Question on guys and their "desires".

Okay, I'm not talking about doing it in the park or on a plane bullshit. I'm talking about threesomes, watching two girls, or just having a very promiscuous life style. My husband's always joking about doing threesomes or wanting me to do a chick, or even seeing me with other guys, two at a time even. The other day he was talking to a friend at his work, with me there, and they started joking about how the guy works at USI and how he's around all those college girls, how he must go home to his wife and "bang" her after all that. Then my husband turns to me and said "hey babe, can I go work at a college", I basically blew him off and said "yeah, but you'll be single", he laughed and then said something like "yea best of both worlds". Now ya'll know from my last question, I don't have much self esteem, but should I be worried about him talking about his little fantasies too much? Or is it just guys being macho or something?

Okay I forget a couple things, my husband is considerably older than me, he's been married before and it was miserable, he's probably only really been with like 3 or 4 women his whole life (sexually) if that many, he's really a loyal guy,(to be continued)
we have a great sex life, but he just seems to bug me on these things, I don't know if he just likes to get a reaction or what? He says he's venting most guys normal tiffs, I have desires too, but I don't obsess over them like that. It seems he's obsessing


Most Helpful Guy

  • I am in constant laughter at your husband.

    God LOL!

    Okay, you again? [said jokingly]

    Its totally a phase.

    I mean, some of it just sounds like jokes.

    Just know a fantasy, is a fantasy.

    I know as a guy, I would like for my girl to fulfill my fantasies.

    Lucky for her that I have already had the threesome thing, and the girl on girl.

    It would just be a dream come true to have our women fulfill our every fantasy.

    That seeing you with other guys, two at a time even, doesn't sound. . . .?Right?Man-ly?

    Men don't like to share whats, exclusively theirs. Women either!

    Thats one reason I feel as though he is joking about most of it. I mean he seems like he has a great sense of humor.

    You could always fake to pursue the idea of another guy, and see how he reacts, but that may cause a problem. Be careful how you use this approach.

    Fantasies are not always something we look to have fulfilled.

    Just find out how bad he really wants to do these fantasies.

    I hope that helped.


    A Loving Black Man

    • Yeah, he said he never had much interest in pursuing any of that shit, his ex was a total pre madonna bitch who was f***ing guys behind his back, once with their kids out in the car for an hour. He said he would choose me and our life together over any of that shit again and again, if he had the chance to choose again, he'd choose me. I mean I get the feeling he just loves bugging me, but it sometimes makes me feel like I'm holding him back.

    • [Major Secret] in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

      I think we, at some point want to be held back.

      Now don't tell anyone I told you that!!!SHSSS

      Good Luck Pretty Girl

    • What? Hmm, yea I can believe that, but I think my husband is still in that "pulling girls' hairs and knocking them down" stage, he loves getting a reaction out of me. We wrestle and everything, people close to us said that before we got together, the sexual tension and connection was so obvious. We just click, I have desires and fantasies, we've talked about it, he just likes to bug me about his and some of mine. He thinks he's "tempting" my desires when he talks about the multi guys and shit.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Honestly? He is asking for permission to pursue some sexual variants. Most people initially bring up swinging as a "joke" to see how their partner reacts.

    This is not a threat to you or your relationship. I know a lot of guys (including myself) who are happily married and enjoy the occasional threesome, group sex or even watching our partners enjoy the same. Why? because you can be an amazing f*** but try as you might, you can't actually be someone else and many people enjoy some variety in their sexuality. The interesting thing is that we tend to love our wives and stay married while other people wind up blowing their marriage up over the occasional wandering.

    Sit down with him and tell him what you want to try sexual. You might find out that the is offering you the opportunity to expand your sexuality and still have a happy marriage. It might also be that he simply enjoys talking about it. Ask and find out.

    • Okay, but would you be just as happy if you weren't doing the threesome and group sex; and just having sex with your wife or partner?

    • No, I wouldn't. That is why she refused to marry me unless we agreed to an open marriage. She recognized that sexuality is a critical component to my person. She also recognized that despite the fact that I do sleep with my female friends and occasionally enjoy a sex party, I am rock solid as a friend, lover and husband.

      She traded something she didn't care about for someone she wanted very much.

    • So did she make the offer of an open marriage or did you? Or was she into the same stuff? The thing that annoys me a lil, my husband even says he was never in his life interested in performing those things, he was never interested in anal, but since being with me we've done anal, and the other stuff he says he just likes bugging me, like boys pulling girls hair and shit, he knows he'll get a reaction.

  • I'd say this is most likely nothing to worry about. It's simply biology that the male and female brains work differently and he isn't doing anything unexpected here. Although, if it really makes you feel uncomfortable, have a little talk with him about it and let him know your perspective.

    • Yea, in the beginning, we talked about our fantasies, and I told him mine he told me his, unfortunately he got a little too excited and thought that I wanted mine bad. Yeah I (as a single female thought) have fantasized more than one man, it's racy and feels vulnerable and dangerous. But he pushes it and jokes, I don't like joking about it because I feel there should be boundaries, I've always believed marriage is a decision to be with one person, and if you like the thought of more, don't commit.

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