To compromise or not to compromise-- is this a fair arrangement?

I like piercings. I think they're cool, stylish, and expressive. My boyfriend hates them. He thinks they're trashy.

Right now I'm in college and I'm going to be in school for at least three more years. I want to get a few piercings now with the intention of taking them out once I graduate. Currently, I only have pierced ear lobes.

My boyfriend and I have been fighting about this for awhile now. He doesn't want me to get any because he thinks they're unattractive, while I think I should have the right to do whatever I want to my body without him berating me for it.

We've reached a sort of compromise-- I'm allowed to pierce any part of my ears. I'm never allowed to pierce my belly button or my upper lip, because those are the two he hates most. If I want any other piercing, I have to discuss it with him first (though I get the feeling most "discussions" would just be him saying no).

I don't know how I feel about this compromise and what's the right thing to do in this situation.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ive been in that situation with my tattoos. I already have a couple, but the guys I've dated always did not like tats at all, and would have had a coronary if I came around with a new one. Personally, while I love tats it didn't mean enough to me to get another knowing how much my guy didn't like them..had no idea of what tat I wanted next anyway.

    But if I did have my heart set on one, and my guy argued with me on what I could and couldn't do with my body...I don't know, that would set me off. I'm snarky enough that I would have ended up with both arms in sleeves, a full back piece and whatever else I could think of lol

    Another tidbit, my ex before last who hated tats, asked me if I had piercings cause he absolutely could and would not tolerate those. I told him no and he was relieved...I like periecings on other people, scared to get them myself anyway :P Wouldn't you know it...long after we were apart, one of the girls he was dating had all sorts of piercings. I would have been mad as all give out if I didn't get piercings causwe of him, only to find out he ended up with a girl with as many as he described.

    I guess the moral of this story lol is do what you feel is right for you. If he doesn't like it, someone else will love it and maybe even support it. This is just piercings afterall...what else might he put his restrictions on in the future?


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What Guys Said 2

What Girls Said 4

  • your boyfriend sounds like a controlling jerk. sorry, but it's your body and he should support you in what you like. if he only likes you based on what you look like and a few piercings, then he sounds really shallow.

    also, it really bothers me that you're using the word "allowed". He's not the boss of you! He's supposed to be a caring supportive person in your life who inspires you to enjoy it and try new things, otherwise called a boyfriend. Instead, he's acting like an oppressive father figure.

    You might not like my answer, but I would say break up with someone who wants to micromanage tiny choices you make for yourself, and find a guy who will like you for who you really are, how you really want to look, and the things you really want to do.

    • I totally agree with you! I was in this kind of a situation with my ex, and he was all "Im not allowing you to get your nose pierced" I basically ended up telling him, sorry but you can't control my body here. So we ended up breaking up. He would control other areas of my life too. So if this guy is doing that it may be best to leave. But it is up to you. If it is that important to you for him to be happy and you can cope, then don't. But if you really want them, I don't see why you can't.

  • Your boyfriend shouldn't be trying to take control of your body like that. He's wrong to think he has a right to.

    It's your body. If he was your husband it might be different. For him to judge you like that though, for wanting to get them, isn't right.

    Do what you want. It's your body and your life. If he gets angry or anything like that, tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine. It's not like getting piercings changes who you are.

    I hope he's not controlling like that with other things. Cause from the sound of this, he doesn't sound like a caring, understanding, and accepting boyfriend.

    Then again, who am I to judge?

    Just one girl's opinion.

    You do what your heart desires, girl. GIRL POWA!

  • What an ass. It's your body, you shouldn't have to "compromise" to get something you want done to your own body. If I were you, I'd f***ing end the relationship as I HATE it when people try and control me.

  • lol wow you sound like a kid asking their dad for permission to do something.

    My boyfriend doesn't like piercings either but I have my nose, eye brow and a lot in my ears and he says they look cute on me, I think if he loves you he will get over it