What's turning them off?

I'm a senior in college, will be in grad school this fall. I'm very involved - debate club VP, campus newspaper writer, sorority VP, and I volunteer for a large political organization. My passion is writing. I've had articles published on web sites and I was an intern at a very famous publication last summer. I'm also into sailing, tennis and skiing. I listen to all types of music, love going to concerts and even go clubbing sometimes.

My style is very preppy. I don't do it intentionally, it's just me. I have polo shirts, pearl earrings, you get the idea.

I've had boyfriends before and I'm not unattractive. However, all the guys I've met recently seem to be turned off by my activities/wardrobe.

I don't want to change myself.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think most guys are going to think that because you are doing all these things when are you going to have any time for them. Relationships take commitment which it sounds like you have towards your activities but they also require time. People date and are in relationships to spend time with people they like. If you do not have much time to spend with a guy then he is not going to make a commitment. I doubt it has as much to do with your wardrobe as it does with your busy schedule. You may just have to make some personal choices on which is more important all of the activities or having some time spend with someone. Is it fair to someone else to be in a relationship with someone they never get to see? I have experienced this myself with someone I really liked. She had a very busy schedule with school and her own business. We only got to see each other on Saturday nights and an occasional weekday. As I thought about it I realized I really was not in much of a relationship. Only after we broke up did she realize I meant more than the 1 day a week she committed to what we had. I communicated this after about 2 months in the relationship about us never seeing each other and gave it another 4+ months for her to decide what she wanted. To me this was plenty of time for her to decide. I think as time goes by people realize what their personal priorities are and what is important in life. Myself I look at it this way. What good is money, a nice house, nice car good job which I do have these things if you have no one to share it with or tell them about it. You may not want to change yourself and you should not have to when it comes to being yourself but it does take 2 people for a relationship and relationships require compromise at times. You seem to be a smart person and know what you want to do in life I am sure you will figure it out.

    You may not like hearing these things but I am only being honest about looking at it from another persons point of view. I am trying to give you another way to see it and not trying to tell you that you are doing anything wrong.

    Best of luck.


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What Guys Said 2

  • They're probably too intimidated by your fine collection of activities. Sure, you've got quite the list... but let's take a look at what you just wrote. It sounded more like an activity involvement list for a college application or something impersonal. Guys love girls who are talented and involved, but there's a breaking point where a girl is too busy or she is just showing off. Perhaps guys perceive you as one of those, and think a serious relationship would be too much focus for you to donate.

    My best advice is to be humble about everything, even if you've been told something by everyone. You'll find someone who appreciates who you are, so don't worry about changing yourself.

    • Homestly, I don't go around telling guys my activities. They find out through Facebook usually, or from friends of mine. A friend of mine suggested that the reason I'm having no luck is because the guys I've been meeting are the types that attend keggers every night. I don't understand this because I like to party too.

    • Perhaps they aren't partying for the same reason as you. A keg is a keg, but the reason you're there is different for everyone. Or, quite bluntly, maybe you aren't as good-looking as you think. Just food for thought.

  • Good - you shouldn't need to be anything but who you are, and eventually a guy who isn't intimidated by your impressive list of activities and "preppy" wardrobe will take notice. I've also had the opposite sex back off when they find out I'm a writer, so I know how that can be sometimes. Just keep an open mind when it comes to meeting new people and you can even refer to your myriad of personal experiences as possible conversation topics too. Good luck!

    • My friends tell me I need an "ambitious" guy. I honestly don't know where to find a lot of guys like this.

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