How can I communicate my needs without driving him away?

I’m feeling very alone, abandoned and isolated from my boyfriend. He lives in another state right now and has been very busy with work or friends so we hardly talk. I can’t actually be with him in person and I’m having trouble coping with the distance. Most of the circumstances aren’t his fault because the military is a full time job. But he is getting so busy that I feel he has no time for me and makes no effort to send me just a little sign that I am in his thoughts. Again, I know a lot of times it isn’t his fault but it doesn’t help when I feel he doesn’t care anymore.

He’s becoming unreliable and a little distant. (Not calling last night when he says he would or returning my texts) Yesterday we were texting and I asked him if he wanted a picture of me (we used to do that all the time and I trust him with it) to help pass the time because he was on a 2hour bus ride. That’s when he stopped responding. It may be his fault and he just isn’t interested in me anymore (That’s how it feels sometimes) or it may be because his friends were around. OR even still, it may be because something happened to his phone. There are too many variables to make a strong conclusion and I won’t make assumptions. Well anyway, I didn’t hear from him again since that text last night. He said he was going to call to say goodnight and he knows how important it is to me but he never called. I waited about 3 hours for him to call and I know some of that time is because he was on the bus and couldn’t call. I guess I’m lonely because he didn’t even think to text me back or tell me he was busy.

Not to get confused, he did call me earlier that day and we talked for an hour. That’s when he said he would call me when he got there. He did say “I love you” several times and even said it first! So that’s the hope I am clinging to. That’s why I am confused. When we did talk he sounded normal and joked around with me a little.

I know all this sounds so desperate and pathetic and I hate myself for crying about this. I don’t know how to express my feelings to him! OR even if it’s a good idea to tell him.

What would you guys suggest? I know men hate talking about feelings but this is really bad for me. I’m feeling alone from the man I love and he assured me that he loves me too. How do I tell him I am lonely? How can I communicate my needs without driving him away?

I guess I miss the closeness we had and the respect, in spite of him saying he loves me, his actions aren't exactly saying the same thing. I trust him more than anyone on this earth.


Most Helpful Guy

  • in your circumstance, and since he's still stateside in LDR, daily communication is critical and there's really no excuse for that, even for a simple 5-10 minute conversation...there's also email/texting as well if it's still hard to talk..."ILU" comes down to time management

    be careful when you talk about this with a guy, especially about what you need to spread it out and don't pile it in one fell swoop or things will go badly...pace yourself and your heart-to-heart at a rate he can handle...i don't know what that is and you will have to figure that out


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

What Girls Said 0

Be the first girl to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!