Would you allow a sibling to stay with you while they find a place to live?

[Anonymous]

And one who relocated to another coast at that.. he went through a very rough patch back in January being in rehab and he went Mia. He’s doing good now and working, but living with my parents & it’s not a good environment.. however…my apt is small, and my teen has the bedroom & I have the living room. I live in a metro area so finding your own place at a decent price isn’t easy. I told him I would think about it, and how there’s really no room.. texted saying I’ll pay half the rent. Gos knows how long that would take here. He’s family, but I had a boyfriend live here for almost 2 years and when I finally got him out I felt relieved. I know he wants to be on his own again, but I am really anxious about it. If he couldn’t find a place to live then I’m stuck.

[BullShark]

Not sure how it works in the Western world but out here in central to south-central Asia where I'm from, your relationship with your siblings and other family members doesn't end once you're into adulthood.

In fact for the most part, we don't even move out of the house either and continue living with our parents, and before anyone goes down and comments something like "ughh you guys still prefer living with your parents?" lemme elaborate. There's a difference between living with your parents and leeching off of them, and living with your parents and being financially independent. Retirement homes aren't a thing where I live so naturally when your old parents retire because of old age or some ailment which limits their motor functions, why not just let them live with you? They raised you into what you are today so it's only natural for you to want to support them in the few years they have left in this world and give them the comfort of a safe home with good food and your company. Of course, you're always welcome to move out if you want your own personal space, but we still stay in touch with our brothers and sisters and parents even after reaching into adulthood, so the relationship doesn't change.

Same goes for our siblings, especially with brothers. Now the women will naturally move out after getting married, obviously, but if her husband allows it, his wife's brother is allowed to crash at their place for a couple weeks or even months if need be. And vice versa, if your sister is in need of a place to crash, you can let her stay at your place. As for brothers, as it is with parents, unless the brothers would like a personal space of their own, there's a common culture here of expanded family systems here too, where if the house is big enough, the brothers and their respective families can all live together under one roof, share the expenses and chores of the house equally and the kids can grow up with their cousins and become best friends from the get go. But on the flipside, this can also go south real fast if the wives, kids or brothers themselves don't get along

[boredgal]

This is so true. Walang issue talaga sa atin yan mga pinoy.

[BullShark]

@boredgal haha wala naman talagang issue sa atin mga Pakistani din

[nachosaresexy]

Sounds like this: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/you_can_count_on_me

But I mean, that's tough, family is family but you're also grown adults with your own stuff to deal with. I'd encourage to you at least strongly consider it, but ultimately it's a big decision you'll have to make. Good luck yo!

[Asker]

Thanks, it’s a tough decision. I told him to start looking for a job & take it from there. I’m going on vacay next week to de-stress with my son & friends so I’m not making any decisions right now. But my friend suggested he make appts for interviews & come out for a week going on appts. That sounds realistic.

[nachosaresexy]

That movie I linked to is so good you might even consider watching it to see if it stirs up any emotions/inspiration about how to handle your situation.

It's not a 'feel-good' movie... more like real life that hits the highs & lows.

[Asker]

Thanks I don’t recall if I saw it, but I’ll check it out

[Anonymous]

To be honest, I don't think you have the room. If you already feel cramped and are living in the living room, where is he going to sleep and exist in the space especially if you think worst case scenario, it may be months or maybe even a year before he finds another place. I think you would better serve each other if you can instead offer to help him look for a place of his own, and barring that, help him try and find a roommate situation until he can get his own place on his own. I know it's often difficult to be like " you can't stay here," but if you're going to start having flashbacks of the misery of your past boyfriend taking up space, it's best you make the hard decision now to just help him in other ways other than to lend him a living space.

[TransAm85]

My little brother I let stay w/me sometimes if he needs to, but my older brother, no way. My older brother is a 49 yr old heroin addict. He's called me several times asking for help and a place to crash. 5 years ago he came over for Christmas and he complained about some things I had of our Grandma's. She passed away in '14, but she left most of her material things to me. I know if he would've had any of her things, he would've just sold them on the streets. I think you should worry more about your daughter's well being. Drug addicts can change, but it takes time.

[Kori1236]

Sounds like a tough decision. And a space issue, if you already live in a one bedroom where you’re forced to take the livingroom instead of having your own space adding your brother into the mix isn’t a good idea. You could look for a basement suite or main floor if those are options where you are to rent and then reconsider having your brother. He also comes with baggage and his own issues you have to consider having around your child. Is he in a good place mentally, is he still sober, is there a chance he’ll relapse. I think it comes down to how close you are to him. Your child’s input is also valid and important.


If it’s a temporary situation I would consider it, but I would also be a little iffy just because my space is being invaded. You could draw up a contract that states it’s temporary; and help him find a place.

[hahahmm]

Your number one responsibility is to your kid. You shouldn't do anything that puts your kid's housing situation at risk so I'd say, 'nope' to the brother. It's not your problem that he's gotten himself into an uncomfortable situation. It's not like he's a helpless 5 year old you know. He won't die if he stays with your parents.

And even if he wasn't into drugs & still hadn't proven he's out of that 100% I would reject him if he was the type to bring drama or a thief... or suspected pedo or someone with dangerous friends (like say street drug dealers). There's a long list of reasons not to let someone live with you.

IF you decide to ignore my advice, make sure you get a rental agreement in writing and that it's only month to month not a year long thing.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

If it was me, yes, this situation has already happened unfortunately. There wasn't much space or money but it worked well enough until the situation got resolved. It's not a nice place to be in for anyone, I hope you'll manage however way this goes.

[Anonymous]

You must be a Psychopath for Thinking like thAt.
Help the boy out
Or should I just Track him down and Kill him?
😆 Just kidding not gonna do that
But seriously don’t be a psychopath
Let him live with you
How would you like to sleep outside in the cold and heat and shit?
Should I come to your house and Burn your house to the ground and Destroy you Socially and make you be homeless so you know how the boy feels?
Not actually going do that but yeah
What you gonna do be a psychopath or A Good person that cares about the boy?
If you don’t let him live with you Then I’ll be forced to call Child division and file a police report on you. Again I’m kidding but don’t be a jerk let him live with you he could end up killing himself because of being homeless.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

If my brother needs me for any reason, I'm there in any way I can be. Doesn't matter if it's money, a conversation or a roof over his head. Anything that happens to him is at least as good as something that happens to me.

Even if my cousins needed a place to stay for a while. I move mountains for my family. Even if we're not on good terms, we'll sort that shit after you're taken care of.

What kind of a loser doesn't care about family?

[KelleyNice]

If I was older and that situation occurred, it would depend. Most of my close relatives are responsible people that I can trust not to impose more than a few day. One relative, probably wouldn't leave unless force to and after a couple of days would act as a co-owner or worse. I would pay for a night at Motel 6 and look for a homeless shelter I could drop his off at the next day and after that, I wouldn't answer.

[MissingAWoman]

I read your profile. You are an awesome girl and the type I want. Sadly, you are too young for me.

[KelleyNice]

@MissingAWoman I'm growing older day by day

[MissingAWoman]

Yeah, but you are sadly still too young. Give it several years, don't fall in love in the meantime, and maybe reach out to me later.

[shaysh87]

you and your daughter share a bedroom and he gets the living room. its doable, you just dont want to do it. He will pay half the rent and part of the rent money should go to your daughter. Your daughter will likely not agree with this unless she has something to gain. If you help others, other people will help you when you need help. Help is hard to find in this world. Don't be an asshole.

[snackthatsmilesback]

I want to say yes but honestly, right now we don't have room. In an emergency situation she could stay the night, of course—maybe even a week—but we would be looking into friends of friends and even shelters at that point. I hope I never have to choose on leaving my sister homeless, but having her stay long-term would cause an unfair and unsafe amount of stress on my household.

If you can't, you just can't. Unfortunately being family doesn't give you superpowers.

[libsaretards]

I would not take him in if I were you. From the sound of your post, it would be difficult to accommodate him. Also, if he is fresh out of rehab then he has a high chance of relapsing and it is incredibly difficult and costly to evict someone once they establish residency. It would also sour your relationship with him. One of the 12 steps of recovery is relapsing and getting back on track.

[Anonymous]

I think give him a chance if he is in his 30s or 40s he also wants to live alone too I’m sure it’s a struggle for him considering his age
maybe help him with a deadline. Be like 3 months and that’s it smth like this to push him find a job and move out..

[Anonymous]

My brother is my blood and only family (when my parents pass, he will be the only thing I have). To me, my brother is and will always be first. My partner knows this and understands my reasons. If he was to ever ask me for help or to stay with me while he finds a new place, I won’t hesitate to give him my help (but that is a very unlikely thing to happen).

[Staximus]

Family or not, you have to protect your kid. I think he needs to show that he can stay off drugs, be responsible, save up money and get his own place or rent a room where he can afford it. There's no room in your apt. It's time for him to do something for himself, and not depend on other people to be an easy way out. He can't always take the easy way out, time to beat man and stand on his own 2 feet, no more excuses.

[Staximus]

He's already got a place to stay and he can't pay rent with no job. He needs to get a job where he's at now and save up money

[Anonymous]

I'm a firm believer that you should help out family anytime you can. Especially if times are desperate. You only get one family in this world. I've had my dad live with me at one point. My sister and her boyfriend. My brother and his girlfriend. And most recently my youngest sister and her husband. In all of those situations I never asked for money. The amount of time varied from a few months all the way up to 2 years.

[irmaavila301]

I say yes as long as he is helping out around the house, cleaning up after himself and looking for a job and improving his life not sitting around all day like a bum. Sometimes people hit rock bottom and family is their only support.

[Hrumf]

If you get along with your sibling for the most part and the relationship is healthy, why not?


I would also help out in finding a place and reach out to people I know that may know something about apartments/homes.

[hotwife98]

I think you should try your best to help him in this time. You don't want him to fall back on the wagon. He seems like he is being reasonable and he won't take you for granted.

[TDDMS]

Considering my sister is a full fledged psychopath, then no I wouldn't let her stay with me. However, I would inform the authorities and victims where she was at and give them here contact information.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Damn. That's sad

[Chazmatazz269]

I would. But i’d set a hard deadline to be certain he’s motivated to get out ASAP. Also, know your local squatter’s rights, if you think he might become difficult.

[BoobMan]

I'd do it, but I'd read him the fucking riot act beforehand--especially if he's showing up fresh out of rehab. Any fuck up at all and he'd be out on his ass. Not interested in importing someone else's bullshit.

[Massageman]

Well, close. Our daughter and her three kids stayed with us for nearly 8 weeks after they sold their home in under 4 hours, had a quick closing, and needed a place to crash before their year-long lease started on their townhome in the Smokies.