Why did my boyfriend get so defensive when I asked something?

My boyfriend had his phone open so we both looked at it together and I asked him why he only had two text messages on his phone. Then it escalated and he got really angry. He also called me a stupid bitch cunt for being so insecure and I was only wondering why he got so defensive and yell at me instead of explaining to me. Even though he did tell me that his Nextel phone deletes them and he deletes them too, why did he get so mad? It's like he is hiding something then to make it worse he brought up something I did when we were broken up in the past and then he said it was over and I said fine and I was about to leave and then he wouldn't let me leave.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Who cares WHY he got so angry ? It's the fact that he called you such horrible names ! If his temper is THIS violent NOW, don't expect it to get better. It's going to get progressively worse, eventually ending in physical violence and emotional abuse; not just verbal. Believe me: I know.

    Tell this SOB to get the hell out of your life. Oh, and just HOW did he keep you from leaving ?!? Sounds like a control freak. If he threatened you, go to the police and make a statement. That's not the same as pressing charges. You just want it documented with them IN CASE he tries to stalk you. You'll have a precedent. Make SURE you get a copy and keep it in a safe place so he won't find it (Parents' house, sibling's house, etc.) if he were to somehow get in your house. If he threatened to commit suicide, that's not your problem. You can report that too, if you want. If you were to give in to that threat (and it is just that: A THREAT), he'd have you under his thumb for all eternity. Well, it would FEEL like it anyway.

    Also, it sounds like you busted him on something and he got all defensive. What if you'd done something to REALLY make him mad ? I'm scared FOR you. Been there. Done that.

    Plus, it sounds like he doesn't "fight" fair. If you are in an argument, you don't re-hash old wounds. People only do that when they are losing an argument. Sounds even more like you really struck a nerve. (Good for you for being so intuitive !)

    Bottom line: Get some self-respect. Don't be the doormat he uses to wipe the $#!+ from his shoes. You deserve WAY better.

    Don't waste another minute with him. If you can break it off tonight, I would HIGHLY suggest making a clean break. MAKE SURE you let someone know what you're doing and where you'll be. DO NOT let him talk you into getting into a vehicle with him. Preferably, break up in a PUBLIC place; have a friend (or two or three) drive with you there and wait for you in the car. Safety in numbers, Chick.

    Good luck. Let us know as an addition to your post (OR in the comments) how things went.


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What Guys Said 2

  • If you caught me in that situation, 1) I would have never reacted in the way he did 2) I would have just said I deleted my messages 3) You would have already met anyone who would be sending me messages so that there would be nothing to hide 4) you're suppose to learn from the past not bring it up to harm others, and put them down.

    He didn't think before he acted. But what he did think was: He yelled at you as to intimidate you into not looking or asking questions about his phone. Completely unnecessary over the messages being deleted. Now, How do you think he would act if his best friend and not his girlfriend, asked him the same question. I think there would be a different outcome with his response. Now he may have nothing at all to hide (we are all innocent, until proven guilty), but he should have a h*ll of a lot more respect.

  • You didn't explain how it escalated...but, if it jumped from your question to his anger, then he's hiding something. The name calling...kick his ass to the curb!!

    • Thanks for the comment it escalated him just yelling at me for looking at his phone turns out he was hiding something. Sat night some girl called that I never met and I didn't know he talked to and she said he said that we were broken I then broke up with him.

What Girls Said 1

  • First off, THE NAME CALLING IS THE PROBLEM.. Girl, don't let a punk call you these names. Who cares if he gets defensive about a couple of messages. You should have kicked his ass. Then to bring up the past, then won't LET you leave??? He has serious issues. You are better off without this real winner...