If you've been with a guy for a few months, and you want to take your relationship to the next step - but feel like there's something that has happened in your life, when do you tell him? To be more specific, I was sexually 'assaulted' a couple years ago. I have come to terms with it and accepted it. I am NOT looking for sympathy. However, I haven't had sex since it has happened and I'm not completely sure how I'll react. I would like to tell him, but I do not want him to feel like it is his fault, or there's anything he could have done or still can do about it. I don't know if I should tell him before, or after. I don't want to make it seem like it still effects me daily, but I think he should know in case. I do not want to keep it from him, and have him find out later and be upset with me from not telling him. He's an amazing guy, and he makes me very happy. But I don't want him to look at me differently because of this. If any guys have opinions on how they would feel and what way would be best to tell him, they would be greatly appreciated! Thanks! :)
Most Helpful Guy
"how they would feel"
Say, he loves you very much, he may feel like HE was being assaulted, i.e. feels bad not only for you, but for himself. You are right, you need to be careful how you approach this.
"and what way would be best to tell him"
If you choose to tell him, you may want to search the internet on info. regarding how professionals prepare someone to take bad news. There are many natural diasters these days, earthquakes, mining accidents, ...etc. How do you tell someone their spouse/parents/children ... were killed?
See if the steps below helps?
1.Choose a comfortable setting where you both can sit. Create an air of privacy by closing the door, turning off the television and eliminating distractions.
2Assess the other person's feelings. Does she appear worried, upset and suspicious? Does she anticipate this news or will it come as a total surprise?
3Choose your words based on your relationship with the individual as well as your personal style. If the news is unexpected, say, "I'm afraid I have some news about . . . " or "I've just heard from the hospital."
4Identify with the emotions that arise. For example, you might say, "It must be a terrible shock for you" or "I'm sure this is painful for you."
5Listen to the other person; let him talk. Validate their emotions, but primarily listen and acknowledge.
6State what you are prepared to do to help, rather than ask, "What can I do?" Make a reasonable plan. Be clear about your commitment and fulfill your promises.