for me.
I mentally drew a line in the sand like an emotional middle ground. I promised myself that I would stop right there and not "intrude" into the space I wasn't wanted in.It's tough but I didn't have anger in me at this point because people can choose who they want in their life and I wanted to be chosen freely. I didn't want to be around friends or people who had drifted apart and had other things in life that made them happier and I wanted that for them. For them to be happy. Anger left before hurt, so allowed me to do this. When I was not met in this emotional middle ground it became clear to me that he really was an absent friend. I didn't want to hold on anymore. Essentially it felt like an emotional break up, ill be honest. I had to shut the door hard on this relationship after that. I sent a last text. I knew it was a gentle good bye. Not in words no. I didn't want to seek that kind of attention. I didn't want to tell him good bye and sit unconciously thinking the phone will ring or text will come in. No. It was a goodbye that my heart had to know was final. I had to be honest and say no more.Zero texts and calls after that. No taking his call when he felt like calling out of the blue because no I was not okay and I needed to heal. No more slow steps. Because truth is, honey, men fight for the women they want. I was just a friend. Male friendships with other males works differently I'm sure. Unless they're gay I guess.I look back and see what a terrible match we would have made in friendship and in a relationship. I thank god I didn't hold on to displaced emotions in my heart. I demoted him to the role of friend and he couldnt even show up in that role. I walked away and I'm happier for it.
The actions.. somehow they prove our instincts right. Thank you sweetie!💋
👍👍 and thanks for mh
Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions
This is a great answer!
They might lie to avoid conflicts
True but it’s more direct than just assuming