How should I establish independence from my controlling mom without her being bitter?

Anonymous
My mom is controlling. I want to reach a point where we have a normal, healthy mother-son relationship, where I have independence, and she isn't bitter about it. I'm really not sure how to do that.

I need to give backstory so that this makes sense, so strap in.

Important note: my dad is in the picture, as well as a sister 2 years younger. My sister feels like my mom is controlling, while my dad just kind of concedes to what she wants.

It seems like she wants to be decision-maker for so many things in my life. I had a traumatic brain injury when I was 16 and was very dependant, because I was so messed up. Since my mom is a nurse practitioner, it was a nice setup for her to handle my medical records. I'm 22 now and she's still trying to handle all my medical records as though I'm a child. We argued about it today. While she says "sure, handle your own medical records and doctor's appointments," there's a very bitter spirit behind it.

Epilepsy complications have made it so that I can't drive right now, so It's difficult to really flex my independence in that way.

I'm in my last semester of college and want to save up money to go to law school, so moving out and spending money on rent doesn't seem like a great decision.

I'd like to open a formal conversation with her about how she needs to respect my decisions and have higher expectations of me to make and handle my own mistakes, like most adults do. However, I'm afraid that she will perceive it as me attacking her in a way, causing a big rift in the relationship.

So the goal is to have a relationship like most moms will have with their adult sons, without hard feelings being remaining at future thanksgivings and Christmases with the family.

How have you or some guy you've known become independent from your parents without destroying your relationship with them? What do you you think that I should do for my situation?
How should I establish independence from my controlling mom without her being bitter?
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