Physical attraction...

First off I feel like a complete ass posting this question but I need some advice.

The girl I've been dating I really like, she's nice, funny, patient and understanding. The problem is, I'm having trouble deciding if I'm attracted to her physically.

I don't have anything else to blame but my own shallowness but I'm not sure if I find her attractive. She's slightly on the large side, she's not obese but does have a bit of extra baggage, I usually don't mind a little thickness but she's very close to the line between attractive and unattractive, which is why I'm having trouble.

Again, I have nobody to blame but myself but I'm not posting this question to get fired at because of being shallow. I want to make my relationship with her work because I know she likes me back.

She's said that she's not entirely happy with her body but isn't too subconscious about it either and like I said she's not overly heavy. I'm well aware of that unwritten rule about how never to discuss a womans weight, so I ask here, what are some subtle hints I can drop? If anything.

Again, I feel shallower than spit posting this question but I really want to make it work with her and I because I really do like her. Any ideas?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Are you athletic yourself? If not - there's no need for the pot to call the kettle black...

    And if you are, just invite her to do something active. That's what I did with my friend and it helped get her into an active lifestyle without her knowing it. There's a game I play every weekend at this course just outside city limits... it's called disc golf. It's so much fun it hardly qualifies as exercise but it is GREAT exercise. Invite her to do something fun and make it feel like less of a pressure to lose weight and more of an invitation to spend time together.

    Is it just her body? Or does she not have a cute face either? And some girls that are "overweight" are more shapely than others so it isn't as bad... I know that when I gain weight it doesn't look too horrible because of my body shape lol. So if she's one of the shapely ones, losing 10 pounds will do wonders for her.

    Everyone is shallow in a sense. How long have you been dating her, or how long have you known her? If you've known her awhile and she's always been this way... and you aren't content with how she looks, you should've never dated her or you should have gotten over the fact that she is who she is and she shouldn't have to change for you.

    And if you've done anything physical with her (not necessarily sex, but fooling around) maybe you shouldn't have... because that will make her think you're okay with the way she looks when you obviously aren't.

    • I do have an athletic build, I'm no Michael Phelps but I am at the ideal weight for my height.

      I've known her for about 3 weeks, 2 dates and we have a 3rd planned. We haven't gotten physical and I think you're right, 10 pounds probably would do just the trick.

      And maybe you are right about not trying a relationship in the first place, but that's kind of a moot point right now. And like I said, I do like her and I want to make it work.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • You're not shallow. You just are confused. It's okay to be turned off by people. And it's good you want to figure this out. Dropping hints doesn't work with everyone. You;ll have to test that waster on your own. I don't know any. Some people don't think that it matters what on the outside. And it's really good that you like this girl becuase of what inside, despite the fact that you're confused about the outside.

    I don't know how to say this with out sounding crude or anything, but like, Have you gotten hot na heavy with her? Does she make you want to get hot and heavy? I mean there are better phyiscal questions, but hose are pretty basic.

  • Hmm that's tough. I have to ask you though - is it just her weight that bothers you? Or is she not very pretty either? If the relationship is still relatively new, once you've been dating long enough, the physical part of the relationship won't be as big of a deal. It will still be there of course, but you'll end up loving her for what she is on the inside, and you won't give a damn what she looks like because her personality and heart will make up for it. I mean, you were obviously physically attracted to her enough to go out with her in the first place right?

  • I think that your honesty is enduring...and it also shows that love comes in all shapes and sizes... perhaps saying you want to go out and jog, or exercise in some way and say you would love for her to come along...for company( not because she needs

    You had mentioned that she was not entirely happy with her I am sure she deep down would love to change it...and you could very well be her motivation to get out there and change her appearance...and like I said why not do it together..that way you can spend time together, and she will feel great about herself...and once a woman loses even a little bit of weight, well it does not take much for us to keep I suggest you do more pyshical things with her, walking and such...and watch those pounds drop off...and then she will be just perfect...good luck...and by the does not necessarily make you shallow, you like a certain body type and that is need to feel bad..

  • obviously she's insecure.isn't that a turn-off on its own?

    you don't come off as shallow. you're just dealing with a

    girl thats..."all right-looking". maybe the cute,average,and

    acceptionally attractive and maybe you're used

    to dating hot,sexy,beautiful chicks...but maybe if she'd got a make-over

    she'd knock you out your socks.

  • I don't feel qualified to answer this because I just can't relate but I feel so bad for you! I'm impressed that you recognize the issue at hand.

    The only suggestion I have is to start inviting her to join you in physical activities. Make a date out of going to the gym for a game of racketball followed up with cooling off at the juice bar, or maybe a hike, or even just a walk. If the guy I liked was into something that I wasn't physically capable of (because of weight or being out of shape) I would want to change that. Maybe it will give her motivation to take some steps on her own?

    I really hope you get some more responses on here & I wish you the best. Sorry I couldn't be more help...


What Guys Said 1

  • Drop her like it's HOT! That's what Snoop Dogg would do! You could say something like this: "hey I'm going to the gym wanna come keep me company?" OR "let's go for a jog through the park" OR "wanna go running with my/your dog at the park?" OR "let's join a cycling/exercise class!"

    Man, I am a genius. Personally, I think you need to cut her loose. She'll probably only get worse and if she can't take of herself, then how is she going to be able to take care of you?

    I got more advice on my blog: link

    Check it!

    • You're a shallow ass.

    • Show All
    • You are a shallow person. I don't see why, esp if that picture is actualyl of you. You have no right to say anything about hsi girl you barely know.

    • I think this is excellent advice actually.

      1. attraction is soo important.

      2. if its just her weight than inviting her to do active things will help her, and she'll pick up on it and maybe try a little harder but it probably won't hurt her feelings too bad!