Do guys pretend to not like a girl when the guy and girl have a mutual guy friend?

My co-worker and I, whom of which I have a crush on, have been very friendly (joking, teasing etc) at work for some time now. Well, one of his friends and I have also become friends. His friend will stop by my desk to say "hi" etc. I thought maybe this was a good sign that maybe my crush liked me too (maybe he told his friend etc.). However, it seems to have had an opposite effect. My crush keeps an eye on his friend and I when we talk. He is now also starting to ignore me. Not completely, but things have definitely changed. I have asked him and he says things are fine. He now acts super friendly to my friends, and will act aloof towards me in the same breath.

I basically told him that I felt like something was going on, and told him how other people around me have noticed it too. The next day he is acting nice again, sending me emails, saying hi, texting me... I stopped by his desk and everything seemed fine. Then our mutual friend stops by. All of a sudden his demeanor changes. He acted like I wasn't even there, and even rolled his eyes at me as if he was annoyed (I don't think he thought I noticed). So, I just left. His friend knows about my crush. Could he have told him and he really doesn't like me back? Some of the things he does makes me think he likes me, but maybe doesn't want his friend to know? But why? I'm so confused.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Both men and women behave in a similar manor; allow me to explain.

    This guy, your crush, was just being himself when he first met you.. He's probably an optimist that likes having a good time and casually flirting; there's nothing that screams relationship yet. So at this point you started falling for him until recently where he's been acting aloof.

    The problem he "suddenly changed" was that he noticed you started to like him; he probably didn't feel the same way and didn't want it to come across awkward by him saying: "I don't like you like I think you do" only to have you say: "What are you talking about?"

    - So here's a script dialog:

    *He flirts* - "Whoa jenn, it's like your trying to stare at my ass"

    *You respond* - "Omg I'm sorry, I was actually dazing off*

    *He responds* - "haha don't sweat it.." (Attraction fades)

    *You flirt* - "Oh! Haha... Well, you know you can be my stalker anytime"

    *He thinks* (She doesn't get it) *He responds* "Haha sure..."

    *You flirt again* - "See I knew you'd like it*

    etc etc etc

    That was overly exaggerated so that you would get the point. The point being that attraction is a "phase" of conversation; it's not the entire conversation or even part of it. It just happens randomly and without any timing at all. If the attraction is a hit, it will escalate appropriately if someone tries to escalate it; but if someone fades ("kills") the attraction, then it reverts back to a friendship. Trying to start attraction after being a friend has a 50/50 coin-toss-success-rate = Heads, you win his attraction again and get the ball rolling; Tails, you annoy him and push him further away.

    It's a difficult stepping stone at the moment, but if you revert back to just casual conversation and further avoiding MAKING flirting attempts, it should help you get him to speak with you again.. Just be respectful of who he is.

    ~ ArtistBBoy


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