Did he ever really find me attractive?

I was seeing a guy for 2 months, after our first argument I confronted him about some things and he called me fat. It was obviously retaliatory, he later said he didn't find me fat, that he had said it out of hurt and is attracted to me. We recently broke up, it was a bitter breakup and he proceeded to call me every kind of fat name and use every kind of fat insult he could. Of course I fired back attacking him. Obviously, this was not a healthy "relationship" or whatever it was, I am not looking for advice about the guy, I don't want him back and will never see him again. I already know the guy is a major jerk so you wouldn't be telling me anything new there either. I am also not looking for sugar-coated responses, I want the plain simple truth. I am 5'5", an American size 16, I'm not sure if you men can picture that, I am overweight and battle with my weight up and down, but I wear it well (I have a nice rack and rear), I am not a slob who doesn't care what I look like and I do the best I can with what I've got, nice skin, nice hair, well put-together etc. When we got along he would always call me sexy, hot, said he liked my butt, and that he's always liked "shorter, heavier girls". So here's the deal, we were only intimate twice, and each time he was really weird about undressing. He would tell me to undress, he did not want to undress me, and while I was undressing he would hurriedly undress himself while I wasn't looking, he never wanted me to undress him and seemingly didn't want me to see him undress, and right after we were done he would hurry and put at least his boxers on, he did not want to remain nude. Most other men have wanted to touch and kiss every part of my body as they undressed me and wanted me to do the same. Did he just not want anything other than the actual act and didn't want to drag it out? Was he insecure about his own body (which wasn't perfect but whose is, and I always complimented him on his looks to reassure him)? Or did he just lack sexual prowess and technique? Was he just what would be considered "boring" in bed? While I pretended the insults he slung at me during our breakup didn't bother me, they are all still constantly ringing through my head, especially the FAT word. By the way that's ALL he said, FAT, never ugly or anything else. Do men actually spend time with women they aren't attracted to? Does his bedroom behavior describe a guy who just wanted a quick you-know-what and it wouldn't have mattered what I look like? I know it shouldn't bother me what anybody says, and that I have to love myself and blah, blah, blah, but I just need some guys' opinions on this. Also, let's just say he was always "happy" to see me, I don't know how else to say it, he was always the-opposite-of-soft and ready to go no matter where we were, he said it was because I turned him on so much. So, did he really think I was gross, or was he just trying to hurt me? And is he wondering if I meant the hurtful things I said in return?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Alot of questions here - lol - But I will do my best = )

    First off - The girl I have been with for over 5 years is about your size as well - She calls herself thick because like you said, she says she wears it well = ) I love her body personally but let me get to the point.

    I think the guy you were seeing wasn't attracted to you or care for you. If he did he wouldn't have said the harsh things that he did. He could say you were sexy when he was hard and ready to go but once the good got bad his true colors came out.

    You talked about him not wanting to undress you, I think that comes from him just not being attracted to you, I say that because I was once there. I liked what the girl was giving ya know but I did not find her attractive so when it came time for sex I could not get into that "love making" state of mind ya know. I could only get into that state of mind if I found her attractive, then I could undress her slowly and run my hands up and down her body, well you know what I'm saying.

    You also talked about him dressing fast afterwards and getting undressed quickly and trying not to let you see him. I would say you were right about that part, he was just insecure about his body, ya know maybe after sex he knew that his hard on was going to go soft and he didn't want you to see it cause he might have some issues with size or not be confident about it.

    Like I said though, if he loved or cared for you he would have treated you right mentally and would not have said those things and he would have showed you more attention in the bedroom. I think he was just with you because maybe you gave him that chance to get some and since him not being totally confident he normally doesn't get it that often ya know.

    I think I answered most of your questions, hope this helped with any doubts or thoughts you might have had.


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