Why do people put themselves down so much about their looks?

I've never really understood it.

The people that do so, are not even bad looking. There's beauty in everyone, inside and out. Making yourself feel bad about a factor you can't control is no good for anyone, mostly yourself. Because you focusing on what you think you can't be, and not focusing on what you can be.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • There is always a doubt in someones mind wether they are beautiful good looking smart kind etc but some of them have been bullied or belittled by the way they look
    For example i am not a tall person i am only 170cm (about 5.7) i get belittled all the time of my height and on top of that i look like a 13 year old boy and many mocks me because of those factors so i doubted myself cause i wasn't that tall and i didn't look like my age so i doubted that i would ever make friends my age and get a job :P but now i have friends my age and a job :P and i am happy i am not that tall and look young cause its a blessing (sometimes a curse if i go to club orso)

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    • Thats nice :)

      Don't worry about your height I'm 5 foot 1 and I look like I'm 12 but it doesn't bother me :)

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    • He's like 5 inches taller than me now😂

    • Good for him

  • I guess because they have low self-esteem and they to compare themselves to other people. They don't have confidence in themselves due to this. Though beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Probably 'cause there are so many standards we should 'live by' or rather that's what we're told to believe. Shaving or other people will look at you like you're crazy. Looking good or else noone will like you. Things like that get imprinted on us early on. F. e. the dolls we had when we were younger whether that be super hero's or barbies. They look perfect and create some image in your head of how the world should be like. Sure your family loves you for who you are (as they are family) but what about people you don't have that blood tie with?

    We judge others on a daily base. Everyone does it, even unconciously. See a new kid in school? You check their clothes, demeanor, are they alone? So of course as that new kid in school you know you'll stand out and do your best to leave a lasting first impression.

    Of course you're 100% correct that beauty is subjective and that it's not just outward appearance. But reality is that most people (especially now with social media) don't intend to look further than skin.

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  • I always compare myself I guess For me it’s because guys always thought I was ugly back in the day so now ever since my ex cheated on me and broke up with me after 3 years together. My confidence is literally on the floor and I’m always comparing myself while always feeling unattractive and worthless to be honest

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What Guys Said 69

  • It unfortunately is a poor self image we are bred to believe there is always someone better, smarter, more attractive and people forget that we are all gorgeous

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  • There's a few reasons for this:
    1. We like our mirror images better than pictures because most of our faces aren't perfectly symmetrical and we get used to the asymmetry we see in the mirror. Meaning we can find ourselves attractive in one image and not in the other.
    2. We get used to and numbed to our good qualities. As humans we're always looking to improve everything, it's why we keep innovating. With time we learn to ignore the good and focus on what needs to be improved, which then leads to noticing our flaws and giving them more importance than other people give our flaws.
    3. We're raised not to be conceited. This whole love yourself movement is very recent, and anyone older than like 23 today was most likely raised to not be an egotistical person.
    4. People don't compliment each other enough. If we don't get compliments we assume there's nothing to like or we forget there's something to like cause no one reminded us. In reality people probably compliment things about us in their heads on a daily basis, but we're not aware of it.
    5. Most of us aren't that great looking. Most of us really just don't have all that many good physical qualities. Combined with the fact that we can't stop comparing ourselves with others, it leads to a lower appreciation for ourselves.

    There's probably more reasons I'm not thinking of.

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  • We live in a very image-driven culture and time (IMO). People make money and incur a massive audience just posting selfies; and it is encouraging many of us to seek this "supposed" standard of beauty. I personally struggle with this myself. Last night it took a toll on me and I ended up telling a friend that I don't feel inadequate at times because of the image of beauty everyone's chasing. It personally makes me feel unattractive. I feel like there's is a bar, a standard that people want others to meet; but at the same time I feel like none of us meet it so why do bring down others for not doing so. I remember I was at the store with these girls and we walked past a magazine with Angelina Jolie on the cover. And they immediately said things like, "Man she's getting bigger. Who's that guy she's taking a picture with, he's ugly; I'd never date him. Eww, I think she's starting to wrinkle. She don't need to be taking pictures like that, keep that crap off magazines and take care of yourself girl..." stuff like that. I also watch my friends glued into to tinder (guys and girls) critiquing every subtle imperfection in a person's face, only swiping right on overtly attractive people and being incredibly harsh on others. It makes me sad, frankly. I wonder if these people are "ugly" (and they're all decent-looking human beings imo) what do my friends actually think about me?

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  • You're 15 and cute, it's easy to not understand it.

    Try being alone, half way through your life and having multiple issues with your appearance. Issues that are not even subjective but are things people in general don't like. It's easy to put yourself down.

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  • I think sometimes it's a way of getting attention. Other times it might be because people have told them they are ugly. If enough people tell you the same thing, you start to belive it. Another reason could be that they get knocked back a lot or they feel invisible to the opposite sex.

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  • I feel like that whole "beautiful inside and out thing" is very nice sentiment but doesn't hold much value when it comes to dating. When it comes to finding a significant other folks are looking for people who have both personality and are reasonably attractive. If you don't fit the attractiveness quota then you are either the girl that never get attention or the guy that's just a friend.

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  • It takes most people a longer than you have been alive to understand it the way you do. Congratulations for that.
    Deeper seeded issues will surface through behaviors like this. We don’t want to accept that we are not perfect.
    GI’ll point out the imperfections that everybody can see on the outside just to keep all of my internal issues buried and hidden.

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  • That's what all girls say but they are always the first to mot give a guy a chance and make fun of a guy and make him feel bad in front of everyone and I have been out of high school for a very long time and nothing changed women only care about looks and money

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    • Not true. What women value is social status, and confidence. Looks come second to those. And as far as money is concerned, all women want is stability.

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    • And now I'm to old to start a family

    • 34 is not too old. Late, yes, but not too old. Plenty of people still get married at 40.

      And if you've been trying for 15 years, then you've clearly been doing it wrong. Don't take your own advice of your own advice doesn't work. Read the book "models, attract women through honesty - Mark Manson", it should help you.

  • Maybe. Because they are ugly?

    I've never put myself down, if i notice I've packed on a pound or 2 extra from sitting around too much, i skip a cheat meal and add some extra hiit training on cardio day.

    Why the fuck would i wallow and have self pitty when its something easy to change.

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  • I do because I know what makees me physically unattractiuve. What's tthe point in lying about it? Worse, pretending to have confidence in some physical aspect of myself doesn't suddenly make me any less unattractive, even if my false confidence does somehow attract someone else.

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  • Celebrity, peer and media preassure. Women feel the need to put themselves down when they compare their looks to celebrity idols or feel like they won't fit into with friends if they do not look a certain way. In my opinion most women look fine the way they are and it only takes one guy to fall for you. You do not have to impress the world just be happy who you are and if that means you have average looks thats fine when it only takes one to say your beautiful.

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  • That's a really deep thought for a 15 year old and I don't know. And many would say this question is still unanswered. No matter how ugly or good looking you are, if you're a good person you'll get a good partner.

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  • I take care of myself , even as a man i use face masks , dress in my way and so on... It's perfectly fine to take care of yourself in my opinion. At the end of the day , we fall for the insides, but outsides dont hurt.

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  • Nobody knows you better than yourself. And you know every flaw, defect and blemish. Your mind concentrates on that, making something that others don't even see seem like a massive third eye size zit on your forehead.

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  • Someone once told me that when you look at others, your brain uncounciously factors in other attributes like smell and sound and applies that to how attractive they look. On the other hand though, it doesn't do that for you when you look in the mirror so you tho k you're worse than everyone else. I like to think that most people are also just people trying to live their life and that always puts things in perspective for me.

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  • One of two reasons: they are not given enough feedback about themselves so they don't know (and assume not) or they get feedback that they don't trust is legitimate.

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  • Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but, if no one ever likes you back are you really beautiful to someone at all?
    Personally, that is how I think. I must be extremely ugly.

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    • I doubt it. I really don’t think people can be extremely ugly

  • Maybe they were told that they are ugly and they didn't say a word or child hood issues like cover up your body and with
    time it settled deep in there mind so every time they fail in a relation they just think that is my fault

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  • Complexs in my opinion and nearly fact are learned behaviors. Enviornment plays into it. Objectivity, media, and stuff like that make us feel as if we need to look a certain way to be physically accepted and considered attractive.

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  • I mean I personally believe I look awful even though people sometimes tell me different, it's just that i feel I'm not good enough really, I think it's an easy mind set to be stuck in due to pressures from society and others.

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What Girls Said 39

  • Well, you see, I always thought about why I put myself down. I realized it was because if I say that I am beautiful and build myself up, there will be someone who will knock me down. As soon as they tell me my worst fear, "You're ugly", I'd be very upset and depressed. I know people will tell me to ignore them, but it still hurts. I can't stop it from hurting me. Then, I would have to try to build myself back up again, over and over. I "hoped" that I was beautiful, but I feel like in actuality I wasn't. There was no one to tell me I was even when everyone else tells me I'm ugly. When someone tells you you're ugly, and no one ever tells you that you're beautiful, who do you trust more? How do you know you're beautiful? No matter how kind I was on the inside, people would still bring me down. Plus, there was no one to tell me that beauty on the outside didn't matter, and that you can be beautiful on the inside. No one told me that at a young age. Even when I realized it growing up, it wasn't reinforced into my mind. So the scar of someone calling me 'ugly' reverberates into my mind and soul like a bad scar. The idea that I am ugly is difficult to take away when that's all you've heard and felt.

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    • Elaine_17 I'm sorry to hear this. If you need someone to tell you you're beautiful then I'll be the first to say it. I really hate that people choose to be willingfully be ignorant of how powerful their words can be. I dad to stay up with my sister once to assure her that she was beautiful--and she is. But she had heard it from hateful people so much that it took almost a miracle to ick her back up. (It ended up being ok though, because we ended up binge watching stupid youtube vines and laughed our asses to sleep lol) But I do hate that you've had to go through this. And please believe me, you're beautiful; sometimes the rest of us are just really immature and stupid.

    • @gregcmack Aw, that makes me happy :)

  • On sites like these, it's purely about attention. Most people who are ugly know they are and don't feel a need to proclaim it. People who have to blast their suffering out there are suspect to me. So, to answer your question, I don't think they think that badly of themselves, they just want to hear others say "Ah, nah, hun, you're not ugly. You're gorgeous."

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  • A lot of times it’s depression or anxiety. When you have depression and anxiety, your mind thinks differently than normal. At times I can be 100% feeling myself, other times in like wtf is that staring back at me in the mirror? Just the way it goes!

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  • It's mainly because of mainstream publicity that we see and all the expectations they give us. Also, society tells people that they are never good enough, which is really bad for self esteem and for self love

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  • Sometimes is because those feelings are internalized... like growing up you have always been put down about your look so you started to think perhaps you are ugly.

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  • I think its because society tends to focus on the top 1% all the time and not on the bottom 20% - 40% so the bottom 80% start feeling like they aren't competitive enough.

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  • I was bullied most of my life, and had a few traumatic things happen in my childhood which ruined my self-esteem growing up... and the love I had for myself. Now finally at the age of 21 I love myself fully, and I no longer think a lot of negative things about myself

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  • I dunno... giving my own opinion wouldn’t be valid for I’m like this myself. It’s probably media and all of those bullies people have dealt with at some point in their life. Plus. We know ourselves better than anyone else will. We can stand in the mirror for large periods of time and nitpick every feature of ourselves

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  • People can be mean and after a while, you can start to believe them.. or try to beat them to the punch.

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  • Its just the way society trains everyone mind work since very young age. A social construction of beauty image

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  • So most of the time when someone puts themselves down it is because they think what others have told them. Its not really their thoughts.

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  • In my country if you say something good about your personal look you're considered to be "arrogant" "pretentious" so people don't do it and prefer to say bad things about them, too when they put themselves down they always got compliments.

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  • My gaming keeps my focus on other things that matter. I have left from my mistake and I have now had self-respect for. I am not good at grammar. I don't like English. Lot people in my college think that I was good at art but I hated it.

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  • Cuz people suck and its easy to turn it inwards and blame yourself for why people suck because if its your fault at least you can do something about it (or at least try convincing yourself at that you can).

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  • Because social media and tv. They plaster this image in our head that if we are not skinny or have a big ass or dont have perfect hair and make up that we are ugly and need to change.

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  • I find that it is the decent looking people who put themselves down. Bad looking people are either cocky and pretend they're good looking or aware theytheyee bad looking and keep their mouth shut.

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  • Looks do matter. Everyone should at least try to be physically attractive. Both men and women should exercise regularly, eat healthy, and have a sense of style.

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    • I think you mean be healthy.

      Someone can be healthy but still put themselves down about their genetics.

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    • @chthou95 looks matter for everyone

    • Not me. I don't have any sexual attraction or physical attraction for people. My brain works differently from the way your guys brains function

  • It's because of the media and the world have an ideal picture perfect person. They male everyone question their own body because they don't look like what the media portrays

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  • Because we live in society where looking good relative to people around you has a lot perks

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  • Because most guys have high standards. Even though I work out 4 days per week and I eat healthy (veggies fruit and lean protein) I am STILL (after years of trying to please others too much) 5’5 and 145 pounds. I have a broad bone structure and there is nothing I can do about it. So yes, it’s very difficult. Because most guys are jerks!!! Sorry to the nice ones but there aren’t many of you left!!!
    But go enjoy your sticks. Have a nice life getting married to them and whatever you will do together

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