What can I do if I'm unattractive?

Like it's genetic, I have very average features, nothing stunning, you could not describe me as gorgeous, just average at best. I also have a very average and unnoticeable body, I have small boobs, big hips, and cellulite in my thighs (and no, cellulite has nothing to do with being overweight or exercising, I work out every day and watch my diet yet I still have cellulite it's genetic and read about it, can't be rid of). I'm not a 10, I'm probably like a 5 or 6.

I'm very insecure because I get little attention from guys, I'm outgoing and they like my personality, but sexually I attract no one. I don't have the type of curves men love. I always notice them staring at butts or cleavage well I have none :(

The thing is, I feel insecure and don't know how to stop, I can't change my genes and I don't want surgery. I know it's men's biology which makes them look and they really can't help it, but when I've had boyfriends I couldn't help feeling insecure either and feeling bad and comparing myself and picking myself apart (remember it's women's biology to compete for the attention of men, so it does hurt, even if we rationally know it means nothing, give us a bit of a break too guys :P)

The thing is I feel very insecure because there are so many hot women around which men notice, which makes me feel I'll never keep a man completely satisfied and that I'll always be feeling awful 'cause I'll always end up comparing myself to the 10s. Even ugly guys want the 10s, so even if they can't get them, well they still want them better than women like me :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • The way you're thinking about it, attractive/unattractive, 1 to 10, is unhelpful. Try: How can I meet guys who might like me? What do I have to offer them?

    Your biggest problem is your insecurity. Dump it. It inhibits you generally, and it's also unattractive. Also, many (most?) insecure girls break into symptoms once they get into relationships: b*tchiness, neediness, clinginess, control-freakiness. It's a red flag, if not an outright dealbreaker.

    By the way, "I'm very insecure because I get little attention from guys" is written backward; cause and effect are reversed.

    You can't change your genes and you don't want surgery. How about your approach? That's under your *complete* control. If what you're doing right now isn't getting you guys, then clearly you're doing it wrong. Do. Something. Else.

    I know girls who aren't magazine cover models, by a long shot--a dumpy and scrawny lot--who don't lack for company because they're not afraid to let boys know how much they like them. Even if you're as ugly as a toe, you should at least have charm enough to flatter yourself a date or two. Plus, if you really want to keep a guy, you don't convince him that you're hot--you convince him that *he's* hot.

    That's why personality is so huge; it levels the playing field. Convince me that I'm the stud I believe I am, and there'll be no *ss tight enough to take me away from you.


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What Guys Said 6

  • I doubt you're as bad looking as you claim. Many girls are far too hard on themselves about their bodies and how they look.

    • No, I see hot girls everyday at college. Not surgeries, natural beauty. Tiny bodied, but with big boobs and shapely butts, long legs, blondes, etc. I'm thicker, I have small boobs, I have cellulite. I'm not really fat, but there cellulite's stubborn. I was also born to have thick thighs it seems, since even at a BMI of 20, they just won't get thin. Even though they're muscular, they look huge.

  • It's all your perception. There are plenty of guys out there who would fall for a girl who isn't a supermodel. People normally wind up with partners who are similar on the looks scale. If you're a 5, then there are TONS of guys who are a 5 who would be perfectly happy to be with you.

    Hate to say it, but when you get older, you'll see what I mean :)

    • I know. But these guys, even if they're five, still lust after the 10s and wish they could be with the 10s. they just settle for women like me, and it doesn't feel nice. I've been there. Except the guy who looked like a 5 to every other girl looked like an 11 to me...

    • Well, you said it yourself. The guy who was a 5 to every other girl was an 11 to you. Duh, that's what I'm saying :) TONS of guys out there will fall for a girl who is a 5 and in THEIR eyes, she'll be an 11.

  • If a guy really loves you, he'll think your the most beautiful girl in the world. I can't stand superficial women by the way, when I need to cool down, I literally think of Megan Fox with a sh*t ton of makeup on, it's unbearable, men truly deep down, are more attracted to real looking women, then women who you would describe as attractive.

    • Yeah, I get it, I also think Megan, now, looks way too fake. But remember when Megan was just starting out in that sitcom with Kelly Rippa? She was gorgeous back then, really natural. There are thousands of natural looking girls who're 10s. I see a lot of them at college. As a matter of fact, my now ex added many "hot" girls on Facebook who he didn't know, just to have them, just to make me feel bad. I see them at uni every day, and it sucks. They're all blond, busty and tiny, my opposite :(

    • Trust me, you have nothing to worry about, women, no offense, exaggerate the appearances of other women, and themselves, there's a guy out there who thinks you are the most beautiful girl in the world, I know the girl I love thinks the same things about herself, but she really is the most beautiful girl in the world to me, men are visual creatures, yes, but what we really find beautiful is not perfect tans or large breasts, its a nice smile on the face of the girl we love.

  • Go on a date with me? lol

  • Suck it up, and be more confident. That's the advice guys get, and that's the advice I'll give to you.

    • You are so asshurt

    • Show All
    • Truth hurts Evangelina. Good thing for guys it's really true, a good personality, being nice, having a sense of humor and not being an ass can easily land them girls. I see hot girls dating normal guys all the time. I find myself falling for "ugly" (not to me, but to "most girls") guys all the time. I find myself being turned down by these guys all the time.

      My ex was apparently not a looker. Yet he still checked out many "hot" girls and made me know. I asked if he thought they were hotter...

    • ... and he had no problem saying they were. Truth hurts. At least I had a personality good enough to keep him interested until I dumped him for being an abusive creep, but that's another story altogether.

      I am confident. I guess I just need to find a guy who's not so shallow. At least I play guitar, most guys I've met seem to dig that. I'm just not hot enough.

  • Just have a good personality.


What Girls Said 4

  • Giiirl! Just listen to me.

    I am a size 18 and that is NOT going to stop me from going out and enjoying an active dating life. I have my insecurities too (believe me on that one) but see, *I* know I'm doing something to change my body. I work out, and I eat healthier. That gives me more confidence and allows me to be comfortable in my skin. So why can't you be comfortable in yours? I would kill someone to be a size 6. Hell, I am a size 6... just multiplied by 3. Anyways, I still flirt with guys and I have a good personality. 'Cause let me tell you, your body is going to go to hell after you've had two or three kids... but what's still going to be there? Your smile and your personality and wisdom, and THAT is what guys are attracted to.

    I know, you're like "But what do I do during sex, I feel so awkward" I have that same fear too but really guys don't see the flaws we see when you're center stage like that. Guys are like "YAY! SHE'S NAKED!" Seriously. They're not critical at that point. They've already imagined what you looked like naked plenty of times.

    Also, you have to remember guys are visual... so yes, he'll naturally look at women walking by but it really doesn't mean he wants to be with them. He *notices* them because they're there, and they're women and he's a guy so why wouldn't he check them out. But he STAYS with you. And those hot women do the same thing you do too, I get pretty girls who tell me they wish they had my eye color (secretly I'm like "I'll trade you for your size 2 jeans! but who needs to know..) they wish they had straight hair instead of curly. Sometimes it pisses me off 'cause I wish girls would appreciate themselves more. It'd send a positive message to all of us not to be so harsh with ourselves.

    Anyways, now I'm just rambling but you get the point. Just change your thinking and realize you're just human and the guy you're looking for is human as well and this isn't like... do or die if you're not perfect.

  • I don't know what ever made you think you were a five, and normal. But I promise you that there is something unique about every woman. You are most likely under estimating yourself. Have you ever seen Hollywood stars with out make up? I think you should spend a half hour Google searching this, and you'll see that we are all just "average", until you bring out your own uniqueness. Guys are attracted to confidence in a woman's self. So figure out what makes you special, and let in on shine! It will show, and a new found confidence is what will make you a ten. It's all about your heart, soul, and smile. If they see that certain thing that sets you apart from all the other girls out there, they will fall flatter than a pancake! Keep your head up and let your true self shine through, and let no one make you feel like you are "average". It's all in your head.

    • And trust me, a LOT of guys LOVE small boobs. It's really sexy... Try not wearing a bra, throw some make up on, not too much, (accentuate the eyes). Make sure your hair is awesome, make sure your wearing a killer out fit. Hold your head up high, and smile. See how many guys check YOU out. (PROMISE it WILL WORK)!!

  • Sounds like you look like me :) The only difference between us so far is that you're outgiong and I'm really not.

    You need to look for better people, i.e. the ones that won't place so much importance on your looks. My appearance is also very plain (I have the thigh problem you mentioned- they just won't go away!) but I found an awesome guy (albeit on the internet).

    For some reason I've never had too much of a problem finding a boyfriend, you just need to go for the shy ones, the not-so-great looking ones, ones who will appreciate who you are rather than what you look like (they exist, honest!)

    Think about it, those guys are going after the hot girls purely because those girls are hot. They're not bothering to see what's underneath and what she's like as a person. Girls like us get the intelligent guys, the ones that are willing to look several layers deeper. In my experience anyway.

    And anyway, just because you don't look like a barbie, you are bound to fit someone's type ;)

  • You are only seeing what you think are negatives. And sometimes we get so submerged in negatives that we forget about our positives. If a man is dating a woman because she has great boobs or a woman is dating a man with great abs, what do you think the chances of that relationship working out? Someday the boobs will get droopy and the abs will be hidden by a pot belly, then what do they have?

    Looks aren't the ticket. Personality, kindness, laughter, fun, being adventurous, creative, smart, understanding would be some of the qualities men/women really want in a partner. You need to find a way to let people see those pieces of you. Perhaps you need to look in different places for a suitable partner. I would suggest trying a new hobby. You have to find something that you enjoy where you will be in contact with other people enjoying the same. It builds new friendships and maybe an opportunity to me someone outside the crowd you are with now.

    Most men are not as shallow as you think and if they appear that way they are immature and foolish. You don't want that anyway! Good luck