Girls. Do you seek or become seeked?

I can't seem to get a girlfriend . I am annoyed by this because I am not a bad guy at all . In fact, I think I'm pretty good looking and I know for a fact that I treat the people I care about properly . Anyway, I have been seeking a girlfriend since I had this very bad break up, and for a while I have been sexually involved with this girl who still has no interest in dating despite all we've been through .

I am begining to give up on any hope of a relationship with her and I have started seeking out other people . This isn't new for me because I've been looking for nearly two years now . The problem I keep running into is that every time I make the first move, I meet some problem . I've heard everything from "God won't let me date" to "You disgust me," and yes, I've heard "let's just be friends . " The bottom line is: Seeking never works for me .

I have been told time and time again to wait for someone to come on to me first . The thing is, how can I tell if a girl is waiting for me to make the first move . It seems like at this rate I'll NEVER get a girlfriend because I'll always be waiting on the person who's waiting on me .

My question is: Girls, do you like to make the first move or do you wait for the guy to make his move ?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I know it's frustrating, but it does help to keep trying to initiate a relationship yourself . It's really brave of you to do so, and you are more likely to come across someone who will say 'yes' if you ask more people . The girls who told you things like 'God won't let me date' and 'You disgust me' are not only not the right person for you, but sound like they have some issues they need to work out on their own that really have little to do with you . (Yes, the 'disgust' girl has issues SHE needs to work out . How can you say that to someone and still feel that you are a human being ? What a horrible person . )

    In answer to your question, I usually wait for the guy to make his move . I'm rather shy and was pretty brutally rejected in the past, so I tend to wait for an obvious sign of interest before initiating any contact of my own . That way, I know he is actually interested in me before doing anything to embarrass myself . There have been exceptions though, when I was really smitten with a person who I thought would at least be kind to me if he wanted to say he wasn't interested . So, mostly I wait to be pursued . It's easier to figure out if he actually wants me that way . In return, if I am not interested in a guy who is seeking me, I try to be really nice about saying no and may offer help setting him up with someone else as consolation . Either way, I'm really flattered that someone would try, it shows a lot of courage and I feel wanted . Unless I have a current crush of my own though, I'd be willing to give a guy a chance if I thought we were at least somewhat compatible .

    • Yeah . That girl had some clear issues . :-\ I don't know if that was just her or if I just bring that out in people . Either way, it doesn't help me very much .

      I wish more girls would try to hook a guy up as a consolation instead of just being like "no, but don't worry, I'll let you know when I'm in a good relationship ! " Oh the frustration .

    • Seriously, it was probably just her . I still think that is such a cruel thing to say to anyone, doesn't matter how beautiful or important she is .

      Sometimes a guy who approaches me is a perfectly wonderful person, but I just don't see us as being compatible enough to pursue a relationship, but I might have a friend who would work better . I guess it's just mutually beneficial that way, heh . Maybe I just like matchmaking, it seems to make people happy . :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • I like guys to make the first move. However, there are things guys can watch for to know that a move is welcome. If a girl is looking or smiling at you, it's possible that she is interested. But if you wait to long to react to those signals by approaching her, then she may decide you're not interested and will find someone else to send signals to.

    Also, what a guy says and does when he makes the first move is important. If he immediately starts talking about how attractive I am or how much he wants a girlfriend, it scares me away. When you approach a girl, try to find something you have in common and talk about that. For instance, my boyfriend and I met when he asked me to teach me a couple's dance at a country bar. Then we got to talking about dancing and other related things. Don't approach the girl suggesting that you're wondering if she's the one for you, but rather approach her wondering what she's like; what makes her her.

    Good luck!

  • I would rather wait . :) Since if I like someone and get really shy and insecure about if he likes me back or not, then I would rather he confirms it and makes his move . If I was interested in a guy and waiting for him to make a move, I would hang out around him much more . However, if I know that he won't make the move, but likes me, then I will . Usually this does not happen as much . Don't worry about not finding someone, usually if you do, then you won't see who was in front of you the whole time . Usually meetings are accidental ! I mean, my boyfriend lived on the street behind my house . I've been living in front of him for 5 years, and we got together 2 years after ! I always tease that I've been in front of him the entire time . So don't worry about it too much and enjoy life, everything will fall into place .


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