How to fix my self esteem?

How to fix my self esteem?
This is me.

Quick Background: Bullied for years, used by guys, my family considers me to be fat and constantly bring up how lazy I am. I go to college full time (six classes) and work. I do no drugs and dont sleep around. I've constantly been treated like im less by others. I've always felt like an outsider. At my job im surrounded by girls who wear make up and are oh so fashionable and some of them look down at me because of my looks. While they constantly tell stories of guys who have liked them, I have very few. I've been severely verbally abused as well.

Personality: I try to be kind and help as much as I can. I know some people here will recognise me by either my writing style or my pic (placed one some years back). I work hard and have been told I am a very strong person. If you are close to me, I will do what I can to help you. But I no longer tolerate being pushed around. I am also very shy.

I have VERY low self esteem. I have self hatred and I want it to end. Any advice?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "my family considers me to be fat and constantly bring up how lazy I am." If you're working and have six classes college, then you know fully well that you aren't lazy. "At my job im surrounded by girls who wear make up" If they're hiding behind make up, then who are they to talk about your appearance? If you are comfortable with how you look (and you should be) then be proud!

    "While they constantly tell stories of guys who have liked them, I have very few." Did the guys really like them though? If they're hiding behind their make up, did the guys not actually just use them?

    If you feel like you're being used by guys, then it's because you fall too easy, and that can't really be helped now, but remember, it's okay to take your time with relationships.. they are not to be rushed.

    I asked a question on here the other day, sort of relevant to this:
    https://oi65.tinypic.com/2ebekh5.jpg

    I'm gonna be blunt here.. If your self-esteem is low, it's because you let it be, if you constantly tell yourself, or convinces yourself that you aren't good enough, then your brain will start believing so. Accepting your flaws is fine, but don't let them rule you -- try instead to find all the good things you have, heck.. compliment yourself if you must, convince your brain to see your good side.

    One way people begin, is to write down all the achievements they accomplish in a day, regardless of how small they are -- "I did A today" - "B was better today". Whatever you decide to do, just start, by not saying or thinking negative things about yourself, because it will only drag you down.

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    • I think you will win MH. Simply because you went above and beyond. Instead of just saying "your pretty" (nothing wrong with that for the other peeps reading that) you went into depth PSYCHOLOGICALLY which is what I NEEDED.

      You can fish for a man for a day, or teach him how to fish for a lifetime and thats what you did.

      I appreciate your bluntness! In this world there are too many people who get offended over anything, sometimes bluntness is necessary for improvement.

      I will attempt to do what you offered. And to your first point about me knowing im not lazy. Its a bit more complex than that though I do believe I try to work hard. Its mental manipulation by others leading to me believe in it and assimilating it. I will attempt to work on that. Thank you.

    • My sister was diagnosed with anxiety, she would take everything other people say like it was hard fact, and she'd blame herself for other people's mistakes, even cutting herself at one point (don't worry, she stopped that). Cases similar to yours, and those closely related, hurts my heart. Strangers, colleagues, even classmates or friends, don't realize the impact of their words. Yes, you could say that one could quit being so sensitive, but what good is that excuse when their words make their supposed friend commit suicide? (Yes, I had that happen)

      I realize changing how you think is much easier said than done, but the most difficult step, is always the first.. once it's begun and you start seeing change, that's when it'll become easier. Sometimes we just have to be real with the people who can't see beyond the mask, to let them know what crimes they're committing.

    • EXACTLY! I hate it when people tell me to stop being so sensitive! I've had suicide attempts, haven't in a while. Ill work on it

Most Helpful Girl

  • 1) You aren't ugly, in fact you look very pretty, the glasses aren't flattering, but it doesn't change the fact you are pretty.
    2) Sometimes, you need to change the environment you are in. Full time college plus work = not lazy. Those people that are telling you otherwise are poison to you and they probably need help themselves. However, you aren't in a position to help them. Find a way to cut the abusive people out of your life.
    3) Find your ground to stand on. Stick with school and your work, focus on those and learn and grow. Those cane be the foundation for a new start for you.
    4) Dont worry about having guys around, things happen at different paces for different people. Put your head down and go do your thing... where you are at is ok, i dont mean to make small of the way you feel, im just saying that you have some things in your life to build on and there is no value in causing yourself stress by comparing yourself to others.

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    • Lol I've never been able to find glasses for my face so I just gave up. :p Thank you
      I can't because they are family.

      Thaank you :D

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    • cheat a little and just show them a picture qnd ask them what theyve got like it

      and feel free to rech out to me if ever you need to vent a little,,,, good luck!

    • Thank you :*

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • A change of perception is your only way out and I don't believe there is a more effective way of altering your perceptions than by allowing them to be influenced by outsiders, by other people. I find it best to create a small circle of friends with quite varied personalities to be able to acquire different point of views. At least this is what is bringing me results and my boat is not that different from yours.

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    • Thank you for your advice. I will take it into consideration.

  • A few ways.

    Don't agree or accept what others say about you.

    Be who YOU want to be and if no one accepts that, they can fuck off

    Face your fears straight on

    Love yourself. Make the best of you.

    If you need more or clarification... pm me

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    • I am so glad you werent like the last dude who said I was fishing for compliments. How can I not accept what my family or others say about me? :/

    • Well... im assuming you are being open and honest... so I am doing the same. So basically listen to what the have to say. If it's nonsense and you know they are wrong or its not what you want to hear, say to yourself..."ok, that is their opinion and they have the right to their opinion same way I do. But fuck what they say, I wa to be happy and do and say what I want ". Makes sense

    • I am being VERY open. I truly seek improvement, so I need to be honest with myself and others for that to occur. It does make sense. Thank you.

  • you look beautiful. I'm sorry you've been all through that. I like your personalities. it's okay to be shy, it's cute! And stop thinking about others. :)

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    • Its alright. I am trying to move forward and haha thanks :p

    • you're welcome dear

  • Nahhh you good don't let anyone put you down gurl and if its any kind of guy I just tell ya to kick em in the nuts

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  • You have some potential. Your glasses are killing your look though. Why don't you get smaller glasses with a more squarish frame? Those don't suit your face.

    Your style looks sort of unflattering from what I can see. Hair looks unkempt as well. There is literally nothing wrong with your face though. You actually have to potential to be pretty hot if you did the right things.

    Style and fashion almost always will work in favor of a girls attractiveness. My girlfriend wears a lot of designer stuff and really puts an effort into her appearance. I can tell and I can actually appreciate how she takes the time to look really good when we go out.

    I mean honestly.. what's holding you back from getting a new wardrobe and style. If you aren't willing to invest time/some money/effort into doing something as simple as that then you don't really want to change.

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    • I'm not going to give in and feel bad for you with the bullying. I don't think you're being a strong person if you're allowing people to impact you in the manner. That's just logic. We all have our sob story and you aren't special because of yours.

      If I let all the fucked up things people said to me in my life get to me in the way that they are getting to you, then I would of committed suicide years ago. My life hasn't been easy by any means. My story doesn't make me entitled to special treatment. I didn't expect a handout. I moved past it and that's what you need to do.

      Fat? Get your lazy ass to the gym. There are literally no excuses as to why you should be fat at your age. Bodybuilding helped with my confidence a lot. Yeah I got a lot more attention from women but it wasn't all about that.

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    • I dont really care if you feel sorry for me or not. It doesn't affect me. Have I said I was special? I also stated clearly that OTHERS have called me strong. I dont think I am.

      Special treatment.. I didn't ask for special treatment. I see it this way, I asked this question for ADVICE to deal with this issue. I didn't ask so people could cry for me, I didn't ask because I wanted excuses. I asked for opinions on how to resolve this.

      I do go to the gym as well, six days a week. A mix of cardio and weight training.

      You are definitely allowed to have your opinions and I am thankful for your response, but try to understand its not all black and white. Either way I will take your opinion into consideration

    • Read your third opinion (I didn't see it till now)..

      I found your article to be interesting and I dont disagree with you. I have ZERO interest in suicide. Tried it.. Decided it wasn't my cup of tea.

      If I didn't want it, I wouldn't have made myself post a question KNOWING the risks that I would get talked "bluntly" and/or deal with people who assume I am fishing for compliments.

  • Ask yourself. What am I passionate about? When people focus on who they're passionate about that's when their expectations are let down because people tend to be inconsistent. Invest in your goals and you life becomes much easier because you're not revolving your perception around what people think. And that can be hard work and will diminish your peace of mind. Live your life one smile at a time. I typically play this game in my mind where I'll find an angle of humor to whatever the subject matter just to push away negativity and disappointment. Find your passion and you'll never work a day in your life, dig deep into your goals

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    • Thank you so much!

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    • I will keep that in mind!

    • Good deal!

  • love urself.. dont care for what others says or thinks... Love urself , stay positive.. This is ur life ur decision never let someone rule u

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  • Dont let them bring you down You are an remarkable women that can juggle six classes and work and your family.

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    • Thank you :)

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    • Its VERY stressful so Im glad you know what it feels like.

  • By reading all that I can say I personally know how that is but from a guys situation. honestly I see nothing to be low about. The moment I hit rock bottom, i kinda stopped caring, and then after that It kinda just grew. Confidence and happiness from doing little things i wouldny have because if the low self esteem. Like a difference of the original picture, and the same one with a smile instead. the littke things you accomplish help immensely. (and also not caring but i can't just say dont care about it cause it wouldn't help any) 😆

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    • Im kinda on the step where am im trying to get up but am still having setbacks...

      Lol ill try smiling

  • 1 Post a pic on GaG

    2 Wait for men to comment how beautiful you are

    3 ?

    4 Profit

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  • just relax, take a deep breath

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    • Thank you for not being an ass, I do have anxiety so that could be a factor.

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    • I appreciate that very much

  • You look familiar for some reason...😮
    Well anyway you're not ugly if you think you are ok😊 I'm pretty sure you're not as fat as you think you are but you can hit the gym if you can? Get some muscle and you know pow pow hit them lol😂

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    • Oh shizz someone recognised me >.<
      I hit the gym 6 days a week (second week of it) I do weights and cardio

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    • Oh
      Ok I'll just be over here then..🔜
      😭😭

    • Lol sorry bro

  • they are trying to encourage you but they are horrible at it because they read tou wrong and so hey encourage you the wrong way

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  • What helped me a lot was getting active and into fitness, being creative by painting and making art as much as possible, keeping focused on goals (finishing school, getting a decent job, taking care of myself and control of my life). It sounds like you need to surround yourself with more positive people as well. Might be time to switch jobs and meet some new people.

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    • I actually can't leave my job as it pays me more than most jobs in my area but I am trying to get more into working out. Im also thinking about experimenting a little bit more with make up for fun. I do try to focus on my goals but with my familys negativity and my bad experiences, it can be difficult.

    • Yes that is very difficult, it sounds like you lack support and love from the people closest to you. Have you reached out to your family to let them know how much they mean to you and how much you value their supporting you.

      And also I would say looking for someone else you can talk to outside of family and work would be good for you to get an outside perspective on things. Is there anyone you trust that you can go to to talk about things?

    • Yes I agree. Yes, my family is cold so they show love through critism and are more manipulative. I try to maintain a distance. I talk to my bff and my female fried. Yes but it doesn't make the effects go away

  • i dont think you should have so much self hatred i think you look and seem smart you look like someone id like to talk to you dont look or sound lazy and personally you're a very attractive woman you're beautiful to me just think positive about yourself lifes hard dont think about all the negative things it just makes it worse

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    • I honestly thought the anons opinions were going to be brutal or about how im fishing for compliments. I am glad you proved me wrong, thank you.

    • yea for sure man no problem im always straight up with my opinions

What Girls Said 5

  • With the right charm you could be considered very attractive. your not ugly - and being average looking, charming and pleasant / likeable is all it takes,

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    • Thank you :) what do you mean with the right charm? I try to be likeable, as I said I try to be polite I am just socially awkward (I was excluded my whole life so I tend to struggle with social situations).

    • charm isn't something you can describe or teach, it something you naturally have - observe girls who are charming.

    • Thank you :)

  • Love yourself:) there's no such thing as ugly and I'm not saying this to be nice but your pretty hot, but try a little don't let you looks go to waste confidence is everything

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    • I just live in a very competitive negative world and it becomes very overbearing at times and lol thanks :p I do struggle with myself tho as it just self hatred. Ill try harder not to be so hard on myself.

    • It's ok :) there's imperfections within us all but just know that there's no one else like you

    • Thank you

  • You look cute but remind me of a serial killer for some reason

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  • Smile

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    • Thank you for not being an ass about my question. I dont smile much. I've always felt like my smile wasn't pretty.

    • I think you're very pretty 😊

    • Thank you :)

  • You look great.

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