I hate my small boobs!

Ok, so I have small boobs, and there's no way they'll grow naturally. I was an early bloomer, and I've been the same size since I was 11. I'm almost 21 already.

You see, I'm a slim pear shape, which means small boobs, small waist, wide hips, abundant thighs. I'm not overweight, but I feel I look fat, despite everyone saying I'm thin, but anyway. I feel like I look out of proportion.

To make things worse, I once asked my boyfriend if he likes big breasts better, and he said yes.He said he likes them big but not massive. I don't hide my breasts from him, and he seems to like them, but I can't forget about his preferring bigger boobs. That time he said Scarlett Johansson has the ideal pair. Hers are massive in my opinion.

Anyway, I've also always wanted bigger breasts myself, I just don't think small ones are attractive, especially when paired with wide hips. The problem is I'd never have surgery, one because of the risks, two because I don't have that kind of money and three because I want to be a teacher and what kind of role model would I be? What if I ever have a daughter? She'd have small breasts, probably, how would I explain what I did (if I got surgery)?

I know it's all about confidence and the inside, and sure my boyfriend loves me, but I can't shake off these feelings of inadequacy and envy, especially when we go out together and a lot of girls are flaunting their stuff. The other thing is, in my country, all guys are obsessed with big breasts - real or fake. So when we're around guys, they will all comment about girls with big breasts, or make jokes about small chested girls. To make things worse I have nothing to compensate it with, physically - my butt is not great, my legs aren't great, my face is plain and my hair is sparse. And anyway, sexually most of those things don't seem to be as important as breasts (in sex scenes in movies they usually focus on showing a woman's breasts, have you noticed?).

I don't know. I know I can't make them grow without having risky, expensive surgery (in my country, it isn't as easy to have surgery as it is in the US or Europe). Yet I can't seem to accept them or like them, because to me they're unattractive unless you have something else to compensate it with (which I don't have). Plus knowing my boyfriend prefers chesty girls makes me feel even uglier. I know he didn't tell me that to make me feel this way, but whenever I tell him about this hang up he says "it's just a preference, I love you, don't make such a big deal about breasts" he gets angry when I bring it up. I also seem to see everything as sexual - the other time we watched a play and there was this part when some girls got topless, whenever there's a busty singer or dancer exposing cleavage on TV I feel bad, even "artsy" pictures of topless, big breasted women make me feel bad. He said that's not normal, and that not everything's sexual.

I just hate my small boobs and don't think I'll ever like them. I just wish they were big.
I hate my small boobs!
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