I just like how she looks?

There's a girl who I went on a couple dates on, who basically rejected me after that. That's okay because I don't think she's my type, but the problem is that she's very good looking, so I still find myself wanting her. I get jealous when I see her with other guys and when I think about other guys kissing her or getting farther with her than I did. Is this just a natural thing borne out of inexperience?

Anyone who knows me knows that it's laughable that I would rape someone. I re-read what I wrote and I can see how it sounds creepy, but trust me, I'm not acting out on it. I completely cut off contact with her...I just need to overcome this physical
thing, somehow.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're looking at it completely the wrong way.

    Try to look at it that, YOU'RE the lucky one that got away...

    Let me explain.

    The girl you described is exactly the type I've experienced and they are what I call the 'One Way Street'. All they ever think about is themselves and themselves only...they don't give two hoots about your feelings, and communication and admiration only goes one way - towards them. If you want to find the right girl you must find one where the same amount of love reciprocates back towards you.

    Yes this girl was attractive and yes this girl was with you for that short amount of time however it was. But it now probably looks like she was stringing you along. For someone who is only caring about themselves (which this girl was), you are glad you are out of her life.

    You should be glad that you didn't get into bed with her...otherwise what happened could have been a lot worse. After you lost your body with her she continues to date and bed other guys...how would that make you feel? Probably sick I would imagine. Men tend to forget that they too are precious and they too have things such as their dignity and pride which is not easily shared. You must remember this.

    The great thing is, there is no need to worry for you, because you've gone past that stage where there's no going back. The best thing about this is...there are better girls that are out there in the world who are waiting for you right now. You must believe this! There was a real reason you broke up with that girl and that is she wasn't meant for you. If you keep this thought strong in mind, sooner or later the person that will undoubtedly suite you and love you for who you really are will eventually find you and be with you.

    Hope that helps.

    • I know exactly what you're talking about. What I don't understand...don't these type of girls realize that they're doing this? Do they ever change?

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    • I agree with ALWAYSclassy. Nothing says that she is a "bitch" in any way. How is she a bitch just because she rejected him? She didn't see the relationship going anywhere, that doesn't make her a bitch. The OP even agreed that this girl wasn't his type, so just because she made the first move makes her a bitch? I disagree. She didn't string him along because she ended the relationship before it went too far. If she would have dumped him before she wouldn't have given him a fair chance..

    • My statement here is a personal observation not just for Anonymous but for chadwickc2.

      As sad as sounds, some 'attractive' girls DO use the power of their beauty to get the guy they want and blankly refuse the other guys. In my experience, the higher an ideal the girl has the more 'bitchy' she is. When we say bitchy she is not necessarily a bad person, but to the guy who's trying to court her she sure is giving him a hell of a time! So that's why some guys call them bitches (no offence).

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What Girls Said 6

  • well your having these lustful feelings towards her and you can't let her go. In a way its like your using her, because you don't like her for her. You only like her for what she has. I think that's very selfish. I understand how you feel, I used to have lustful feelings over this guy, but I'm getting over him because I'm not going 2 stop talkin to him anymore. Its hard when you have such strong lustful feelings towards a person. But you have to realize that these feelings aren't real and they have you blinded by the truth. A person can be so beauiful on the outside but inside their so ugly. So you need to be soldier and walk away from this. Because if you don't the lustful feelings will start to bulid up and get stronger. And you'll be wanting her more and more. So man up and don't use her like that. That ain't right. so whatcha gon do soldier? You gotta get over these lustful feelings. Good luck :)

  • sometimes I wonder if I'd be better single rather than end up with a hollow and shallow guy .

    if you truly care about her then you care about her not her looks. I'd rather end up single without a guy rather than be with a selfish creep or someone who just cares about my looks.

    • Believe me, I'm trying my best to fight this. I know it's shallow and disgusting, but it almost feels natural. I'm trying to find the right attitude, which is why I posted this question.

    • Sometimes taking an interest in what she does, really helps. you don't have to do what she does but at least show her you care. don't just look at her cause she's pretty. its creepy

    • Eh, I definitely took an interest in her life to try to show her I cared, but in the end, it just wasn't meant to be and I've been doing my best to move on.

  • It's OK I think everyone has felt like that one time or another you'll move past it especially when you see another girl that your really into.

  • you're just jealous its your ego talking. I have an exboyfriend who acts like he hates me but is mad because I did more stuff with other guys than he did in our whole relationship. you're probably mad/disappointed that you didn't get to f*** with her and someone else did. you will over come it when you meet another girl

    • Yeah I'm that guy you described above. I got out of a 9 month on/off relationship the girl strung me along. We fooled around a bunch but never f***ed. We were about to one time but she told me she was having her period. At the time I believed her, but now I think she lied.

      Rejection hurts a lot and I'm still getting over her. But in reality SHE is digging her own hole but rejecting me for some less worthy guy. I will get a girl better than her.

  • No, I completely understand. I was like that too. You just really need to get over it.

    • It will take time. I believe you about not raping someone. I wouldn't have thought anything about rape. I know like, the person was just so hot and it's not fair. Even after being rejected, you still want them and get jealous of other guys. I knowww, it really isn't fair. I don't contact the guy that I was in the situation with anymore, but I do get jealous of other girls.

  • This sounds like a creepy set up for rape...You need to move on.

    • I don't read any intention or mindset in this direction in his question.

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    • But I was the first person to comment this question and at that point there was no clarification or anything other then the first and original question. All I went on was my instincts...get over it people.

    • I'm going to defend this user. The way the questioner worded his question was ambiguous. He didn't like the idea of rejection, but still longed for her physically. A basic component of a normal stalker/potential rapist. The answerer definitely reached for a conclusion like this, but the interpretation is what allowed it.

      How many times have we seen "signs" go ignored?

What Guys Said 7

  • Okay,

    First of all,

    You're not a "bad" person for feeling this way. It's normal, it's natural.


    She's not a "bad" person for being hot, only hot, and nothing but hot.

    With that said, let's explore what sex is.

    Sex, (pre-contraceptives) was a means of combining two sets of genetics, to create one. The woman's genetic value had nothing to do with who she was as a person, what she was doing with her life, how useful she was as a member of society, etc. The only thing that gave a woman's genetics value, was the way she looked. Good-looking girl + good-looking guy = not an ugly kid. The guy that had a lot of genetic value, would just mass-populate the world with his superior genetics, while all other losers spent their valuable time in committed relationships with the hopes of one day passing along their loser genes and not having their genes locked out of the reproductive pool for future generations.

    Sex, (post-contraceptives) was dramatically different. For one, it no longer served only one purpose. (This took a while for many cultures & religions to adapt to; and they're still adapting to this fairly recent change). Sex was a form of bonding, a way of a man showing a woman how attracted & how much he wants her still. A way of a woman showing a man how much she cares for him and loves him; and to a lesser degree, how attracted & how much she wants him still. But "who" that man & woman is, hasn't changed. It's "still" someone with a high genetic value. What has changed, is the definition of "high genetic value"; for women. Once upon a time, women were useless. Their only role was to do low-level jobs like cooking & cleaning or watching children, while men actually ran society (in order to not have men waste their time doing useless & unproductive tasks).

    Today, that's not the case. Woman are equally & sometimes even more productive & useful than men to society. A woman that's simply attractive, has less genetic value than a woman that's attractive, hardworking, intelligent, and financially productive. And a man who selects a woman with lesser genetic value, will produce children with lesser genetic value. In effect, he would be diluting the value of his own genetics.

    I think the best way to "physically" get over her, is to consider what your attraction to her suggests.

    1. Is it the case that your genetic value is also low, and that mating with her (a low genetic value female) would "not" dilute the genetic value of your children?


    2. Your ancient & out-dated definition of what an "attractive" mating partner "was", is making you lose track of what an attractive mating partner "is" (i.e. in 2010 A.D. v.s. 11,000 B.C.)

    If it's (1), then it's understandable. But if it's (2), try and understand that you haven't actually "lost" anything from not having sex together (especially since you would have had sex with a contraceptive anyway); and just move on.

  • So you can't have her, don't even really want her, but you don't want anyone else to have her either.

    Biologically we're animals, and that kind of instinct helps ensure your genes get spread instead of the next guys. In that context, it's not abnormal.

    Intellectually and emotionally we're humans. We're intelligent enough to recognize instinctual behavior for what it is, analyze it, and react appropriately. In that context, if it's a big deal for you then it's either a maturity issue or a psychological issue.

    In other words, the feeling won't go away, but hopefully you'll grow up enough that you can deal with it.

  • I've been there... Get help. For whatever reason, this person has mad a serious impact on your soul, and it doesn't sound like there's much chance she's going to turn things around, and ZERO chance that anything you do will.

    Is it natural? I would say so to a degree, but yes, you are hung up on her and need to get out of it.

    I got to be friends with the girl I loved. Was there for her, helped her out without asking for anything for years. Long story short? We were supposed to go do something cool together, and she called and said it was canceled, then later when I was introducing her to someone, she popped in a video of the event! And that's not all.

  • I definitely don't think you are a potential raper. I just hope you understand that people can have different interpretations.

    That aside, I'm sorry about how you feel about this girl. Seven months ago I had a crush on a co-worker. She had a boyfriend that I did not know about and I decided to let go of my crush. But her attractive appeal is still upsetting to me. Especially since I have to see her almost everyday. It's annoying, but I learned to deal with it and move on. I hope you can do the same. Good luck.

    • Yeah, how did you deal with it? I still see her every so often. I think it's worse when she ignores me, though I know it's for the best.

    • Honestly... I met someone else. So it helped. And seeing her at work, and still looking at me thinking I must be sad about being turned down infuriates me. But I learned to deal with it over time. I no longer think of her in any way shape or form.

  • don't worrry about it physical attraction and. jealousy is common in everyone. but just look around you man. there are SOOOOO many other beautiful girls out there it's crazy. and there's probably one pretty girl with a personality that you actually like. now that's double damage.. go meet one.

  • When I get angry over the fact that I can't get far with a girl but some other guy has, I just say ,oh well its not like she's Britney Spears from back in the day or Ashley Tisdale.

    • I think this girl is hotter than Ashley Tisdale. But not Britney in her heyday.

  • I've been that way before, but usually the only way you get over it is if another girl comes into light. Getting over it without seeing another girl is near impossible.

    Though in my situation I was more saddened than jealous.

    • I feel a mixture of both sadness and jealousy.