Should people with low self esteem alter their appearance to feel better or learn to love and accept themselves as they are naturally?

Changing my hair and putting on makeup makes me feel good, but I realized I don't feel good without that stuff. So, does it matter? Should I try to embrace my natural self or should I just keep adding whatever physical enhancements make me feel beautiful?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is something I have been wondering, and I need help with something relating to this.
    my girlfriend has had low self esteem for many years before I met her. How she sees herself (ugly) I don't see at all and think she is beautiful.

    She dresses very plain in the same type of clothing, no makeup, doesn't care too much how she looks because she feels she has nothing to show off.

    I want to tell her to try some new clothing, because she will look even cuter in some new styles, it's that she lacks confidence in trying on new stuff, she isn't used to being called anything positive.

    How can I convince her to try some new things to show her that she is still beautiful? Should I buy her new clothing and surprise her, or will she see that as "trying to change her"?

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    • I tell her she is beautiful constantly, and she still thinks she is ugly, I'm the only one in her life that tells her she is pretty.

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    • I think you should only buy her different clothes if you get the feeling she deep down WANTS that but simply doesn't feel confident. That would be sweet and encouraging. I'm simply warning you that some girls just don't like that kind of stuff and it could be taken the wrong way

    • Now I'm worried. Seeing her in certain kinds of clothing sometimes is a huge turn on for me as well as knowing she will look great in them. If she tells me she isn't going to ever wear that, I don't know if the relationship will last, the spark will fade quickly. It's kind of something important to me, and I did mention to her about liking it ahead of time for this reason, but nothing was brought up since. She might not be ok with this, and now I am worried.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If altering your appearance makes you feel better, go for it. What matters is that YOU go through life happy. But if the insecurity stems from the inside and not from a particular physical feature you're dissatisfied with, you can alter and alter but you'll never become secure.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • At the end of the day, the most important thing is how comfortable you feel. If you want to wear makeup and stuff to make yourself feel good, go for it. I'm sure you're very pretty either way though 👌

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  • Try to find something good about yourself, at least three things that are positive. There is nothing wrong with adding makeup or beauty enhancers but if u don't appreciate your natural self, how so u expect others to do the same.
    I bet your very pretty naturally without the makeup

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  • This is one of the reasons I will be alone. I have been told numerous times that if I lost 10kg and shaved that I would be attractive, I however feel that if I changed my looks to suit others tastes I would no longer be myself but rather the me that others want me to be.

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  • Changing ones looks can boost self esteeme, like cutting hair a lot shorter or for guys growing beard. But its only short tearm solution. Training your body will be best for long term, like training not only get you in fit shape it also is huge morale boost. Also having close friends help a lot.

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  • It is about accepting yourself as you are. It always is about just that. If you cannot accept yourself, how do you expect others to accept you? To what limit will you keep hiding behind your makeup? Try to find 3 great things about yourself and be thankful for that. This won't be easy but try and you'll succeed! Best wishes!

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  • In my experience, if you don't like the way you look, you never will.

    I have a weak jawline and a receding chin. I will never ever be able to fix it. No amount of changing what I wear or how I do my hair or taking care of my face will fix that, or the unevenness in my eyelids, nose, mouth & ears. I have tried everything. I always dress how I want, I always wear my hair how I want, and I always find disappointment in the mirror because truly terrible traits aren't fixable.

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  • this knife can cut both ways. on one hand of course you should do what makes you feel pretty and nice. on the other hand, going completely off the rails and almost becoming a human doll due to surgery and whatever.

    (I hope that makes sense)

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  • No your going about it tge wrong way. Your looking for validation and your assumtion will ultimately lead to conclusive evidence of failure each and every time. Self confidence and esteem are just crap thats where? In that skull of yours. Soooo now we found the problem. Solution, you must alter the way you think, feel, and perceive yourself and like wisom its only for your sake. So no make up, yes you do your hair and to feel good about yourself you must achive something. Lose of weight, ran track, swam with dolphins, lastly let it show, tell it to real friends.

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  • do what makes you happy as long as you're not hurting anyone its OK if makeup doing your hair is your thing do it

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  • If it makes you feel good, then that's the most important thing.

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  • so are you dissatisfied with your appearance or inner self?

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  • Usually attractive people have the lowest self esteem

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  • Alter appearance

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  • Accept and love yourself as you are.
    That doesn't necessarily mean that one should not improve themselves. One can improve themselves naturally (for example gaining/losing weight) instead of just "covering things up" to feel better.
    If you can't accept and love yourself, how do you expect to be loved by others? You would never believe that your partner actually loves you for who you are but rather, your "Presentation".
    As an individual, if you can't love and accept yourself naturally, then no matter what you do to paint over the "flaws" on your canvas, you'd still have it in your mind that there's something that needs to remain covered/hidden.
    Love yourself and even though you do continue using makeup and colouring your hair, etc. It will be for reasons "because I want to", not " I need to". And you'd feel a lot better altogether

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What Girls Said 12

  • Do whatever you can to feel good about yourself. As long as you aren't hurting others, empowe yourself any way you need to. Hopefully with time that feeling will survive even without the accessories. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can also help.

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  • Do both! Do what it takes to make yourself feel better, but also, work on the things that make you not feel good about yourself.. Or learn to love yourself by slowly weaning off all the makeup eventually?

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  • I believe that improving yourself is a natural part of life and it is good for self esteem. However you have to also improve internally: you have to change what you don't like, and learn to accept what you can't. It can't be one or the other.

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  • I think changing your looks to make yourself happy is the normal thing to do.. people will always compare themselves to others and realizing they don't look as good will bring down their self esteem and they're not able to be happy

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  • I'm learning to love and accept myself, but I'm also bettering my appearance. If you don't like something about yourself and you know you can change it, why not do it? It's always a good thing to become a better you.

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  • i think alter appearance. it really doesn't work to accept yourself and it's always a struggle in my opinion. if you dont like something then change it so you do and you aren't insecure

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  • They can alter but not too much..
    Unless of course they are really depressed with every inch of their being.

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  • Just do what makes you happy. If you feel you need to change to be happy, that is completely your decision. No one elses.

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  • Learn to embrace themselves, confidence is beautiful.

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  • Try to embrace your natural self. Don't pretend to be something you're not. Love yourself

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  • either. nothing wrong with putting on make up to feel pretty.

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  • Depends on you. If you really feel more pretty and self confident then just continue but don't go to hospitals and try changing you nose or face etc. But personally for me, I'll just stick to loving myself more. Even if they do enhance my looks it's such a bother to put those things.

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