the list of positive qualities that girls look more in a potential boyfriend is way extremely longer, ridiculously insanely longer than vice-versa, than the other way around, most of us guys will consider a girl girlfriend material if she is just very hot, cute and pretty, that's all, she can have no life, have little or no friends, mope around a lot, be bratty or boring but just as long as she is very hot, that's all, we will consider her girlfriend materail right away, like if a girl is single she can constantly want a boyfriend to validate her existence and guys won't mind. However, it's not the same for us guys, we have to be extremely confident, have to view and see ourselves an object of power. (There is the saying that guys look at girls like sexual objects meanwhile girls look at guys as power objects, a walking credit-card, but not always money) It's like it's okay for girls to get their validation from guys, but not okay for us guys to get our validation from girls. Unfortuneately, too many guys rely on girls for their sense of validation, self-respect, and self-esteem. They live as if girl's opinions of them are what matters. If they have a good interaction with an attractive girl, they feel good about themselves. When an interaction goes bad or wrong, they feel terrible, horrible about themselves. This need to be validated by girls in order to feel good about themselves robs guys of their confidence with girls. It's unfair, because girls don't need to worry about that, they can get their validation from guys and guys won't care, however, if us guys want to get our validation from girls, girls will care and they will mind sadly, but it's just the way it is. Life is not fair in general, so in an essense, dating and relationships are not fair either. I read in a book that says if us guys want to have an easy sense of confidence with girls, how do we make it work? Practically, this means finding ways to be in love with our own life, and to have the things we are up to in our life be validating for us. Success with girls and success with life are similiar, unfortuneately. Just as girls won't go out of their way to bring us guys sexual success, life doesn't go out of it's way to bring us life success. Just as a guy's sex life is his responsibility to make the way we want it(tough pill to swallow). If we want success with girls, it makes sense for us guys to have long-term goals for our life and that inspire us and that we are moving toward, no matter how slowly. I don't blame girls for wanting us guys to have that certain quality, since traditionally we are supposed to be the main financial provider. If we do that, we will get our validation from life rather than girls. Seriously, it's like it's okay for girls to be desperate but not okay for guys, it's okay for a girl to get her validation out of a relationship, but not okay for that guy, I agree with that anoymous user, girls do have an unfair advantage.
This I agree, success in life goes hand in hand with success with girl. because no girl will want a guys whos a mess or doesn't have his stuff togather
If YOU do not have the same expectations of a girl a she has of you that is you problem i would never rely on being pretty alone , & I can't stand being around women who do.& many women in this world expect much of themselves & find it very unattractive when they are reduced to looks & emotions- it IS very unattractive* If You want things to be equal then don't encourage the dis equalibreum 1expect from her what you feel is expected of you 2 sit there bat your eyelashes giggle &say like omg
Yeah, girls expect more from us guys than we guys expect from girls, which is why I think girls have it easier
I understand your point but there's a couple of reasons why being desperate is unattractive.
Firstly being desperate is worse than being easy. It means that no effort has to be put in, in order to get you. People are attracted to value, and being desperate really lowers a persons value. If you have to work to attain something then it has more value.
Secondly, on a subconscious level it make one think that you are not very highly desired by others. A person who is desired by lots of others has a lot of choice and therefore has the option to pick and choose the one best suited to them. Someone with this option is more attractive and would be harder to get as there would be more competition. A desperate person is less attractive because there's no competition to get the person therefore when you do get them, the reward and satisfaction will feel minimal at best.
Desperation also lets a person know that your world and your life isn't as enjoyable as theirs, so you need to cling to them and be a part of their world. If your world and life is not as good as theirs, then why would they want someone who isn't bringing anything to the table.
Just because a person is desperate, it does not automatically mean that they will be devoted. In fact a desperate person by definition lacks grounding, self esteem and rationality and is therefore more likely to run off if in their head they think something better has come along. Also it is not that difficult for a person of high value to find someone is devoted and who isn't desperate.
These are just some of reasons why desperation is unattractive. If you are still having a hard time understanding then think of a person who you are not really attracted to doing all sorts of desperate things to try to get you and it may help you see better.
hope this helped
=^.^=
There's a difference between the two:
Desperate is trying extremely hard to please someone that you really don't even know yet... like going overboard with your emotions when there's no reason to have that emotion yet. Like saying I love you to someone you've dated for a week. That's kinda saying "I really don't wanna lose you so I'm going to say or do something that will make you feel like you have to stay" but in the end, they don't feel like they have to do anything because they don't really know you that well yet and it's just going to send them packing and running from a crazy person. lol. This is a huge reason to not have sex with someone if you are desperate because you will get more confused and think that they only wanted sex and chalk it up to them being an *ss that used you when really it's because you were acting like a lunatic. People need time to think about you and miss you a little bit when things are getting started. It's impossible for someone to see you as someone they don't want to lose if you are always around and not giving them a chance to miss you a little bit. Desperate is constantly calling and asking them what they're doing, where they've been etc because you are desperate not to lose them. Like you HAVE to be with someone and the fact you can't possibly have strong feelings this early (at least not real ones) shows that it doesn't matter WHO you are with - would you want to be with someone that didn't care it was YOU or ANYONE ELSE? That would suck!
Devotion is quite different. I see that as just being overall caring, respectful, and giving in a relationship. It is something that happens over time rather than right away also. It starts out just being considerate and doing little sweet gestures in the beginning. That's enough to let the person know you 'will be' devoted to them if things keep going well. It's about being faithful and letting who you are with know that you would do all you can to ensure they're happy and show that they're the only one you want. Again - this is over time. Devotion is knowing you want to be with that person in particular and knowing that you would not leave them over something that's trivial. To be devoted to someone within a week is an illusion from the result of desperation. Yes, you can be 'committed' to someone after a week and each decide you don't want to date anyone else... but that is not the same as devotion. Do you understand what I'm saying? If not, feel free to ask any additional questions. :)
A woman speaking here :) ( Not a "Girl" LOL). Just wanted to add my bit of "two cents" to this conversation. From what I recall, boys came after you because they only wanted one thing- SEX. They would tell you that you're pretty, monopolize all of your free time (unbeknownst to you) , call you and ask you how your day went and then after they accomplished their goal of getting you into bed, you were labeled as "needy" "clingy" or "desperate" when you sought something deeper. See, here's the thing, I have never seen a woman act in desperation PRIOR to sleeping with a man. Most ladies that I know are happily single, going about their lives and careers while enjoying a booming social life. Men tend to want you when they see that you are fulfilled without them and therefore, you present a "challenge" for them. The minute that they "get" you, you're no longer a "challenge" or "mystery" to be discovered. But solid relationships are not built upon "challenges" or "competitions". They're built on compatibility, trust, loyalty, compromise, maturity and respect, so if a guy gives you the inpression that you're needy, clingy or desperate, he's probably not the guy for you, as he may exhibit characteristics that make you question the validity of the relationship, thus causing unnatural amounts of anxiety which may make a woman appear desperate. Honestly, you can't trust what a guy says before he has proven himself. Period. Don't believe the fly by night compliments, dinners or gifts are the "real thing". Focus on yourself, your own life and goals, making yourself fulfilled and happy and try not to care about a relationship. Once you do this, you'll have guys lined up at your door in a very "desperate" fashion. Trust me! LOL the more you stand on your own two feet and live your life for you, the more attractive you will be to them. They don't tend to like "devotion" or someone that is there for them all of the time. What they want is someone that doesn't need them.
You're up for a harsh reality lol.
You are confusing desperate & devotion:
Don't let people convince you your love is desperation...its a lie people tell cause they want free sex, & they don't want any thing that will make them feel beholden...
Devotion can be strong & independent & caring desperation is sub human.
(you can be so devoted to someones well being that you leave them because they are better off without you , or you are better off without them...it could be never seeing them because you are working three shifts help get them get thru school - they may have done the same for you in the past)
lots of people like clingy 'devoted' people- lots don't...just find someone who does , because its not a moral flaw just a preference...u are being to hard on yourself if that is what you want...devotion in s loving and caring.
Desperation is just crazy & it does not descriminate...u are not desperate towards someone you CARE for
desperate is more like someone going out & fu*8ing everything that moves..
or someone stay in an abusive relationship because they R DESPERATE for money or w/e
don't feel bad about wanting to be devoted...just be sure to find someone who wants to will & can reciprocate & will be devoted to you :)
(you can be DEVOTED without suffocating or being suffocated...its in your heart you feel it)
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No, I probably wouldn't think twice about them
That's what ends up happening with a lot of "desperate" people. They're overly-devoted so their partner loses respect
Desperation is unattractive because subconsciously it makes you think that the person is not really that interested in you, just settling for you because they can't find anyone else.
It makes you worry that even though they seem very interested in being in a relationship with you, as soon as they're no longer desperate, they'll leave you.
But desperation is a lot more important to girls than it is to guys. Girls will get turned off by guys who they sense are even a little bit desperate, where as guys are usually more willing to give a girl a chance, even if she seems a little desperate.
You nailed it!
Well it's a natural instinct to try and get the best possible mate you can. When someone is desperate, they're saying indirectly that you are better than they could probably get. This makes the other person believe that there is something inferior about that person and that they could probably do better. I'm not saying its right or wrong, it's just the way we're programmed. There's also a big difference between devotion and desperation. Devotion is built over time and isn't shown as an insecurity.
+1 for pointing out rightly that its neither right nor wrong but just something that runs in us - you forgot to mention the disparity between perceived and actual value though :)
I've seen A LOT of people in my high school who are desperate and to be honest..It's not that I find them unattractive...I find it more of a turn off to their impression of when I see them.
I've had about 4 guys this school year who are "desperate" ask me out. Thank god I never gave them a chance.
It sounds heartless off me even though I don't mean to say this...but guys that I have analyzed who ARE desperate are not worth it.
First off, they think their relationship with you will last forever, they are too clingy and the moment the relationship is over they won't seem to have much emotions of a "heart brake".
They instantly go for the next girl, and so on an so on.
I'm glad I never dated one because I feel good knowing that I won't just date any person, I'm waiting for the right one. And second, you'll wonder why they act completely fine after a brake up.
It depends on how long you've been with the person. This is just my opinion from watching desperate guys. Oh and a lot of them try to hit on many girls to try and see which one might go out with them from what I've seen.
I agree with CaptinFrost below, but in addition to this, being desperate (I believe) is borderline psychotic These people scare others off as desperation usually leads to erratic behavior; its not healthy.
I guess one of the things you have to ask yourself is - why would this person want to date me? What value would it be to them that someone else doesn't have? That is why fame, fortune and success attracts so many people, they want it too. Now on the surface this is somewhat shallow as we all hope to have relationships based off of love. However, we are all human and we can't ignore everything else going on that may enhance your life by being with this person.
You will have much better results if you are relaxed, make friends with them, throw out some hints and be patient for a response.
Depends. Desperate people only do things because they expect something in return. I want something who's devoted to me because they love me - not because they expect something out of me. Because I know that's how I'll be behaving towards them.
When you're desperate, it doesn't really matter who takes you - desperate people take anyone. It matters very little who they are or what they did. That's not love. I want to know I'm getting with someone who's gonna be there for me even if I'm not always doing everything perfectly.
Desperate people are mainly only after something. As soon as that something is gone, they leave and go find it in someone else. That's the difference between someone desperate, and someone who loves you for real.
For some reason when a person is desperate is makes the other person not want them that badly. when a person is not desperate you you feel all kinds of feelings or it can make them seem weak if there desperate. when a person is desperate there's no fight. so it makes the other person not want them. but to be devoted that person has to be faithful and you have to truth them.
Devoted? yes. Stalker? no.
But seriously, anyone that desperate for a relationship, is only looking out for their own wants and needs. It would be a very one-sided relationship because the desperate one would NEED all the attention all the time. Just my opinion :)
Being desperate generally means that you're going to be dependent. No one wants someone who can't hold themselves up or who can't handle life on their own.
devotion is not desperation it is devotion.
desperation is when you negate yourself to uphold someone else..
you become a human sacrifice.
it is not attractive because you lose what makes you you.
al of your authenticity it goes out when you live solely for someone else..
people like to be around a little personality
& you need to be able to stand up for yourself in the world..if you get used to being subservient, yo will not be able to take care of yourself& at some point we are all alone.
>>>>> IT IS VERY BORIG TO LIVE WITH A DOOR MAT *
(a submissive person who allows others to dominate them :)
Desperate and devoted in the same sentence?
Usually desperate means like "I REALLY WANT A BOYFRIEND"
If you're desperate it means you'll settle for them
UNTIL someone better comes along
Desperate in no way would ever imply devoted
Devoted in a relationship usually means you like them a lot
And you probably didn't settle
Desperate for a relationship is just looking for the next guy that will date you
Till it goes downhill
i like this question a lot and the answers. I guess being desperate is like telling the guy you'll do anything and everything and there is not challenge or chase for him to over come.
There is a difference between desperate and devoted.
I think you need to figure it out for yourself.
I would love someone to be devoted.
But desperate for my attention screams low confidence.
We all want to feel special.
If you like a guy, he wants to think its cause there is something really great about him that makes you like him.
If you are desperate and will take any guy you can get, that means he is not special to you.
Theres a couple other reasons, buts that a big one.
I don't think being desperate is unattractive. It shows that you just have been though some rough times and maybe don't want to be alone anymore. It's perfectly natural to seek companionship in anyway possible.
Being too needy males people back off of that person. Because no one wants someone too needy. It is a turn off to most people.
Desperate can be a good or bad thing; depending on how its used. If your desperate for a man that means you'll take anyone at anytime. That it is not a good thing; you need to have priories and set standards for what you need, not for what your desperate for.
Well I think because when you're desperate, you're prone to make more mistakes in your relationship. Like you'll say corny or inappropriate things you normally wouldn't have said. Also it gives off a sign to your partner that you are weak, because you can't control yourself. Boys and girls are looking for people with a good head on their shoulders.
devoting yourself fully to a girl can make the girl feel special and watsoever but! there's a
disadvantage to this. if he devoted himself too much to her, nd she suddenly decides to break up with him if he devoted himself too much to her, nd she suddenly decides to break up with him
because desparation isn't usually geared toward the other person. its to satisfy personal feelings of incompetence and insecurity. theyre using someone else to make them feel worthy. desperation isn't about dedication. if you think it is, then what you're experiencing definitely isn't desparation
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