Is it really all about looks? (question for guys)

So, I know that people say men are visual and everything, and I understand that. After all both sexes, male and female are attracted to people who are considered good looking. However, as much as I hear that, I see way too many couples where the guy is a lot better looking than the girl, and the girl is average looking to below average. I always admit it when someone's good looking but that's what I've noticed.

I know confidence plays a huge role in all this as well, but I'm not sure what guys are looking for in a girl. I have a friend who is REALLY popular with the guys, and she doesn't have what you'd call model looks, she's really short and is average looking overall, but she still gets a lot of shots with good looking guys.

I'm happy with how I look, I get complimented on my appearance and I know looks are not everything. I've been working on my confidence since my self esteem used to be down a whole lot, but I still don't get approached by guys. I try to be open and talkative and friendly and all that. Do you think I'm doing something wrong, maybe sending off the wrong vibe? How important are looks to you?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Looks are overrated. They matter at first, but after a while we stop caring about it so much. They're very good for making a first impression with a guy, but other than that, as long as we see the girl has a nice personality, and cares about us, we won't really care if she doesn't have all the qualities of the girl of our dreams.

    When I first met this one girl, I didn't think she was pretty. In fact, I actually thought she looked kind of weird. That doesn't stop me from talking to someone, though. What does stop me, is when the other person isn't trying, which is the case with most girls (especially the good-looking ones, who think they don't have to do anything else besides looking nice all the time). But not this girl - she actually tried talking to me. She showed an interest, and that caught my attention immediately. As time went by, I realized how beautiful she really is. These days, she is one of the prettiest girls I know.

    I can't say if it's because of the fact that we're really close friends right now or not, but all I can remember is that I didn't think she was pretty AT ALL when I first saw her, but now I would consider myself extremely lucky if I could get a girlfriend who looks like her.


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What Guys Said 3

  • You're right when you say confidence plays a role. The average guy is not confident enough to pursue girls that you could consider a "10". Most guys will psych themselves out and never even approach or say anything.

    Next comes age/experience. Typically as guys get older/more experienced they move on from the "looks" phase. Sure, they don't want an "ugly" girl, but they're also weighing other factors such as personality, lifestyle, family, career and goals. A pretty girl can be fun for arm candy but an absolute bore to spend the rest of the time with.

    Lastly, and perhaps most important is attitude. A girl's attitude can make a "7" more attractive than a "10". This is also similar to her confidence and body language. It probably explains why your friend has a lot of interest from guys.

  • Looks are not everything, even though we are visual. Looks are what draw us to you, but your personality is what makes us stay. That's not to say that you have to be a Maxim model for us to notice you. Every guy has his personal preferences, and what one guy finds attractive in a girl might no be attractive to another guy.

    Myself for example, I find the chicks in Maxim very hot, but when it comes to actually wanting to date a woman, I usually go for girls who are "cute" rather than "hot".

  • Solidranger said it all in one statement, "looks are what draw us to you, but your personality is what makes us stay." I seriously wish I could engrave that in granite on a national monument so all women could read it, because that is truth.


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