I Don’t Want to Be Called Beautiful!

[Anonymous]

I prefer to not hear compliments about my looks from anyone, including my partner. I don’t speak for all girls. I’m just sharing my perspective and I hope it helps other girls.

I don’t find myself beautiful

When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a beautiful person. I’m very realistic about where I stand and I don’t exactly feel completely comfortable with it, but it’s just the way it is. No, I don’t lack confidence or self-esteem. I just don’t need to hear nice things I don’t agree with just to feel better about myself. I don’t want to hear nice lies just to cover the truth because it all doesn’t sound genuine to me.

Truth in a dictionary

I’m not conventionally pretty

It’s just that I don’t look like a model or one of the pretty popular girls. I know I would need to get tons of plastic surgery just to look like the idealistic woman. I’m average looking just like most people. That doesn’t mean I’ll be single forever because it’s very obvious that most average looking people do end up with someone. The only thing that’s important in a relationship is being sexually and romantically attracted to each other. I don’t get the obsession or the point of wanting your partner to think that you’re beautiful on an objective standard.

Bell Curve…

It’s a shallow compliment

The way I look shouldn’t be the most important thing about me. I barely have any control over my genes. I’d rather be complimented on things that are inside my control.

[CherryRoseChampange]

I don't know, I see your point and to each their own but I don't think being called beautiful is a shallow compliment. Not from the right person it's not. It doesn't always mean the outside, it also means the inside in a lot of cases. And being beautiful on the outside doesn't mean looking like a model or being average. You, in my opinion, should like the way you look and think it's okay for someone to like the way you look. It comes with self-love, knowing your value, and having confidence. But if that's how you feel then I salute you for sharing. Have a good day.

[Lovvyyy]

I undersatnd part 1 and 2, but not part 3.
What's wrong with being complimented for the way you are born?
If something, it means that you naturally "superior".
It's not like if someone likes you for the way you look, it means that they don't like you for the way you are.
Honestly if I found out my ex didn't think me to be good looking, I would have dumped him for my own and his sake.

[myTake Owner]

Because I don’t agree with it. If you don’t agree with something somebody says, doesn't mean that you find something wrong with it? I find so many things wrong with compliments I don’t agree with. I don’t want others to tell me I’m naturally ”superior” because it’s not something that would personally make me feel better about myself.

[AD240pCharlie]

"The way I look shouldn’t be the most important thing about me."
Someone complimenting you on your looks doesn't mean that they think that your looks are what matters the most. Should people only compliment you on what you think is the most important thing about you? Then you won't get many compliments...

[myTake Owner]

I don’t expect people to compliment me at all and if they compliment me it doesn’t have to be on what I think is most important. It’s not that hard to compliment someone on what they do.

[ryancg]

Wait a minute, are you actually complaining about being complimented? That kind of makes you sound like an asshole. Like "Oh man, I hate that people are just so nice to me for no reason at all, the struggle is real."

[myTake Owner]

It’s not my fault I don’t like hearing lies. That does meant make me an asshole and I don’t consider this a “struggle”

[ryancg]

How do you know it's a lie? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you've surely heard that before, well it's true. It means that you don't get to decide what other people's definitions of beauty are. And if you have a problem with people complimenting your appearance, then I'm sorry, but you also don't get to decide what other people like about you. Thinking you can just pick and choose other people's preferences and deeming their words lies if you don't agree with them, that's what would make you an asshole. Unless you're suggesting you can read people's minds and so you do in fact know what they truly think, in which case might I suggest Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters?

[dieharder2k]

I have red hair and growing up I got a lot of cold shoulders from girls and I had no clear indication why. I always had a suspicion that while I did have a baby face making me look really young, the Red hair was just not as attractive to most girls. However some girls like threw themselves at me and said I was gorgeous with the Red hair. The problem was there was never some like sign above their head saying Likes Red heads, dislikes red heads. I basically just ended up with poor self esteem because I mostly didn't get great results. The thing I've come to realize is that there are SOOO many attraction preferences and I am just not some girls type. However to some I am Perfectly their type and they think I am a 10. The only rating that matters is the girl/guy that actually digs the look and style and personality YOU already are. Just because you don't believe it doesn't mean they are lying because you might dig you over a girl model etc. Being mean when they are nice is unattractive.

[Anonymous]

1) No one cares if you don't see yourself that way. Humans are a primarily visual species, and we see and judge each other. If I say you are beautiful, it is because that is how *I* see you, and no one has the ability, or really even the right, to opt out of being seen by other people, and those other people forming opinions on what they see.

2) So what? Not "conventionally" attractive does not mean not attractive. The fact that you think the compliment means nothing unless you are in the top 1% of humanity says a lot about your low self worth. If I see a girl and think she is pretty, why isn't that good enough? The fact that you see being pretty as pointless unless you are in the upper echelon of attractive people says a tragic amount about how you see every other woman as competition.
If I see a woman who is a 7/10, and a woman who is a 9/10, I can still find them both attractive, still desire both... and in some situations, even if I find the 9 to be objectively better looking, find myself more attracted to the 7.
But one girl who I never find attractive?
The girl who is an 8.5/10, who thinks she might as well be a 1 because she isn't a 10, who waffles between hating all women who are 8.6/10 and up for being better than her at some points, to arguing that physical beauty is meaningless at other points.

3) Despite the years of schooling needed to be a doctor or lawyer, the fact is, not everyone could do it. In fact, most could never do it. A certain, raw intellect is needed.
Whether it is beauty, or IQ, or athletic prowess, or many other things, while we do have the capacity to control what we do with the gifts we're given, the fact is, our ability is still dependent on that gift.
My point being, you could dress like a homeless person, and your beauty is meaningless, lost under layers of tattered, stained clothing, dirt and filth, etc. Of you can bath and wear your hair nicely and pick clothing that flatters you.
Someone with a high intellect can drop out of school and end up flipping burgers, or become a specialized doctor.
My point is, intellect, like beauty, is something beyond your control. Should high achievers brush off compliments?

Your point is silly, and speaks to sad levels of self loathing akin to an anorexic's, refusing to believe what others say, while, almost proudly, proclaiming yourself as not good enough, and a misplaced sense of self importance where you think you have the right to dictate how people perceive you.

[TomasLyy]

Well said, well said indeed

[EpicDweeb]

I find this mildly insulting to those of us who consider it a matter of being polite and sincere to say that compliments are lies. Beauty is 100% subjective and I DO MEAN 100%... If someone calls you beautiful that is high praise. If they call you hot or sexy they're only referring to your body, but beauty is a whole other ballgame. Beauty refers to the way in which you carry yourself. It refers to your mannerisms, your personality, etc. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as the saying goes, and beauty is more than skin deep. Both of these sayings are true. Yes I would find compliments of "attractive," "sexy," and "hot," a bit insulting but beauty does not refer to how attractive you are. It refers to how beautiful you are. I know that might not make sense but there is a very distinct difference though it is a difficult one to describe.

When it comes down to it I take issue fundementally with the notion that "beauty" or being called beautiful is limited to looks. Of course your appearance doesn't define you, but the thing about beauty is that it doesn't conform to convention and it is more than just your looks. At the very least, this is how I've always seen it. Beauty is independent of how attractive you are. Whether people see it or not it's sort of subjectively objective if that makes sense. To a person that considers you beautiful... you are ALWAYS beautiful. Regardless of your appearance or of trends you will always be beautiful to one who considers you beautiful.

[dantetheexplorer]

Awesome! That's what I've always espoused. Conventionally attractive people simply won the genetic lottery - they did not work hard for their good looks - they got it from their parents. Why do they deserve praise for something they did not have to work hard for? Just like your height, or the color of your eyes, or your natural hair color, etc.

Someone who's worked hard to get to where they are, or who has dedicated years to the honing of their craft, who has mastered this or that and is the best in their field - now THAT's deserving of praise.

Keep it up!

[azzntittiz]

You are a very intelligent and rational girl, this is what will make you happier than most people. My confidence doesn't come from my look and that's what most people who know me do not understand, I have already worked out that there will be others that is prettier, smarter and more gifted, so I just wanted to be my best self but in a world where people find reasons to be unhappy, they will never let you be because they need company in misery.

I don't mind hearing my partner call me pretty though, when I hear it from others I have to force myself to say thanks uncomfortably and then many times it leads to unwanted advances, so there's that.

[looneymalooney]

truth is that even your partner found you beautiful in the first place (maybe he did not say it) and that's why he approached. So you should break up with him because he was shallow at some point.
How dare he like your looks without knowing your IQ, your favourite hobbies, music, activities.

People, stop being butthurt. If someone compliments you, TAKE IT! You are the shallow one for rejecting what others see in you, just because you believe you are not worthy enough. Suit yourself, but this will only do one thing: drive them away from you and your sour behaviour and you will end up hating yourself even more. If that's what you want, then keep doing it.

[Soft4u]

You put it together and it sounds good, but it doesn't make much sense. How you see yourself and how others see you are so different sometime, it's good to hear someone else and how they see you.
Why would you consider a compliment to be shallow if it's coming from someone that truly adores you and has your best interest at heart?
I do agree in a relationship being romantically and sexually attracted to one another is important, but it all starts with how we look to one another, before the falling in love and sex is the initial attraction of how we look.
People that are genuine don't compliment you so you'll feel better about yourself that's ridiculous, they compliment you to show how they feel about how you look, everyone has an opinion it doesn't mean they're trying to make you feel better about yourself because of low self esteem.
I also agree it's great to be complimented on our accomplishments, but I disagree with just about everything else you wrote.

[JellyDonutguy96]

you're beautiful though

[Miristheiss]

That's fine to feel that way. Just remember, you don't get to control others so just because you don't want it that doesn't mean others still aren't going to tell you they find you beautiful.

If you own man finds you beautiful it is kind of annoying for a girl to tell him he's not allowed to say it. Good luck with that one, unless he's a pushover.

What you say is true. Pretty girls have done absolutely zero for get that. They are born programmed to look how they are going to look. She didn't reach some grand accomplishment to become pretty. She was born that way.

[dsfghgfsadh]

Well i think you are wrong because what guys find attractive is different from what girls find attractive. You said you can't control your genes right? Well guys can't control their genes either and they can't control how they feel.

males are genetically programmed to find females attractive, i can find a girl attractive even from a picture and or if i barely knew her and you are trying to say that i shouldn't because it isn't fair? I think you are wrong here and it's a bit shallow to even imply that.
I think you should look more if the person complimenting you is sincere and if he is then you should be happy that he appreciates this aspect of you as well

[Mrbrainsyck]

I have to agree with @damnman beauty is subjective. When I see women that I like there is a chemical reaction in my brain what releases dopamine so I'm happy to see them. I think it's that evolutionary process where if you didn't feel good about something you wouldn't keep coming back for it. Even the women I like now is incredibly plain looking, but its how she carry's herself that really makes her bewitching.

( I chose the word bewitching because I'm trying to describe beauty, but only through my eyes.)

[windknowsmyname]

Some of these women are like apple phone, take away what we love in the first place. No headphones jack, no home button, future, taking away charging port. for wireless port.
With them is can't show your emotions, can't take compliments, they want someone to get know them but judge others in 2 seconds. Uuuuugh! God why. Grateful and gratitude are traits that dying right now.

[RolandCuthbert]

The problem with your post is that people are not objectively beautiful. We are culturally programmed. That's why in other cultures, there are different standards of beauty. As the human race bleed over more and more, those cultural standards become less distinct. But where there is more isolation, you can still see divergence.

My ex did not fit conventional standards. I still think she was one of the most beautiful women I ever saw.

[AEther]

that mostly sounds like a damned healthy attitude to have, but for one point..
when a person falls in love, the subject of it really does appears more beautiful.
when a person looks at a photograph of a their partner (a thing that is nothing of you other than appearance) it stimulates the loveyness parts of the brain.

so, appearance isn't who you are, but it's part of what connects who you are to others, so don't resent that you have one.

that's my only note, but otherwise kudos.

[DamnMan]

"No, I don’t lack confidence or self-esteem."

I doubt that. Beauty doesn't come only from your external looks, but also, from your internal mindset.
A positive person 6 is more beautiful than a nasty ass 9. I mean how beautiful can someone be with a screwface all the time.

Beauty is a VERY subjective thing, so who is to say that you are NOT beautiful. No one. At the same time, no one has to say you are, but they do because they MUST see something good in you, rather than on you.

[luner_llama]

I agree with her, to some degree.
I am pretty confident in my looks, I think I satisfy average beauty standards but hearing that I an beautiful doenst flatter me.
I would rather be called "cute","understanding","nice" etc.. Just because I don't really care about looks and I don't find those "hot boys" hot unless I talk to them and find more about their personality.
Beautiful, sexy, hot isn't a big problem if said once a while but when someone calls me the most beautiful woman on earth I recommend eye test and brain scan.

[acooke-13]

You don't find compliments sincere because you're positive you aren't beautiful, right?
Well although I wouldn't consider myself beautiful or pretty, I do like compliments off my partner, but that's it, although I love the idea people think I am beautiful, I struggle to take compliments.

[Anonymous]

You sound insecure if you really just can't take a compliment because you believe that of yourself that you aren't beautiful. Even if you think you aren't people can still appreciate how you look and think you're genuinely pretty. Some girls have it truly badly and would love to hear a compliment about how they look. If anything, you're being slightly ungrateful by refusing to accept someone's nice gesture.

[msg812]

You may not find yourself beautiful. You may not be beautiful according to social standards but it doesn't mean your partner is a lier, if he calls you beautiful. I am Turk and i want to share a turkish saying. about this. Its English translation is like that. "Beautiful is the one who the heart loves"

[Anonymous]

The problem is telling when a girl LIKES a compliment and when she is nice about it cause she can't accept it.
I try to give a variety of compliments but the looking nice are just easy. Girls rarely show how, or if they are smart, or talented. While you can always compliment her looks, but only on occasion can you say to some girls you have a fun/great personality.

[Gwent]

unfortunate that you can't really take compliments like that. I understand it's not really you're fault, it's just that you react that way.
It's probably making it harder than it should. I like complimenting someone about their looks, because I mean it.

[JDavid25]

You sound more upset at compliments, and insecure than anything.. You say you ain't insecure, but this whole whole screams "insecurity".. I get the premise of what you were sayin, but I didn't exactly agree wit the execution..