Do you ever look at your partner's ex and think?

"Why are they with me now?"

I was going through some of the new friends the guy I'm currently seeing added on FB. It then occurred to me how pretty most of them are. While looking at them I remembered him telling me that he had slept with most of his female friends, I didn't mind this, since we're in a casual relationship. But for some reason I felt uneasy looking at all these hot girls and thinking he's probably slept with all of them. I kinda feel inadequate now.

This is really strange for me, since I'm usually quite confident. I know I'm not absolutely beautiful and I'm fine with it. Somehow seeing the standard of girls he's been with shook me.

Do you guys ever get hard-hitting moments like this? Thinking if someone's ex is so hot, then what do they see in me? I'd like to know how the people here deal with this.


Most Helpful Girl

  • That may be the physical standard of who he has had sex with, but that doesn't mean they meet his standard for a relationship. We get so caught up in thinking that physical beauty and sex are king in determining who guys are in relationships with, but it just doesn't correlate. Yes, a guy has to be physically attracted to a girl to have sex with her and enter into a relationship, but many guys have wide ranges of what they find attractive.

    I have an ex who was very pro at objectifying women for their physical attributes and "collecting" sexual experiences with these women, but he could have cared less to make them girlfriends. He had completely different criteria for a girlfriend. He did not want a woman who depended on him financially and wanted a woman who was very in to him and made him a priority, even if he did not necessarily make us a priority. I recall this one girl called him and left a message and he could not understand her. She had a strong accent. He asked me to help him out and when I finally figured out her name and told him, he recognized her and then told me all about her and how she was physically so perfect. But, she was very much a diva and that was fine for him for sex, but he never would have made her a girlfriend. See how much value he actually placed on her hotness, not much. If I called him now, he would know who I was without me even leaving my name.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I'm a very confident person too, and stuff like that used to shake me quite a bit, but after I realized that hey, I really don't need anyone, I'm with this person because I CHOOSE to be, and they CHOOSE to be with me and if they should make a different choice then no problem, I'm awesome and I'll choose something else :) the point is just don't view being with that person as something you need, no ... you both made a choice ... and there's a reason for that and no matter what happens you can always choose something else :)


What Girls Said 1

  • but you ARE absolutely beautiful! don't you realize that? you are ABSOLUTELY, PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL. why? because you are YOU! I know it's easier said than done, but don't compare yourself to other girls. it isn't healthy and will only cause your self esteem to take a huge hit.

    beauty is in the eye of the beholder. you most likely think they are prettier than you because you perceive them as some kind of threat to your relationship. I know. I went through this. looking up my boyfriend's ex girlfriends out of curiousity and then beating myself up over the photos I saw. I got stuck in a cycle of not being able to stop thinking about them and comparing myself.

    i finally realized that I was wasting my energy in negative ways. I started focusing on myself. trying to make myself the best ME I could be in every way. investing myself more in ME and refusing to allow myself to wallow in negative thoughts or pointless comparisons with women who are not even a part of our lives. this has done wonders. for me, and for my relationship.

    your boyfriend loves you for who you are. hopefully! ;) I know it's hard. we live in a society where there is so much pressure put on women. but we make a choice to take that pressure on as our own. it's when we decide to make a different choice and celebrate and revel in our unique beauty that we define our own lives and experience true happiness.

    good luck to you and always remember, be proud of who you are. do your best every day in all aspects of your life, and please, stop comparing yourself to other women. there is no comparison. you are uniquely you and that's what makes you beautiful!