Family Treats Me Like an Outsider

I really don't know how else to explain this. My family seems to resent me for being slightly successful. I am hard working, a single mom who is committed to my daughter. I moved away from home but try to visit a few times a month. Actually the drive is a lot. I am over 40 and don't have a boyfriend nearby, very active in my church and do a lot to support the church.

Tonight it really hit me that I am slightly despised by my own immediate family. They seem to pretend to like me or tolerate me . I used to really bend over backwards to please them to the extent of marrying a guy who is no good but they expected me to marry because he is the father of my child. Now over 5 years later he does not pay child support of visit our child. It got to the point where she does not want to see him. They blame me for that too.

They tell me that I should negotiate with him to help him out with the childcare arrears he owes , nearly 30 grand. I pay for everything and have never taken him to court for money but he's taken me to court for not allowing him to see our daughter although each time after he would not call regularly and only wanted to discuss trying to hook up with me. We have been divorced over 5 years. The relationship was abusive, my parents know that too.

There are two sides to every story, I knew he had a bad temper I knew I needed stability and he didn't seem very stable yet I married him because everyone suggested it was the right thing to do instead of just living together as we had been doing after our daughter was born. After she was born I still did most of the work and cared for her because he wouldn't. He didn't hold a job long either and complained so much when he did work that I'd tell him to just leave.

He had no drive or ambition of his own and that drained me. I eventually lost my job running late after long evening of arguments that led to fight. He'd disappear late at night and return in the morning right before or after my shift started and I'd have to wait until he go back before I could leave our baby.

I guess all that just came pouring out because I began talking to God about it out loud and my computer screen came up and it was here where I'd left it..

I made a wise decision to get divorced after he'd done a few things and abandoned us to "go find work" after I'd lost my job. During that time I seldom knew where he was or when he'd return.

I am telling you that so you know why I chose to divorce, yet my family still tries to say things like I am being bitter...I am not, I have tried to work with him and forgave him a long time ago but I simply do not and cannot trust him.

I don't know what else to do with my family so I am starting to just live my life a little apart from them. Going home once or twice a month instead of every weekend.

There are things about my hometown that I miss but my family reminds me that I am not the young woman who left there 20 years ago.

I don't understand why they treat me this way.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you've made the right choice to visit them less often if they treat you this way... that's so sad to hear.

    • Thank you for the confirmation. I love them and I show it with my actions but I think they got it wrong with the way the treat me. The truth is slowly coming to light regarding the x too. This really isn't about him though. I have a great life here and I think its time they acknowledge I am a responsible woman with a good head on her shoulder. If not I will remain where I am appreciated.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • F*** what is best for you..can always talk to me if you wish...>:(

    • Hey there , I recognize the little angry face don't be upset. I have a beautiful daughter and a Blessed life here. It breaks my heart but mostly I'm okay, just had to get it out tonight. Thanks for listening. I appreciate you

    • I would NEVER trust my family..don't really trust my in-laws either..I trust my friends more than I trust family..either one of them..yes I know that everyone is not that way...but I also know that a lot of the people on this site are younger and do not yet realize how bad family can be...and friends cannot be there for you either...after all..they take spouses, mortgages and have children

What Girls Said 1

  • Some decisions aren't easy to make. I applaud you for doing what's right for you and your daughter. Your family isn't looking at the whole picture like you are.

    I always say its easy for the outside to judge until they go through our experiences.

    Keep doing what's right for you and your daughter.

    If your very concerned about how your family is treating you, voice your opinions to them. Hopefully that will change something. If not, you have to accept things the way that they are.

    • Thank You very much. I'd waited years to voice my opinion but have often been accused of holding a grudge against him. I haven't told them about how I feel, it just seems so shameful to have to admit. Sad to me that anyone should have to request acceptance from their family. Especially when they didn't do anything wrong. Honestly I think being a woman and independent is the main problem my family has with me. I don't ask for much. I just try to keep the peace. This wknd my parents barely spoke 2 me

    • Im sorry to hear this. It sounds kind of backwards to me that your parents would dislike you because you are independent. If you weren't that way and were dependent on other people, I could def. understand it. Just keep doing what's right for you <333