Can any woman out there explain how the attraction to bad boys works?

I've been one of those nice guys that usually ends up as the *friend* rather than the boyfriend.

I don't get it. I'm very respectful of women. I open doors for them, tell them if I like their new hair style or clothes (yes I notice), do things around their house that they can't do themselves, remove bugs from their vicinity when requested, and am more than willing to pick up the tab on any date. I don't have a lot of baggage, no kids, no ex's I'm obsessed with or that are obsessed with me. I'm not the kind of guy that talks about how hot other women are while with a potential girlfriend or any of that disrespectful crap that some men do.

I'm also confident in my looks (the older I get especially). I'm 6 feet tall and about 180 pounds which means I maybe like 5 pounds overweight which these days is thin LOL. I'm in good shape and have great muscle definition in my arms. I'm confident that my face is average maybe even above average.

So my question is why are women swarming around my ex roommate who is kind of a jerk towards women (treats them as a sex object) and already has a kid? Why is this one guy I know who is covered with tattoos, looks like he just got out of prison, and who has three kids with two women, getting calls from women that want him daily?

It seems I would have better luck if I had a kid and began pressuring women for sex the first time I met them but that just isn't how I was raised and it's just not me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • im a good girl as well, I agree with anonymous girl, I fell really hard for a bad boy because he was so confident and didn't care what people said about him, he seemed like a group leader, always with a crowd of friends, and he gave me special attention, he said I was cute and pretty, and smart, and would stare deep into my eyes in a nonsexual way, there was just a lot of passion within him, and so much adventure and excitement, and I wanted to be part of his world. The sad part is, I really did think he would make me part of his world, but it was only temporary and for a limited time. I still think of him and miss him to this day and it hurts really bad. He wasn't the type of player to get into my pants, he never touched me like that or any girl really, he was just all talk lol, but he definitely seemed against love and wasn't the committed type of guy at all. He was a big flirt and I hate him.

    The good news is though I NOW want to be with a nice guy and don't ever want to look back or go near a bad boy ever again. I think its part of growing up and its all about the experience.

    • Thanks for the insight. I wish you luck in finding your nice guy. We're out there.

    • Hehe same to you all the best :)

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What Girls Said 3

  • Well I'm a probably what's considered a bad girl on first impression (tattooed, military, not fluffy and prissy, smoke, swear, drink, play contact sports and can shoot) So I know how to handle bad boys (spend my whole life shouting at most of the younger ones whilst on duty lol).

    Personally because of the way I am, I don't want some bloke fawning over me. I want a big strong dominant man who is going to push me about because I spend my whole life pushing other lower ranking people about. I have a male best friend who I'll go to if I want to be treated with respect.

    Plus the real alpha males (like the marines at work) are super hot, don't give a sh*t about anyone else apart from themselves and there's something about them as they have the edge over everyone else... :S Watch Lois' reaction to marines in Family Guy and then you'll get what I'm talking about! lol

    I know I shouldn't go near em, but I have already, and trust me I would again, even though they're completely toxic. Hence why most girls love a bad boy, its human nature. We all want we can't have.

    • Maybe I should be a little more aggressive and just go for it the next time I really want a woman although I'm not just looking for sex. You and the other women that have answered are really helping me begin to understand the whole bad boy attraction thing. Thank you.

  • guys who are "nice guys" seem to be doing everything to gain your approval like they're sucking up to you. you can tell if a guy is easy to take advantage of, nobody wants a little lapdog. yeah I want a good considerate guy but if I don't know him that well (and he's just a friend) and I know he will do all these favors for me, it just comes off like he's trying too hard.

    also a lot of bad boys are really hot.

    but do you really think that all women like bad boys and nobody likes nice guys? maybe its you who likes bad girls that can't appreciate nice guys. because I know a lot of young men who are in serious relationships and happily married. and these aren't bad boys, they are normal educated hard working guys. maybe you are the one who is going after the wrong type of girl. what is it about these women that you're attracted to? is it just their looks or is it more than that?

    the reason why I'm attracted to bad boys is because I am only 21 years old, I'm not looking for a guy to fall in love with and have some serious relationship with. right now I just want a guy that is hot, exciting, and fun. just because I'm a nice girl doesn't mean I don't have a wild side and I want a guy who will bring that out of me. maybe it's just a phase I'm sure in 5 years I'll be over it but for now that's what I'm into . would I say that I'm a nice girl? um I have some nice girl qualities but overall no.

    • Thanks for your answer. I think there is some truth to what you say that I end up attracted to the wrong type of women for me. The last woman I really liked was very outgoing and had a lot more guy friends than just me. We hung out for a few months and at first she was very flirty with me and we would lay on the couch together watching movies with the occasional make out session but the nicer I was to her the colder the relationship got and the less interested she seemed in talking to me.

    • She probably wanted you to slam up her up against the nearest wall, kiss her hard and then throw on the bed rip her clothes and have your wicked way with Oh and another tip, if you're strong enough there's nothing sexier than just scooping a girl off her chair, and carrying her to the bedroom.

    • Ha ha! I'll make a mental note to try that next time I find myself in that situation. I suppose the worst a woman could do is not go along with it while if I do nothing there is no chance of anything happening.

  • Well I like bad boys because I'm a good girl, and when you date a bad boy he's like an adventure, they make you do things you've never done before and you feel like a bad girl with him, and just their attitude makes me run back to them( they're very confident). I dated this guys and I can definetely say he's a jerk but I still like the way he used to make me jealous with other girls and give me random flirts at unexpected times the bad thing for me is that some bad boys are just man whores.

    I'm sure there are girls out there that like good guys too :)

    • Thank you so much for your honest answer. I'm really trying to understand you women out there.

What Guys Said 1

  • dude... treat that potential like that after you at least make-out or hook up. Be a man, do what you want and don't be the dog on the leash just being friends with them.